Thursday, September 18, 2008
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
At Last the "Double" write-up
THE N.E.R.D.S. Rambles 226 & 227.
No.226 Thursday 31st July 2008.
Those present - Froggy, Bronco, Sandyballs, Matt, Lafayette
The Morpheus Ramble.
Those endowed with a Classical education, and who may have read Ovid, will know that the deity who presided over this month’s ramble is the god of
forgetfulness. Lafayette had lost his contemporaneous notes, alas, and so had to rely on his failing memory. What is more, when he ‘fessed up to this peccadillo he found that the rest of the Nerds had memories just as crap as his and so nobody really knows exactly what happened.
Although the she-devil alcohol may have warped our collective memories a bit, Sandyballs remembers taking us to Cooden Beach on the train. Shirley wasn’t there this time, more’s the pity, since she gets quite articulate when drink is thrust upon her, and she may well have been able to tell us what we got up to,
(or not, depending on what we may have done).
Most of us remember that the weather was dull and that we walked over a lot of fields arriving finally at The Star at Cooden Beach. The food and drink were very good involving a buffet lunch and four different sorts of meat. We walked back along the stony beach which made for difficult locomotion (Lafayette remembers remarking about this to Bronco) and we all had an icecream. Then we had a few drinks in the pouring rain in a pub near the station and came home.
So you see, a bloody boring ramble really, and one hardly worth writing about even if Lafayette’s notes had been discovered. If only Shirley had been there things might have been so different…
Now this next ramble on the other hand.
Publishers Note.
It is really sad when the one tasked in recording the annals looses his marbles. As you may see from the photographs there was another member of this group who actually ambled on this promenade and recorded the findings in celluloid. Perhaps of ghosts of ramblers past are f***ing up the “Ramrod”.
Ramble No. 227 - Thursday 4th Sept. 2008
Those Present - Lafayette, Sandyballs, B.T., Froggy, Bronco.
The Darts In Lewes Ramble.
Well we had hardly rubbed the sleep from our eyes when the telephones of the Nerds began to jingle off the walls. Outside the weather had decided not to shine on the righteous and the rain was falling in stair rods. ( Who writes this shit, anyway?) Sandyballs was concerned that the Nerds would all drown if he took us on his proposed route and Lafayette agreed. One fatality per year in the Nerds is more than enough, we didn’t want to commit mass suicide. So…. a bit of darts practice was mooted and the boys were all told to bring their weapons.
Froggy met Lafayette on the train. It could have been a fairly banal journey apart from the fact that they were squeezed in among about 1500 female teenage students all in very short skirts, casual decollete white blouses and all madly texting each other so that they did not see the slavering, lust ridden expressions on these Nerds’ faces, nor did they realise the awful effect they were having on the nether regions of these upright citizens. Imagine my surprise (as the saying goes) when all of a flash Froggy and Lafayette suddenly found themselves in Lewes as though time had accelerated and they had both been in Moslem heaven.
Anyway, enough of this porn. L. and F. met the others outside the station all except Bronco who was not answering his phone and seemed to be incommunicado. Finally he turned up wearing immaculate suede boots, a smart jacket and sporting a stylish umbrella to qualify for Best Dressed Nerd of the Year award. B.T. , our newly promoted Nerds photographer, had a field day recording this piece of sartorial elegance - especially the umbrella. Bronco said he didn’t want to get his suede boots wet and we all told him not to be such a fairy otherwise we’d go over to his house and confiscate his horse and eat him (the horse).
Sandyballs mooted a mini ramble around the ruined priory but luckily it started to rain at that instant so we had to turn about and head for the nearest drinking hole. This turned out to be the King’s Head which did not seem to be very open -even at gone half past eleven in the morning. There was a postman outside with what looked like a parcel to deliver, so we hung about thinking to dash inside once the door was opened , however, sadly, the postie decided he’d got the wrong address and moved on.
Fortunately The Swan at Southover was open so we all piled into the well proportioned games room and got stuck into throwing darts at each other.
The more we drank, the better we played. Lafayette and B.T. (The Real Ports) against Froggy and Sandyballs (The Dinky Ports). The results see-sawed back and forth with The Real Ports winning most of the games where some mental agility was called for (like adding up a score and taking it away from what you got last time), and The Dinky Ports who managed one good shot to win at cricket. Meanwhile Bronco was in dispute with the very helpful barman over the lack of black rats in his cider, but the barman said they didn’t make the cider out of black rats any more because folks were getting peed off with the results.
