August 2016 Joining Instructions Extra

Chers NERDS,

Message from Sandyballs whose IT is still up the spout:

We need to get the onward bus from Churchill Square promptly after our arrival at Starbucks. This means no titting about in the queue looking at foreign students and probably no time for coffee.

We must get off quickly once we all meet. No slacking!

See you all on the bus.



Lafayette.

August Ramble 2016 Joining Instructions

Dear NERDS,

Here are Sandyballs' joining instructions for next Friday 26th. Nota bene the name of the cafe to meet in. This means you, Froggy!

Lafayette.

P.S.I'm off next week to Jamaica to coach Usain Bolt in the art of how to loaf in retirement.

As you- although know we ramble this Friday on August 26th. Problem is I am having trouble with my Hotmail account. Since it changed itself to 'Outlook' and then changed the design of the website I can't do a thing with it - although it is allowing me (I hope!) to send individual recipients like yourself! Could you please send the joining instructions to the other NERDS?

Basically we are going to meet in Starbucks in Churchill Square at about 10.30 and then proceed by bus to another undisclosed destination. I have to think of one first!

Thanks. Hope you find the time amidst all the Olympic telly-bashing.

See you on Friday if not before.

The August 2016 Ramble date

So Lafayette has published the date of the next ramble as 26th August 2016. Is this to celebrate his ancestor’s introduction of the Déclaration des droits de l'homme et du citoyen. This declaration was of course introduced by General Lafayette

and signed on 26/8/1789

July's Second Ramble

NERDS' Ramble No. 320 - 27th July 2016.

Those Present – Froggy, Lafayette, Sandyballs, Curly Clarke, Paco, The Bish, The Captain.

Guests – Imogen, El Perro Negro Bandido.

Froggy's Summer Ramble.

Froggy had worked out a fantastic rural ramble going round the famous Berwick reservoir, having a pint chez Pete at the Yew Tree

and then proceeding over the fields to The Plough at Chalvington(?). Anyway these plans all came to nought because of crappy weather and Southern Rail depriving us of most of our trains. We had done the original Froggy ramble before and it was a good one, but it needed to be done on a nice sunny day and with a decent chance of getting to the starting line. No such luck that day.

And so Froggy had invented a ramble over the Downs towards Seaford from Newhaven, on a route we'd all never been on before, and so the NERDS were in a state of high excitement. But first we all had to meet. This was a bit complicated. Rendez-vous was in The Newhaven Coffee House.

Where the fuck this was even Lafayette didn't know until his wife pointed out it was at the top of the High Street next to the paper shop. Wow! You live and learn. Lafayette usually made his own coffee at home and was too mean to buy all that la-de-da shop stuff. Anyway, it would be an easy place for the Seaford contingent to get to ( lotsa buses available) but Sandballs had to get in from Lewes by some crappy little pensioners' bus which only ran about once every two weeks or so.

Suffice to say, meeting up all together at the same place at more or less the same time was completely chaotic.

People drifted in bit by bit, search parties had to be sent out for Sandyballs and the Bish, the Captain turned up by himself, and Lafayette got a phone call at home from Curly saying he ought to get his arse out of bed because today was ramble day. Woops! Better get down the coffee shop.

After a false start because Lafayette had forgotten his hat and the Brexit whip, everyone was more or less together.

The weather was drizzly and dull. First port of call was to head towards The Flying Fish for an early lunch. This involved some serious manoeuvring through Sainsbury's car park which was fairly dangerous and where Matt kept running around being pursued by mad drivers who he was convinced were all after his family jewels. We got into the Fish,

and as usual found it deserted apart from the barman. It's never really recovered from the glory days of being run by the Welsh woman with big tits and her husband, the French chef. First off we were told there was no Harvey's that day; he had a barrel but he wasn't opening it early just for us. Hmm....

So we drank some sort of Shepherd Neame and sat ourselves all round a table

at the back next to the kitchen. The Bish stripped off to reveal a teeshirt in dayglo green which made him stand out like a luminous Ninja Turtle. He confessed to having bought a pack of three of these while abroad on holiday. They were puke green, vile orange and white. We asked him why he hadn't just worn the white one to avoid offending our eyes. “ I can't tell the difference between them since I'm colour blind,” said the Bish. “ Actually, I only bought them because they were cheap, but they frighten away the seagulls

when I'm sunbathing in the back garden.”

