Saturday, December 13, 2008
N.E.R.D.S. Ramble No. 229. Wed 10th Dec. 2008.
Christmas Ramble 2008.
Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, B.T., Bronco, Mystery Guest and
Mystery Guest’s mate.
It was a Wednesday and Sandyballs claimed it was bound to be good weather – and so it was. The sky was blue, the sun was out and Santa’s little helpers (aka The NERDS ) had taken time off from filling everybody’s stocking to spend a day pissing it up and trying to guess who the Mystery Guest might be. Lafayette reckoned it was Trevor (again) but the odds on this were fairly long. Various other dead people were suggested but even though Christmas was a time of ghosties and ghoulies most of us were pinning our hopes on someone sexy, female and preferably still warm so that general drooling and licentiousness could take place. Would it be Shirley or Carys or even Crunchie? We needed someone to cater for all tastes, but Sandyballs was not letting on and so rumor was rife.
The ramble started at Lewes station for the usual headcount. Matt was in Ireland negotiating a big lavatory sale, The Admiral, who sometimes came, was winding down to retirement and trying to frighten everybody with rumors of his staying on. Paco (another occasional guest) had forgotten what day it was and The Bish was way out to sea in his Pea Green Boat stuffing his face. That left the usual gang of wastrels (see above), and so we set off towards the golf course.
Half way up Golf Course Hill we were all knackered so B.T. stopped us for a photo shoot. Froggy sat quietly (for once) with a dog lead round his neck while Lafayette tugged the other end and announced that Froggy was his new Bitch. (This to go already with his Quazi, his Catamite and all his other infernal pets, so it looked like being a bumper Christmas for Lafayette). Remember, a Quazi, a Bitch and a Catamite are not just for Christmas…….
We rolled over the hills in the bright sunshine, some of us wearing silly hats and some of us swigging from hipflasks. We went wrong a few times, but hey! look who was in charge, and did it really matter as Glynde, our final destination is always a pleasure to visit. Eventually we rolled into the Trevor Arms where Peter, the landlord (Why are most landlords called Peter?) wacked a load of pints on to the bar and started to boost his annual profits.
After about three pints the “Mystery Guest Contest” ground to a halt. No-one had come up with anything original and Sandyballs was smirking. The M.G., however, had still not arrived and the NERDS were getting hungrier and hungrier and threatening to gobble up all the Old Trouts who were hanging about and who seemed to be getting served way ahead of them. Even the old English skill of beer mat flipping had lost its appeal.
Suddenly there was a clatter of high heels, and a burst of perfume wafted through the door closely followed by Sandyballs’ first born, La Bella Katherina, who it must be said, was well up to M.G. standards and made us all feel suddenly very, very old. Kisses all round, lunch got under way and the NERDS were happy again. The food was excellent, and much wine was drunk. Sandyballs kept complaining at one stage that he couldn’t pour the wine out until Bronco pointed out that the bottle he was holding still had the top on it. La Bella Katherina recalled Nerdling Picnics many years previously when most of the Nerdlings were teeny weeny, and where B.T. got his face smashed in for tripping over Lafayette’s foot. Oh, happy days!
Somehow everybody ended up on Glynde station having their photo taken (again) and training it back to Lewes to the Lansdowne Arms. Here La Bella Katherina introduced her own Mystery Guest – a luscious piece called Helen who had heard that the NERDS were all sexy old men and wanted to get a piece of the action. She was made very welcome and filled up with drink; nobody could believe she had a 16yr old daughter but plans started to be laid for a Grand Nerdlings Picnic in the Summer when we sexy old men would invite all the young crumpet around to an orgy on the Downs. Ho, ho, ho…
Finally we decamped to The Royal Oak where only “Young People” are normally allowed to enter. However an exception was made for The Sexy Old Men because of their charming companions. There Sandyballs promptly fell asleep and had to be hauled home by his daughter.
So, thanks go to Sandyballs for getting us lost and allowing us to letch at La Bella Katherina. Thanks of course go to Kathryn and to Helen for being beautiful, and to all the Nerds for being ugly. B.T. is to be congratulated for producing such an inspired blog
( Newhaven Eating Rambling Drinking Society), Bronco for dishing out most of his watches during the year and Froggy for his fantastic, autobiographical book which inspired Lafayette to produce his own deathless prose.
