January (Wet and Windy) Ramble 14.1.2008

N.E.R.D.S. Ramble No. 218(a)

allegedly.
Monday 14th Jan. 2008.

Those Present – Lafayette, Matt, Froggy, Sandyballs, Bronco, B.T.

The Very Windy Day Ramble.


Guess what, it was a very windy day. Los Nierdos met up at Bishopstone station, one of those wind streaked places where nobody was around to greet them off the train (probably because of the wind). There they found Lafayette cowering behind a stanchion in the initial phases of hypothermia because of the wind. He had come on the cheapskate
(free) bus so that he wouldn’t have to pay any fare and, of course, to keep himself out of the wind.

This was to be, in effect, Sandyballs’ birthday ramble; but since it wasn’t actually his birthday till next week we had to call it something else - and change the number too (!)

Froggy was route-master, but the weather was against him ( it was a little windy after all )
So the route had to be modified and everyone made a beeline for the snack bar wagon opposite the wildlife wetlands on the other side of the main road. It’s always fun crossing a very busy main road en masse because our legs all get tangled together, we fall over and somebody usually gets killed. Today it was Bronco’s turn (again) but with a remarkable burst of speed he defied the grim reaper (yet again) and scampered to the snack bar. Must have been the smell of food that inspired him.

How many times had the NERDS traveled along the A259 towards Seaford and been totally unaware of the young vision of beauty who inhabited the Snack Bar Van. This siren could not have been more than 16 years of age and was called Maddison (after the Avenue). Her first reaction on seeing six rapacious middle aged men was to get on the phone to her Mom, not, she hastened to say, because she was frightened, but to come and give her a hand with the large amount of cholesterol type sandwiches which we had ordered. In the event, she coped very well, even parrying Matt’s rude enquiries about whether she had a steady boyfriend and whether she had regular sex, and “did she like it and please tell me what it’s like.” We reluctantly tore ourselves away from this vision of jailbait heaven and headed for Foxhole farm where Bronco had told us that the more erotic pleasures of an equine nature were to be found.
Now some people visit houses of ill repute where they collect stamps, or whatever, some keep mistresses in luxury flats where they can go to whisper sweet nothings into their orifice(s), but Bronco, it can now be revealed, has a boy horse hidden away in the Sussex country side who he slyly visits on the days that his wife is out knitting socks for the Women’s’ Institute. Heh, heh, how about that then?

Bronco decided, as we were his good friends, to share his guilty secret with us, and took us to meet Crunchy, the Sussex Stallion. Wow wot a horse! and so big in parts. Some of us could immediately see the attraction of a large throbbing piece of horseflesh but Lafayette, cynic that he was, and knowing Bronco’s carnivorous tendencies, vaguely wondered if he was actually breeding him more for the table than the boudoir. However Bronco assured us that he and Crunchy were just good friends and he was only feeding him peppermints because Crunchy liked them and not to improve his taste (when he got him on a plate – oops!)

We struggled on with the ramble. Did I mention that it was windy? Well it still was and almost as bad as that day on the Chartres when Lafayette…………but I don’t have to remind you of that do I, dear readers? Froggy led us up a hill, into the teeth of a screaming gale and down into Bishopstone, thence round the coast road where Sandyballs kept getting his silly hat blown off, and into the Beachcomber where the beer was OK and where we bumped into Tina (baby lambs) Sheridan seeking refuge from her husband who had been insisting that she should wipe his steering wheel for the fifth time that morning. (Dirty bastard!)

Eventually lunch was taken at The Old Plough where The Old Trouts had already settled in for their lunchtime tasses de café, and where the NERDS all ploughed into vast quantities of steak, chips, beer, cognacs, ice creams and wounded strops, not to mention defensive petulance’s (skate over, skate over) However peace was finally restored, one of us robbed The Halifax of yet more money and we spent a pleasant afternoon in The Old Boot on comfy sofas in front of the fire chatting, drinking, mutually admiring each other and quarrelling about the preposterous amount of money a round cost in Seaford. Happy Days!

So, thanks go to Froggy for providing a route again despite being the victim of bad weather, and for providing a present for some poor, needy geriatric; thanks go to Matt for getting a free bus pass form for the same geriatric – see photo; thanks go to Crunchy for eating our peppermints and thanks to the rest of the NERDS for all being so wonderful. Crunchy is our new mascot now, by the way, because he’s bigger than Rusty and because we like Bronco’s tales about what they get up to together in the hay.

Hasta la proxima, Los Nierdos-


Lafayette.
[Ed: - this appears to be a somewhat edited account and seems to miss out all the interesting bits.]

JANUARY 2008 RAMBLE

The first "ramble" of 2008 is on Monday 14th January. Hopefully we'll have the 'write-up' and photographs on site by the 15th.