The meal was OK; most people had pie and chips or fish and chips. The only snag here was lack of staff.

If you were getting your dinner you couldn't get another drink, and vice versa. The barman/waiter/frontman was doing all the work himself; he coped reasonably well and was adequately polite, but he needed a Polish barmaid as back-up and as a bit of glamorous furniture.

Suddenly outside there was a kerfuffle and Paco appeared (late) and said he'd had to feed Perro Negro Bandido and Imogen, his mom, before coming out.

Paco joined us for lunch; Imogen sat outside with Bandido who was so big, black and terrifying that he wasn't allowed inside. Lafayette went outside and suggested that Imogen got herself a job as a Polish barmaid to speed things up in the pub. “ No time,” she replied. “I've got to keep this ravening monster in check.” Lafayette thought this was rather a strange way to talk about Paco since he usually just drifted through life and wasn't particularly dangerous to anyone.

After lunch Froggy took us through Denton, then up a mega steep path to the top of the houses, then over the Downs towards where Bronco used to keep his horse Crunchy. It was a path not most of us had followed before, certainly Lafayette who lived only about a mile away had never explored this strange way. Matt was busy talking about how he had recently inspected Tubby's equipment and had not been impressed (what do they both get up to together?) The Captain hastened to clarify that Matt was only referring to his collection of VHS tapes (yeah, yeah) but Matt was so engrossed in his subject that he managed to fall down a hole and injure himself (slightly).

At this point we had arrived at Bishopstone, and Froggy laid before us the decisions we would have to make about what we could do next. Imogen took Bandido home so that he could savage some more sheep and gobble up a child or two

, and The Captain went back home to polish his equipment. The rest of us got on a bus into Seaford and ended up in The Old Boot where Sandyballs pronounced the Hammerpot beer to be crap (serves him right, he should have stuck to Harveys) and where Froggy gave us a lecture on British Heritage and where he was next going walking with Curly. Matt demanded that he produce lots of pictures especially of disordered bed sheets, but Froggy said he and Curly were sleeping in separate hammocks

so he couldn't oblige.

And so after a few more drinks the ramble ended. Despite the poor staffing arrangements we had had a good lunch and Froggy had taken us on ways and bye-ways we had never been before. An original ramble route is quite something these days; after nearly thirty years we've nearly worn East Sussex out. So thanks to Froggy and thanks to all our other guests. (bow, wow.) Next ramble Friday 26th August in Brighton.
Love.

Lafayette.

2nd July Ramble Ammendments

Hi guys

I've been getting a lot of very bad and negative feedback about these bloody Southern trains

so I propose that we shelve the walk from Berwick to Upper Dicker until more favourable times.

Instead I have a bijou favourite local ramble but it would no fun for Harry to get hereabouts from Lewes except on the 11:05 123 Compass bus from Lewes Bus Station, arriving in Newhaven Lower Place at 11:36 (with the last return 123 to Lewes from Sainsburys @ 17:39 or Newhaven Town Station @ 17:41 or Newhaven Lower Place @ 17:44, and arriving at Lewes Bus Station at 18:16). See how quickly I'm becoming a boring old bus anorak?

All I can then suggest is that we all meet up with Harry at the Newhaven bus stop at 11:36, go for an early lunch at the Flying Fish, then take an afternoon hike back towards Bishopstone/Seaford up and along the Downs (Rookery Way) and back to Bishopstone Station area so that Harry (and Charles, if he so desires) could jump on a 12 and get back to the preferred bus stop in good time for the last 123 Compass bus. The option for the remaining Seafordites would be to walk along the seafront or catch their own no 12.

I shall leave it up to each individual as to how you'll get to Newhaven Lower Place. Personally I think a no 12 @ 10:30 and a coffee in Newhaven Centre might go down a treat? Sorry I still don't have a mobile Charles but I'm sure someone else will!

Frog One

This change of ramble comes with grateful thanks to Tony, Imogene and Matt!

Brian! Are you getting all this!

Oh Yes, Froggy; I'm getting all of this for the "Blog".

