January 2012 Ramble

NERDS’ Ramble No. 266 Wed. 4.1.2012.

NERDS - Lafayette, Sandyballs, Froggy, Matt, El Paco.

Darksiders - Dave, Roger, Ed, Marion, Sheila, Jane, Robert, Spangles, Moi.

Lafayette’s Birthday Bash.

This was somewhat in the nature of an experiment - introducing the NERDS to people from the outside world who were not just barmaids. A joint ramble with the Gatwick (South) Darkside, most of whom had seen the light (despite the name ), become unfit for purpose and retired to do what the NERDS do - drink and walk a bit.

It also happened that it was Lafayette’s 65th birthday. Another pension - hooray! That’s why he was hosting the ramble and providing cakes and fizz. NERDS came bearing gifts. Lafayette got a bottle of posh rum from Sandyballs (always useful), a hat with hair growing out of it from Froggy (always useful) and a nice bottle of wine from Matt.

Shortly after the Gatwick lot arrived also bearing gifts and cards too numerous to mention, but nonetheless gratefully received. Sheilax had got lost and was late so someone had to go and look for her. What do you expect from incompetent HMIs?

Fortunately the NERDS and the Darksiders had a lot in common and it did not take long for tales of ECO atrocities and “famous Nigerians wot I knocked off” etc stories to circulate. Meanwhile Spangles was amusing herself by crunching up Lafayette’s Christmas decorations in a dark corner to the delight of Lafayette’s slovenly daughter who was still kicking around in her pyjamas (as usual). At this point it was noticed that the NERDS were making a very poor showing, there being only two who had turned up. Matt had a bad back and said he would meet us for lunch, Bronco was in hospital getting his bits replaced, but of El Paco there was no sign. Rumour had it that he had thought the ramble had been the day before, but he hadn’t turned up even then!

Anyway after the vin and cake d’honneur everyone put themselves under Lafayette’s leadership to be shown round the delights of Newhaven. The weather was cold and very windy but we headed down towards The Mighty Ouse where Lafayette pointed out the picturesque metal tip and the artistic incinerator which had been built to get rid of fiendish Algerians caught trying to gain entry to the UK in the back of lorries.
Useful - no paperwork you see.

On, on up the course of the river we went with Spangles chasing anything that moved - swans, cats, Algerians - and the rest of us trying not to slip in and drown.
We reached Piddinghoe, a pleasant fishing village which used to have a good pub, The Royal Oak, many years ago. However due to a very suspicious fire the latter had been turned into a private house. Some say that King Charles the First had been seen floating around inside this house but he had not often been seen with his head at the same time.
On the way back we admired the incinerator again and then popped into The Jolly Boatman at the bottom of Lafayette’s old road for a wee and a snifter. Lafayette hadn’t been in here for about ten years and found that it was still pretty crap. However they were serving some posh Christmas Ale called “Santa Claus” which turned out to be very tasty. Maid Marion of course had to show us all up by betraying her bourgeois roots and demanding cava to drink.

Time was marching on and we were not, so Lafayette dragged everyone out of the pub in an attempt to get a move on and get down to the Flying Fish for lunch. We made it only about ten minutes late but the Old Aussie who ran the place didn’t seem to mind. There we ran into a) Matt who had gone there early to get a good seat, and b) surprise, surprise, Paco and young daughter, Lara who had dragged him out of bed, dusted him off and driven him to the rendezvous. Thank you, Lara; Paco needs organising and a firm hand.

Lunch was pretty good except things got a bit complicated with two sets of kitty/ whip to deal with at first. The wine flowed, the candles refused to be lit and Sandy balls and Lafayette were given carte blanche to finish off Sheilax’s chips. More wine flowed; the Darksiders started fraternising with the NERDS and all went well. Jane snuggled up to Paco, Matt snuggled up to Froggy, Lafayette snuggled up to Spangles and Ed got bored and went off to play darts with somebody’s 10 year old son. Soon it got dark. “Hooray, “ thought Lafayette “I won’t have to take them rambling any more cos they’re too pissed. There was even a cameo appearance from Mrs. Sandyballs who had been teaching nearby and who dragged Sandyballs home out of the hands of the Darkside Harpies.

After lunch we all moved into the other bar next to the fire. It was very warm and pleasant. So warm in fact that Sheilax managed to go to sleep against the bar. Now Lafayette is an expert in going to sleep, it runs in his family, but to see someone sleeping upright and not falling over - how cool is that? Lafayette was dead impressed and vowed to practise this himself so that he could save energy on future NERDS rambles.

Little by little the NERDS all slipped away. I mean, they all lived so far away, and even the Darksiders thought maybe they should head for home. So Lafayette led them to the station where they all missed the train by about five seconds. Still it enabled everyone to say goodbye to each other at leisure and to appreciate the fine architectural features of Newhaven station for another twenty minutes or so.

Lafayette reckoned it had been a success; The NERDS and Darksiders hadn’t quarrelled and nobody had got injured. In fact it had been quite fun and perhaps another joint bash might be considered for some time in the future.

Lafayette would like to thank all those who participated,
gave him cards and contributed to his wine cellar.
Happy New Year to tout le monde.

Lafayette.

January 4th Ramble Joining Instructions

Dear NERDS,

Hope you all had a good Christmas and here's wishing you a Happy New Year.

This months ramble will kick off chez Lafayette and will be graced by some of the Gatwick South group ( The Darkside ).

Meet at Lafayette's house at 10 30hrs. This will mean getting the 10 o'clockish train from Seaford - those of you who come from that direction. Sandyballs get an appropriate train from Lewes.

Lunch will be at the Flying Fish.

Lafayette.

P.S. There may be girlies from Gatwick so make sure you have had a wash and don't do any swearing.