Happy Christmas, All.
Lafayette.
Christmas Ramble 2008.
Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, B.T., Bronco, Mystery Guest and
Mystery Guest’s mate.
It was a Wednesday and Sandyballs claimed it was bound to be good weather – and so it was. The sky was blue, the sun was out and Santa’s little helpers (aka The NERDS ) had taken time off from filling everybody’s stocking to spend a day pissing it up and trying to guess who the Mystery Guest might be. Lafayette reckoned it was Trevor (again) but the odds on this were fairly long. Various other dead people were suggested but even though Christmas was a time of ghosties and ghoulies most of us were pinning our hopes on someone sexy, female and preferably still warm so that general drooling and licentiousness could take place. Would it be Shirley or Carys or even Crunchie? We needed someone to cater for all tastes, but Sandyballs was not letting on and so rumor was rife.
The ramble started at Lewes station for the usual headcount. Matt was in Ireland negotiating a big lavatory sale, The Admiral, who sometimes came, was winding down to retirement and trying to frighten everybody with rumors of his staying on. Paco (another occasional guest) had forgotten what day it was and The Bish was way out to sea in his Pea Green Boat stuffing his face. That left the usual gang of wastrels (see above), and so we set off towards the golf course.
Half way up Golf Course Hill we were all knackered so B.T. stopped us for a photo shoot. Froggy sat quietly (for once) with a dog lead round his neck while Lafayette tugged the other end and announced that Froggy was his new Bitch. (This to go already with his Quazi, his Catamite and all his other infernal pets, so it looked like being a bumper Christmas for Lafayette). Remember, a Quazi, a Bitch and a Catamite are not just for Christmas…….
We rolled over the hills in the bright sunshine, some of us wearing silly hats and some of us swigging from hipflasks. We went wrong a few times, but hey! look who was in charge, and did it really matter as Glynde, our final destination is always a pleasure to visit. Eventually we rolled into the Trevor Arms where Peter, the landlord (Why are most landlords called Peter?) wacked a load of pints on to the bar and started to boost his annual profits.
After about three pints the “Mystery Guest Contest” ground to a halt. No-one had come up with anything original and Sandyballs was smirking. The M.G., however, had still not arrived and the NERDS were getting hungrier and hungrier and threatening to gobble up all the Old Trouts who were hanging about and who seemed to be getting served way ahead of them. Even the old English skill of beer mat flipping had lost its appeal.
Suddenly there was a clatter of high heels, and a burst of perfume wafted through the door closely followed by Sandyballs’ first born, La Bella Katherina, who it must be said, was well up to M.G. standards and made us all feel suddenly very, very old. Kisses all round, lunch got under way and the NERDS were happy again. The food was excellent, and much wine was drunk. Sandyballs kept complaining at one stage that he couldn’t pour the wine out until Bronco pointed out that the bottle he was holding still had the top on it. La Bella Katherina recalled Nerdling Picnics many years previously when most of the Nerdlings were teeny weeny, and where B.T. got his face smashed in for tripping over Lafayette’s foot. Oh, happy days!
Somehow everybody ended up on Glynde station having their photo taken (again) and training it back to Lewes to the Lansdowne Arms. Here La Bella Katherina introduced her own Mystery Guest – a luscious piece called Helen who had heard that the NERDS were all sexy old men and wanted to get a piece of the action. She was made very welcome and filled up with drink; nobody could believe she had a 16yr old daughter but plans started to be laid for a Grand Nerdlings Picnic in the Summer when we sexy old men would invite all the young crumpet around to an orgy on the Downs. Ho, ho, ho…
Finally we decamped to The Royal Oak where only “Young People” are normally allowed to enter. However an exception was made for The Sexy Old Men because of their charming companions. There Sandyballs promptly fell asleep and had to be hauled home by his daughter.
So, thanks go to Sandyballs for getting us lost and allowing us to letch at La Bella Katherina. Thanks of course go to Kathryn and to Helen for being beautiful, and to all the Nerds for being ugly. B.T. is to be congratulated for producing such an inspired blog
( Newhaven Eating Rambling Drinking Society), Bronco for dishing out most of his watches during the year and Froggy for his fantastic, autobiographical book which inspired Lafayette to produce his own deathless prose.
Happy Christmas, All.
Lafayette.
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