Re July's Ramble - Matt's Reply

Phil , thanks for mail . I do not want to be a harbinger of doom ,

but just to let you know , I used the train system last Wednesday , and experienced a total nightmare, crowds ,

delays ,aggro and lack of air .....etc . You have quoted various train connections for Wednesday , I don't think
They will exist , and could be a disaster .i would also like to do this walk , but wonder is it the best time to do it .
For consideration .
Matt

July's Second Ramble Joining Information

OK guys, this one's really tough. I've checked all possibilities and 1/ I'd still like to do the walk from Berwick station to the Plough via the Yew Tree; 2/ those of us from Seaford, Bishopstone and Newhaven will have no choice but to climb on board a bus as there are no suitably timed trains.

The bus leaves Seaford station at 09:30. Unfortunately I can't find the expected arrival times at Bishopstone or Newhaven Town, but the bus is due to arrive at Lewes station at 09:58 and the one and only suitable train to Berwick (without first going to Polegate and back) is still the 10:09 from platform 3, arriving at Berwick at 10:20 hrs.

Harry? Can you please meet us on platform 3 as there won't be any time to go to the Runaway?

The journey back from Berwick station is even harder, with just about every train being replaced by a bus. There is a train at 17:20 but that goes the other way to Polegate first. Eventual ETA in Seaford is an hour later at 18:20. There is just one train that ensures a stress-free journey and that is the 18:17 from Berwick, arriving in Lewes at 18:28 and which connects with the 18:38 to Seaford, arriving there at 18:55 hrs. As this is the height of summer, hopefully this later-than-normal finish shouldn't be too bothersome?

There is, of course a way round all this uninvited clag simply by driving to the Berwick Inn and watching the alcohol consumption!!! Ho ho ho

Let's hope it's a good turn out in spite of Southern Rail.

Froggy x

July's Second Ramble date

Fellow Nierdos,

Naturally, for those of you who don't know/remember, the date of the next ramble is Wednesday 27th July.

humble apologies, mumble, mumble, rambling, rambling

Frog x

July's Second Ramble Joining Instructions

Fellow Nerds, I am your chosen Route Master for this next ramble. The Southern Rail shenanigans have left us with a very narrow opportunity to get to Berwick Station and so it shall have to be the 09:25 from Seaford (Bishopstone 09:27 & Newhaven Town 09:32) arriving at Lewes at 09:44. The connecting train to Berwick will depart from platform 3 at 10:09. There will be time to meet Harry in the Runaway and perhaps down a chosen quickie if the queue is not too long. This would then allow a 40 minute bijou stroll to the Yew Tree (opens at 11:00, train arrives at 10:20) for a couple of refreshing pints in the garden, weather permitting. The idea is then to locate the Wealdway and plough on to its namesake at Upper Dicker, where there is a very nice garden for unruly kids, dogs and Nerds. The return train opportunities from Berwick Station are at quarter past the hour (eg 16:17 & 17:17 with an extra one at 17:46, if need be).

I am away soon, re-walking the 32 mile 1066 with Curly Michael, so any changes to timings etc. will have to wait until 3-4 days before the event.

Frog Master One x

July's First Ramble

NERDS' Ramble No. 319 – Fri. 1st July 2016.

Those Present – Matt, Froggy, Sandyballs, Lafayette, Paco.

The Brexit Ramble.

The People had spoken. The NERDS had been kicked out of the Commonwealth. No more cheap bananas, no more cheap wine or calvados, no more dirty french postcards, no more Polish barmaids. The future looked bleak. Better see if we can all get a different passport so that we can retire to Barbados in due course.

Paco was OK, he was entitled to a Spanish passport. B.T. was born in Dublin so he could claim to be Irish. Curly Clarke and Sandyballs Ryan had impeccable Irish ancestry, so did Matt who was the Irishest of us all. Even Froggy could aspire to a French document (the clue's in his name).That left Lafayette who was as boringly English as St George (who was in fact Turkish) and who would be left on these shores when the rest of the NERDS took flight. Lafayette's maternal grandmother may possibly have been Welsh, but a fat lot of good that would do him when everyone left. Besides which, it always rains in Wales and Lafayette didn't speak the language there.

Since the days of the NERDS were obviously numbered we'd better make the most of the time left and go somewhere nice to celebrate Froggy not having to pay on buses any more.

And so we first took the train to Lewes and then the bus to Isfield where The Laughing Fish beckoned. Sat on the bus and looking out of the window Matt remarked how he wished all rambles were like this ie. no walking, all done on public transport and a pub twenty minutes after starting.

