March 2012 Spring Ramble

NERDS’ Ramble No 268 - Wed 21/3/12.

Those Present - Froggy, Sandyballs, Matt, Dio, Lafayette.

Spring Ramble.


Lafayette had forgotten the most important thing that happened at the end of the last ramble. He had got knighted!!!!. As could be seen from the fantastic photographs taken in the posh house, Matt had made him Sir Lafayette. So, as well as owning a bit of a Scottish fishing bank, (thanks to Shirley Wirley) as well as being a fantastic naval hero, as well as being a founder member of the NERDS, or perhaps because of all this Lafayette had been greatly honoured…. That’s all….. on to the next ramble.

It was a fantastic, warm, spring day. The sun was out and as we were to see, the lambs were springing in the fields. The NERDS were a bit short again (in numbers) Froggy had got up from his convalescent bed (bravely), Paco obviously hadn’t got up from his bed, so wasn’t with us; Dio decided he needed to know a bit more about British eccentrics so had come along too.

The NERDS started off from Lewes station and ambled up Southover High Street. Sandyballs told us that he had been picked as an Olympic Torchbearer to represent Border Force United during the Games so had had to go up to Gatwick for an induction meeting. He was taught how to swipe the Olympic torch correctly and how to ask passengers daft questions like “ Have you come to bomb the UK during your visit?” etc.
Apparently there was a syndicate at Gatwick you could join to borrow the office knife if you wanted to cut your wrists ( That’s if you were a full time border lackey thingy), all the CIOs were 9 year old girlies from primary school and most of them were Nigerian. Nice to know things are improving up there!

Any road up, The NERDS turned left and came to a red traffic light in the middle of nowhere which said “Stop if Light is Red.”
So we dutifully stopped and hung about a bit and then Froggy decided to take a group photo. By the time this had been organised (sigh) and taken, the traffic light had gone red again so we had to hang around being bored for another ten minutes or so until allowed to proceed.

Finally we hit the fields where Dio took lots of photos of frolicking lambs with his camera phone, and where the rest of us got a bit bogged down in the boggitude of the fieldy bogs. Finally we got to The Juggs at Kingston, a consistently over-rated pub, but which happened to be the only one in the area.
We sat in the garden cos it was sunny and Froggy made his first venture into drinking alcohol since his cardiac lockdown. We all had to prepare for this. Would he suddenly drop dead foaming at the mouth? Would he go suddenly mad and start to babble rubbish or would he just act normal? Fortunately, the exercise seemed to bring a little colour to his cheeks and he insisted on getting his agent (Matt) to show us his operation scar (yawn). Matt felt it incumbent on him to get up and change tables whenever the sun got too hot ( too cold, too shiny, or too sunny) so we were constantly spilling pints and getting grumpy.

After a while we began to be amazed at the vast numbers of Old Trouts that a sunny day and a nice garden had dragged out to the pub. There were thousands of them all blethering and faffing indecisively round the bar and getting in the NERDS’ way, as usual. Eventually we were disillusioned by the crap service (too many Trouts and not enough barmaids) and moved on over the hills back towards Lewes.

On the way we met a nice white horse who came over to enquire if we’d got anything interesting to eat. We hadn’t, we but talked to it a bit and cuddled it a bit and told it our life stories and even took its picture to make it famous. It told us it was a prisoner and lived in a nearby windmill with a witch who hated Lewes council and it was trying to grow its hair so that someone would rescue it from its lofty tower. Since it was walking around fairly freely in some field or other we knew it was lying and hurried on before it could bewitch us.

And so The NERDS went over the sunny fields back into Lewes over suicide viaduct and into the Swan at Kingston. Now this is a nice pub with no Old Trouts, in fact at about half past three there was nobody else there except us. So we sat in the garden ( after having changed tables a couple of times at Matt’s request) and listened to how Froggy watches “Vintage Erotica” on some porny channel he’s got at home. Apparently if you google “Favourites” and “Froggy” together you get views of all his childhood TV heroines showing their tits off - before they all got famous on Blue (snigger) Peter.

Another quick trip to the Kings Head along the road signalled the end of this ramble and gave us concern for Sandyballs who said he himself was going to have an operation that week to have his face off, remodelled and put back on again. He’d been getting into debt recently what with weddings and such like and he owed a lot of money to some nasty people. He was therefore going down the route of drastic plastic surgery and would be disappearing for a while. He would be back, however for the next ramble when we hoped to be joined by B.T. fresh over from France.

Plus ca change plus ce sont les memes NERDS.

Lafayette.

March Ramble Joining Instructions

Dear Dwindling Band of Nerds,
 
This month we meet on Wednesday 21st. The meeting place will be Lewes station, once again. So, it is the good old 09.58/ 10.10 from Seaford/ Newhaven Town. From there we will probably make for the Juggs in Kingston - unless I have a better idea.
 
In his email, Lafayette mentioned setting the date for April. However I thought we already had arranged this for Wednesday 25th? Anyway we can discuss this and talk some more about the projected excursion to the New Forest in May.
 
See you
 
SB

March 2010 Ramble advance notice

Dear NERDS,

Hope you have all recovered from the long and gruelling ramble last month. Next ramble is next week! Wednesday 21st March so make sure you are all available that day.

Bring your diaries with you as we shall need to set a date for April when it is to be hoped we can Include B.T. who is rumoured to be visiting the UK with his good friend Lord Lucan - all very hush , hush , of course. (What a Mystery Guest coup that would be!).

Anyway, Sandyballs is currently being "trained" how to be an IO up at Status, then he is being "mentored" to make sure he doesn't run amok and kill someone with his landing stamp at the Olympics.

All for now - see you all next week - and bring diaries.

Lafayette.

P.S. no ramble route set yet; S.B. is giving this due consideration.