Since The Swan had a suspect kitchen (too many rats) we decided to proceed to The Brewers for lunch where Sandyballs had family connections. This became
very obvious when the landlady, Cathy, upon seeing Sandyballs come crashing over the doorstep, went and brought out her love-child, Elena, held her up in his face and said “You’re late with this month’s maintenance again !” Sandyballs told her to chalk it up on his account once again since he had the promise of a lucrative short posting to Brussels due to the sad demise of the previous incumbent and where you got free red wine and were paid in euros.
We had an excellent lunch in the Brewers - Froggy was so taken with the food that he even had a second meal while he pondered the compelling question of
“ What exactly is a Quasamite?” and where once again the Proper Ports trounced the Dinky Ports at darts. On the way out we saw Cathy’s Dad, Jasper, sat on the steps outside the back door. He collared Sandyballs and said “ You see moy daughter all roit and I ’ll put you forward for a position in the masons, but spurn ’er and I’ll put the word round an’ yorl never get another point uv Harveys in Lewes agin.” Sandyballs thought a rapid escape abroad again might be to his advantage.
But first it was decided to visit an old friend of Sandyballs in the Crown Hotel down the road. Yes, the Ugly Barmaid was still there, and even uglier if that was possible. Froggy thought he had found the answer to his compelling question at last - a Quasamite is whatever turns you on - until Lafayette gently reminded him of all the untapped nymphet crumpet that was due to come out of the Tertiary College in the next few hours.
And so we rolled down to the John Harvey where Bronco suddenly realised he’d left the whip back at the Crown. Oh no! The Ugly Barmaid was probably spending it on a costly face-lift to lure yet more innocent young men in to her exotic boudoir where she would fill them full of drink and do wicked, horrible things to them. Apart from wanting to rid themselves of this vile vision, the Nerds wanted another drink so Bronco and Froggy were despatched to rescue our money and to save the Lewes youth from certain perdition. Luckily the wip was still intact and the day was saved.
This had certainly been a “ramble” with a difference. Just the right amount of walking and we had renewed aquaintance with a number of interesting characters. Well, you can’t do a lot outdoors when it’s pissing down with rain, can you? Lets hope the weather is kinder for our second ramble at the end of September.
Los Nierdos para siempre!
Lafayette.
No.226 Thursday 31st July 2008.
Those present - Froggy, Bronco, Sandyballs, Matt, Lafayette
The Morpheus Ramble.
Those endowed with a Classical education, and who may have read Ovid, will know that the deity who presided over this month’s ramble is the god of
forgetfulness. Lafayette had lost his contemporaneous notes, alas, and so had to rely on his failing memory. What is more, when he ‘fessed up to this peccadillo he found that the rest of the Nerds had memories just as crap as his and so nobody really knows exactly what happened.
Although the she-devil alcohol may have warped our collective memories a bit, Sandyballs remembers taking us to Cooden Beach on the train. Shirley wasn’t there this time, more’s the pity, since she gets quite articulate when drink is thrust upon her, and she may well have been able to tell us what we got up to,
(or not, depending on what we may have done).
Most of us remember that the weather was dull and that we walked over a lot of fields arriving finally at The Star at Cooden Beach. The food and drink were very good involving a buffet lunch and four different sorts of meat. We walked back along the stony beach which made for difficult locomotion (Lafayette remembers remarking about this to Bronco) and we all had an icecream. Then we had a few drinks in the pouring rain in a pub near the station and came home.
So you see, a bloody boring ramble really, and one hardly worth writing about even if Lafayette’s notes had been discovered. If only Shirley had been there things might have been so different…
Now this next ramble on the other hand.
Publishers Note.
It is really sad when the one tasked in recording the annals looses his marbles. As you may see from the photographs there was another member of this group who actually ambled on this promenade and recorded the findings in celluloid. Perhaps of ghosts of ramblers past are f***ing up the “Ramrod”.
Ramble No. 227 - Thursday 4th Sept. 2008
Those Present - Lafayette, Sandyballs, B.T., Froggy, Bronco.
The Darts In Lewes Ramble.
Well we had hardly rubbed the sleep from our eyes when the telephones of the Nerds began to jingle off the walls. Outside the weather had decided not to shine on the righteous and the rain was falling in stair rods. ( Who writes this shit, anyway?) Sandyballs was concerned that the Nerds would all drown if he took us on his proposed route and Lafayette agreed. One fatality per year in the Nerds is more than enough, we didn’t want to commit mass suicide. So…. a bit of darts practice was mooted and the boys were all told to bring their weapons.