The Laughing Fish was well up to standard with lots of different real ales and an enthusiastic landlord to boot.

The question of payment was divisive. No longer do we have one whip for all, like in the old days; no, now we have one for Laf and S.B.only – the breakaway or brexit whip. Sandyballs mooted that in these days of revolution we should invite B.T. To produce a breakaway/brexit blog but realised he might want to write his own versions of rambles that he had never actually personally attended. OMG! He might actually make up things that never happened – can't have that.

The NERDS settled themselves in a quiet corner

and then Paco dropped his bombshell. He stated that he wanted Perro Negro Bandido

to come on all future rambles and be accorded full NERDS status. Oh dear, such consternation. Nobody was happy; was this against the NERDS' Constitution? NERDS don't mind women and pooftahs (in moderation, of course) but bloody DOGS, oh no, no, no! Paco accused the NERDS of animal discrimination; everyone shifted uncomfortably. Lafayette said he quite liked cats but they were a bit difficult to bring on rambles. Curly said he'd got a pet newt that he'd trod on but it was getting better

, but dogs were tricky. Paco stropped out. “ I think it's disgusting that you lot want to ban Perro Negro Bandido just because he's a dog,” he ranted “ I shall seriously think of stomping off somewhere else and joining a drinking (whoops, I mean rambling) group that loves animals and lets you bring your pets on walks.” So a compromise was reached. Perro Negro Bandido could come on NERDS' rambles as a guest, but not as a full NERD. ( His mom, Imogen could come too). But definitely no cats, parrots, giraffes or warthogs. And especially no newts.

The ramble continued. The weather was dull and shitty. It was cold and most un-July like. We walked along the road through Isfield and came across some very odd characters hanging around the middle of the village. Lots of funny soldiers dressed in red

( Were we in the middle of a terrorist alert?) and a weird pink lady who seemed up for grabs by anyone. Paco in his new role of animal rights champion and chief feminist took it upon himself to try to seduce the pink lady in the middle of the village (see picture)

, but the other NERDS pulled him off her and promised he could have a go with their own pets back at home if he desisted from this awkward display of overt sexuality.

We crossed some fields and ran into a bunch of cows, calves and bulls. Froggy was wearing a Welsh shirt - like bright red it was, and was worried about being attacked for being an England supporter. However, Paco persuaded them not to attack us. (He can talk to the animals, see.) Then we found ourselves at the Anchor at Barkham next to the river where lunch beckoned.

Many years ago the Three Original NERDS had happened upon this pub when they had been in the habit of walking considerable distances.The problem was that they arrived there late in the afternoon after the pub had shut. However there was a very pleasant garden next to the river so these Early NERDS made themselves comfortable and someone had the bright idea of knocking on the pub door and politely asking if they would sell us a bottle of wine. This ploy had actually worked and everyone was content. Shortly after, a group of thirsty cyclists had rolled up and found themselves in the same situation as the NERDS, so they were told what we had done. Unfortunately the owner by this time had got fed up with importuning strangers outside of licensing hours, and had told the cyclists to fuck off as they were disturbing his siesta. But that was all long ago and landlords these days were desperate to lure people within to take their money from them.

The Anchor had raised its standards from yesteryear

and now provided good beer and pretty good, though fairly expensive food.

The NERDS

were conducted to the banqueting suite at the back where they could make more noise. Matt changed his seat so that he could hold court at the head of the table and relegated Froggy to the baby chair at the other end. It was Perro eat perro. Then Froggy arranged a Club Corona for the following week and Matt arranged a Club Aux Scoffers date for the week after that. Such exciting stuff! We now have all these Brexit style splinter groups carving out their independence from the Original NERDS. When do we get Corona and Scoffer teeshirts then? What about the Animal Rights aspect to all this? Can Lafayette bring his pet toad

along?

Fortunately it was time to move on so Sandyballs led out back into the great outdoors and along the pleasant river path back towards Lewes. Through field after field we tramped; the weather getting colder and even more dull. Finally we got to some bus stop where S.B. said this was an opportunity for Froggy to avoid paying his fare again - except there was no bus for a long, long time. Lafayette got fed up and went and bought himself an ice cream. Still no bus came. S.B.'s bus app on his phone didn't seem to be working; it was nearly the next day. Thankfully, about teatime the number 29 from Tonbridge rolled up, and thankfully wasn't full of schoolkids.

The Seaford contingent managed to get a bus back from Lewes so Froggy managed to avoid paying tons of money that day. It was to be a new era for him. A brexit from paying fares. His future looked bright.

So thanks to all who took part and what adventures we'd all had! Next ramble again in July, on the 27th.

That's all for now.

Lafayette.

July's Double Rambles

This month we have TWO rambles - on Friday 1st and then Wednesday 27th. This Friday's Ramble is not yet in tablets of stone as I only returned to a newly independent UK (Hooray!) late Friday from Tuscany. I am also in the late planning stage of my trip to Transylvania. Also I am having to do the odd shift at Gatwick - yes, I know, making a rod for my own back, etc.

I have a plan for the ramble which I have almost completed. So, if participating NERDS could catch the usual 09.55 train ( if it is not cancelled) from Seaford Central to Lewes, I will meet you outside Lewes station. One thing, this Ramble will almost certainly involve the use of your BUS PASS !

See you on the day.

Sandyballs

May's Ramble 25th May 2016

NERDS' Ramble No. 318. 25th May 2016.


Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt, Curly, Bronco, Paco.

Guests – Imogen and some dog..

The Perro Bandido Negro Ramble.



The NERDS hadn't seen Bronco for a while. He had been hiding his light under a bushel in Ringmer so S.B. decided the next route should be over that way. We could check up on him, see how many new cars he'd smashed etc. and ask him how Crunchy had been keeping.

However Paco threw the NERDS into disarray at the last minute by requesting the presence of a couple of guests including A DOG

Now, the NERDS don't usually have much to do with dogs, we're more pussy lovers (see B.T. who has tons of them)

. There was a ramble many years ago when S.B.'s mate, Mike, was allowed to bring his Perro Sordo who was useless as far as listening out for burglars. Then there was Perro Ciego in Shropshire who was so afflicted he kept banging into the pub furniture while his sighted owner was trying to enjoy a pint. Not to mention Layby Perro Muerto, one of the local beauty spots in Seaford where Philby used to take his afternoon nap. So it was with some trepidation that we encountered Perro Bandido Negro, a large slavering but friendly brute, half rottweiler and half wolverine, who was dragging around Imogen, a DFL mate of Paco's daughter.

We arrived in Lewes

to pick up Sandyballs wherupon Bandido turfed some poor girl off the station bench and insisted on having a selfie with the NERDS

. This took quite a time as Froggy still hasn't worked out how to operate his camera and Bandido kept howling at him to hurry up.

We traversed Lewes and began the long trek up Heart-attack Hill towards the golf club. Our Routemaster inflicts this way on us at least once a year to gauge the general NERDS' fitness. It's a bit like the police having an annual assessment to weed out the obese and unfit officers who are no longer fit for duty. In the NERDS it's keep up or die. There are thousands more candidates who want to join the NERDS; applications are constantly flooding in. Our combined age is such that rather like in a herd of wildebeeste, the sick ones at the back can fall to all sorts of nasty predators, like Death, Destruction and Disease. So watch out Paco and make sure your stents are up to date.

Thankfully, half way up said hill Bandido wanted to stop for another photo session

, again prolonged because of the merciless technology of the Froggy camera. When we resumed, gasping up to the summit we were constantly harrassed by golfers in posh cars who were trying to decimate our numbers. (What did I say about predators?)

Eventually we found ourselves floating carefree over the Downs

with Bandido sniffing at every patch of Perro-wee that he encountered

. Curly kept us fortified with his welcome hip flask full of malt whisky and Froggy told us about the challenge he had taken up from the BBC which required him to read 100 books in 100 days. They had started him off gently on Janet and John Book 2

, and thereafter he was going to attempt Rupert Bear

and even Little Black Sambo

- if this one was still allowed.

We paused awhile for a little dissertation from Sandyballs about the Glyndebourne windmill

. This apparently swings around to show you which direction the wind is coming from as well as glows in the dark to light up your path when you're out cycling at 4 o'clock in the morning. Very useful. Lafayette wondered if it had any other useful functions such as providing electricity for those in Lewes who needed to constantly keep their mobile phones charged.