Froggy met Lafayette on the train. It could have been a fairly banal journey apart from the fact that they were squeezed in among about 1500 female teenage students all in very short skirts, casual decollete white blouses and all madly texting each other so that they did not see the slavering, lust ridden expressions on these Nerds’ faces, nor did they realise the awful effect they were having on the nether regions of these upright citizens. Imagine my surprise (as the saying goes) when all of a flash Froggy and Lafayette suddenly found themselves in Lewes as though time had accelerated and they had both been in Moslem heaven.
Anyway, enough of this porn. L. and F. met the others outside the station all except Bronco who was not answering his phone and seemed to be incommunicado. Finally he turned up wearing immaculate suede boots, a smart jacket and sporting a stylish umbrella to qualify for Best Dressed Nerd of the Year award. B.T. , our newly promoted Nerds photographer, had a field day recording this piece of sartorial elegance - especially the umbrella. Bronco said he didn’t want to get his suede boots wet and we all told him not to be such a fairy otherwise we’d go over to his house and confiscate his horse and eat him (the horse).
Sandyballs mooted a mini ramble around the ruined priory but luckily it started to rain at that instant so we had to turn about and head for the nearest drinking hole. This turned out to be the King’s Head which did not seem to be very open -even at gone half past eleven in the morning. There was a postman outside with what looked like a parcel to deliver, so we hung about thinking to dash inside once the door was opened , however, sadly, the postie decided he’d got the wrong address and moved on.
Fortunately The Swan at Southover was open so we all piled into the well proportioned games room and got stuck into throwing darts at each other.
The more we drank, the better we played. Lafayette and B.T. (The Real Ports) against Froggy and Sandyballs (The Dinky Ports). The results see-sawed back and forth with The Real Ports winning most of the games where some mental agility was called for (like adding up a score and taking it away from what you got last time), and The Dinky Ports who managed one good shot to win at cricket. Meanwhile Bronco was in dispute with the very helpful barman over the lack of black rats in his cider, but the barman said they didn’t make the cider out of black rats any more because folks were getting peed off with the results.
Since The Swan had a suspect kitchen (too many rats) we decided to proceed to The Brewers for lunch where Sandyballs had family connections. This became
very obvious when the landlady, Cathy, upon seeing Sandyballs come crashing over the doorstep, went and brought out her love-child, Elena, held her up in his face and said “You’re late with this month’s maintenance again !” Sandyballs told her to chalk it up on his account once again since he had the promise of a lucrative short posting to Brussels due to the sad demise of the previous incumbent and where you got free red wine and were paid in euros.
We had an excellent lunch in the Brewers - Froggy was so taken with the food that he even had a second meal while he pondered the compelling question of
“ What exactly is a Quasamite?” and where once again the Proper Ports trounced the Dinky Ports at darts. On the way out we saw Cathy’s Dad, Jasper, sat on the steps outside the back door. He collared Sandyballs and said “ You see moy daughter all roit and I ’ll put you forward for a position in the masons, but spurn ’er and I’ll put the word round an’ yorl never get another point uv Harveys in Lewes agin.” Sandyballs thought a rapid escape abroad again might be to his advantage.
But first it was decided to visit an old friend of Sandyballs in the Crown Hotel down the road. Yes, the Ugly Barmaid was still there, and even uglier if that was possible. Froggy thought he had found the answer to his compelling question at last - a Quasamite is whatever turns you on - until Lafayette gently reminded him of all the untapped nymphet crumpet that was due to come out of the Tertiary College in the next few hours.
And so we rolled down to the John Harvey where Bronco suddenly realised he’d left the whip back at the Crown. Oh no! The Ugly Barmaid was probably spending it on a costly face-lift to lure yet more innocent young men in to her exotic boudoir where she would fill them full of drink and do wicked, horrible things to them. Apart from wanting to rid themselves of this vile vision, the Nerds wanted another drink so Bronco and Froggy were despatched to rescue our money and to save the Lewes youth from certain perdition. Luckily the wip was still intact and the day was saved.
This had certainly been a “ramble” with a difference. Just the right amount of walking and we had renewed aquaintance with a number of interesting characters. Well, you can’t do a lot outdoors when it’s pissing down with rain, can you? Lets hope the weather is kinder for our second ramble at the end of September.
Los Nierdos para siempre!
Lafayette.
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