We descended into Ringmer. It was a pleasant sunny day and as we were a bit early we thought of knocking on Bronco's door and surprising him with a Perro-welcome. Sadly, nobody could remember where he lived other than that it was within walking distance of The Plough, to which we now repaired.

Bronco wasn't there because he probably hadn't even got up yet, so we made ourselves comfortable round a large table

where Bandido kept trying to eat the salt and pepper pots. Paco made some ill judged remark to the effect that the lunch “ was on him” which went down well with everybody, except he had been talking to Imogen. To negate this he had to remove himself “at the speed of light” to the bar to avoid all the hou-ha from his alleged new generosity.

Fortunately at this point Bronco rocked up with a glass of champagne in his hand – such style

, such panache! He was in good spirits as usual although he was a bit disturbed when Bandido started chewing his feet. Bronco said he was really more of a cat person since Crunchy, his horse, had died, and we noticed that his jersey was covered in ginger hairs. “Pussy Hair,” he told us so we averted our gaze although Matt wanted to know which brand of Viagra he was on. Rude Person!

Imogen became NERDS photographer and took lots of snaps because she was technologically adept and Bandido

ate everyone's steak when he thought they weren't looking. Actually the food

and the drink

were of a high standard since The Plough has recently become a gastro pub. Costs a lot, though. Bronco revealed that he actually lunches a lot at “Famiglia” a restaurant in the centre of Lewes because it's cheaper. Sounds a good place to end a ramble, especially if it just starts at the station.

Finally we all said goodbye to Bronco with lots of hugs and kisses

and Bandido weed up his leg as a sign of love and respect. The NERDS all got the bus back to Lewes and carried on drinking – to ward off old age and predators. It had been a real ramble with hills and things

so we weren't really going soft. It's always pleasant to see Bronco, and Imogen and Bandido Negro had been an interesting couple

.

No ramble in June this time as everyone is on hols somewhere, so we now have two set for July. Watch out for announcements from the Routemaster.

Woof, woof.



Lafayette.

May's Ramble 2016

After last week's cancellation we are now due to walk on Wednesday 25th. Mind you in view of the rain last Wednesday it was a good thing that we did cancel. So our brothers in the rail union actually did us a favour. Hopefully the weather will be kinder this week and we finally get to lunch with Bronco.

Down to details. It is hard to be precise on timing but I think we should aim to meet Bronco between 12.30 and 1PM at The Anchor. I will probably book a table as the place can get busy. So, the usual 09.55 from Seaford and I will meet you all outside Lewes station at about 10.15hrs. Best wear proper walking boots ( if you have them) as the going may be a little soft.

Hope there are not too many cardiac arrests going up Chapel Hill!

Sandyballs

May's Messages !

Hi everybody!

2 months today to my bus pass!

F-F Frog

Seeeeeeeeeeguuuuuulllllls!

Wow! Matt xxxx what's the plan.....

Nerdies

I may have misheard this on this morning's news and I have no way of backing it up as I didn't listen again, but I thought I heard someone, talking about the rail strikes, mentioned the 18th June?

I hope that I have got this totally wrong and that there is no strike on this day......otherwise poor Malcolm will miss out yet again?

F-F Frog

Seeeeeguuuullllls!

Hi y'all,

Just back from Sicily and raring to ramble! However, thanks to eagle-eyed Froggy, it seems that the f.......g b...........s rail workers are due to go on strike AGAIN on the 18th. Well recognizing the democratic right of workers to withdraw their labour in the aid of ameliorating their terms and conditions - it is still bloody annoying.

I now propose that we switch to the following Wednesday, 25th. I think Matt cannot make either 18th or 25th. Any problems for anyone?

Don't worry ,Bronco, we will have that lunch with you soon!

Sandy

April's Ramble 2016

NERDS' Ramble No. 317 – 27th April 2016.

Those Present – Lafayette, Froggy, Curly, Paco, Matt, The Bish.

Those not Present – Sandyballs.

The Emergency Ramble.



Sandyballs had been faced with a crisis. He had intended to take everyone over to Ringmer to meet Bronco – to say hello, and to try out lunch in The Plough – but a timing malfunction had occurred. Although Sandyballs was never, ever going back to work at Gatwick (because he felt exploited; because he was older than everyone else; because the CIOs were all seventeen year old girlies who paid him no respect; because it meant sitting on the desk for about 8 hours etc. etc.) so, despite all this shit, SB felt obliged to attend a well paid re-training programme on the day of the ramble just in case anybody came crawling on their knees to him begging for his return. Nuff said........

And so Brave Lafayette had stepped into the breach to cover up for SB's sins. You see, normally Laf. would have been to see his dear, old, demented 115 year old grandmother

who he visited every day in her nursing home, to hold her hand and to make her a cup of tea. However because of Sandyballs' excessive love of money Laf had had to give up his pious good work to get out the rambling maps and to work out a new route, not to mention having to organise lunch somewhere at short notice.

Nevertheless a good number of NERDS rolled up at Lavender Lodge

on the due day, and Curly had even been thoughtful enough to provide a bottle of Cava to get everyone into the mood for er....

more drinking. Mrs Lafayette came and took photos of everyone while Matt regaled us with a tale of how he had once been held up at Sorrento airport where terrorists had spent hours torturing him by forcing him to eat all the McFlurry icecreams on the plane.

Eventually the ramble got under way. The NERDS went from chez Lafayette down towards Denton island,

and then through the little known, but interesting wild part of North Newhaven where the flora and fauna were different and where the fat, tattooed baby elephants pushing prams

, the usual inhabitants of the town, were not to be seen.

A little further on we passed close by Piddinghoe Sailing Club where Matt made a friend with a man who was titting about with his boat, and asked him to sail away with him to America. The man sensibly declined. We walked along the bank of The Mighty Ouse where the day was sunny but with a cold wind. We admired the retro, post renaissance, gothic architecture of The Incinerator which Lewes District Council was trying to turn into a listed building to attract that summer's influx of tourists away from the fleshpots of Brighton. Further along was the famous Newhaven Marina where all the local oligarchs moored their yachts, and yes, there in pride of place was the Admiral's huge, fabulous catamaran

which was rivalled only by the luxury vessel owned by B.T. in the South of France. Truly Newhaven was the jewel in the crown of the south coast of England where the rich gathered to see and be seen and to flaunt their conspicuous consumption!

But back to the poor NERDS. A quick pit stop was arranged at the Jolly Boatman

where Lafayette had spent many a happy hour before he had moved to Lavender Lodge over at the posh part of the town. As I may have mentioned previously the Jolly Boatman is a pleasant, spit and sawdust, roll-your-own type of pub

which serves a good pint. When we were comfortably ensconced in its circle of armchairs the conversation turned to food.

The Bish told us how he had always thought that Morrisson's sausages were a little bland in flavour until the previous week when they had suddenly got better. Matt mentioned that he had heard that Magnus Gilroy while working on the deli counter at Morrissons had inadvertantly chopped off one of his fingers and maybe that had something to do with the increase in quality.

Feeling hungry now, the NERDS headed out of the pub to make for the Flying Fish at Denton where lunch was to take place. The sky clouded over and it began to rain.

We were still half a mile from The Fish and Paco discovered he had no coat and was going to get wet, but fortunately we arrived before any great damage was done.

Recognising that the NERDS were special, the pub had reserved us a pleasant table in the corner so we could be apart from the local hoi poloi and so that we could conduct our exciting and dicreet conversations in privacy.

As it happened the pub's consideration of our special status was all for nought as we were the only customers that day. Froggy was late in joining the table and got into a strop because all the white chairs had been taken and so a mini game of musical chairs took place until he was satisfactorily seated.

The food was OK but took a long time in coming largely it seemed because one youth was running the bar and the kitchen at the same time.

Wednesdays must be a bit slow in Denton.

Finally the ramble broke up with Matt going to Sainsburys for his weekly shop – because it was classier than Morrissons, and The Bish going to Morrissons to get some more sausages. A suggestion that The NERDS carried on drinking at The Engineer was vetoed because nobody used the whip anymore and Bob was only accepting bitcoins these days because he'd gone over to doing business on the Dark Web.

So, that was the April ramble. Thanks to Curly for his generous gift of a bottle of cava to start it all off, and to Lafayette for taking over the reins of responsibility at short notice. We wish Sandyballs well in his attempt never to return to Gatwick to make even more money from a dying institution, and if all goes to plan we shall see Bronco next month – Inch' a' Allah.



Bye bye.


Lafayette.