Janiary 2010s First Ramble - at last

N.E.R.D.S’ Ramble No 242 - 28/01/10.

The Ramble that Paco forgot.

Those Present - El Paco (Yes, really), Lafayette, Sandyballs, Froggy, Matt,
& Captain Haddock.


This was a rearranged ramble because of snow earlier in the month. The evening before, Lafayette thought it might be a good idea to ring up Paco to make sure he knew what his Nerding responsibilities were. However before he could get a word out Paco launched into an apologetic tirade about how sorry he was to have missed last week’s ramble cos he’d felt a bit poorly and how he promised faithfully to attend the next one - Grovel, grovel. Lafayette observed drily that actually he would have his chance the next day because obviously he’d got his dates muddled up (again).

Anyway, the next day Lafayette was waiting for a train at Newhaven station, amusing himself by reading Racine or something, when all of a sudden he was jerked out of his intellectual revery by the arrival of a scruffy looking individual hiding behind a blondish/greyish beard who looked vaguely familiar. Lafayette’s heart skipped a beat, his copy of French classical literature slid to the floor, “ Aaah,no, the bastard hasn’t come back to haunt me.” he thought, but on taking a closer look it turned out to be The Admiral who was obviously spending his retirement growing facial hair in a vain attempt to resemble his dead Belgian hero .

The Admiral and Lafayette boarded the 10. 35 to meet most of the rest of the NERDS
and travelled to Lewes to be picked up by Herr Generalissimo Routemeister, Sandyballs. The latter took one look at the Admiral, screamed loudly and said “God , you look just like Captain Haddock.” - and so the name stuck.

The NERDS trailed through Lewes, trying to look middle class and respectable (all except Sandyballs who liked to think of himself as being working class even though he did actually live there), and fetched up in ‘ Le Magasin’, a pretentious coffee house in Cliffe High Street. Over lattes and coffee mochas (see, I told you it was pretentious) Froggy told some dubious tale of how Bob at the Engineer used to leer at him and stroke his ‘Mr. Woody’ whenever Froggy walked into the pub. Matt rather liked this idea and resolved to go to see Bob more frequently.

To everyone’s dismay it was found that nobody had brought the whip with them. Everybody vaguely remembered that Lafayette had confiscated it from Froggy at the Christmas ramble when the latter had left the purse in the pub, but Lafayette couldn’t for the life of him remember where he had put it back at home. He fervently hoped he had put it in one of his fabulous Mughal copper pots - the one he usually kept his yellow embark cards in. And so El Paco paid for this round and claimed the money back later.


Finally we got to rambling.The route wended past Tesco’s, along the banks of
The Mighty Ouse in the direction of Hamsey. Underfoot it was muddy, very muddy and Routemeister covered his back against any compensation claims by alleging he had spelt out all the potential hazards in his joining instructions. Nobody took any notice of that but all secretly hoped Sandyballs would be the one to slip off the bank into the river.

Matt said provocatively that his other group never cancelled because of the weather, and Lafayette said that was because they were a lazy bunch of C***S who never actually went outside a pub (and who were aptly named after their stupid trousers.) The mud continued, we slipped and slid and eventually headed for the church at Hamsey where Sandyballs said he wanted to show us something spooky in the churchyard.

Just at this point we met up with a couple of ladies who also liked to get up to nefarious activities in dodgy graveyards. We didn’t get their names (Philby would have certainly done so) but Sandy balls dragged everyone over to some old, mouldering headstone which related how about four members of the same family managed to die in the same year. Either their dad was a serial killer who got fed up with his daughters coming to him for yet more money, lifts, jewellery etc or else they’d all died of starvation unaware that there was a branch of Waitrose not far off.
The ladies were both very impressed with Sandyballs’ conspiracy theories and headed off back to their car.

Some time after, just as the NERDS were heading in the direction of Oafham (sic) and thinking of foaming pints, Lafayette , Paco and Matt stumbled across the two ladies again. The attractive blonde one spontaneously began to tell Lafayette her whole life story - must have thought he had a sympathetic face - that she was a widow, had to look after two teenage boys and somebody’s grandpa, that she didn’t get out much and did he have lady members in his rambling group? Lafayette said that regretfully women only came rarely on NERDS’ rambles and then only in exceptional circumstances. (Like if they were shaggable like her ). Just then the others dragged Lafayette away before lust really took over and Sandyballs accused him of outrageous
pussymongering.“ Nonsense,” said Lafayette, “ Attractive widows need to be encouraged; you never know when you might need one.”

Anyway, on, on to the Chalk Pit Pub where the food and drink was found to be good and where the barmaid explained to us the intricacies of the Lewes Open Toad Playing Championships (yawn). Every body had a go but just succeeded in making an unholy racket in the pub and disturbing all the other diners. We missed Bronco and his large appetite here and wondered what he was getting up to. Plans were hatched for a trip to the New Forest although Matt said he didn’t want to come because he was having an exclusive 70th birthday party for people like Mike Clarke , and of course,the C***S.

Then things began to get a bit vague after most of the NERDS went off home leaving Sandyballs and Lafayette to drink rum and coke and poke the fire in the Lewes Arms.
It had been an eventful ramble and we hoped that Bronco and B.T. could join us in the near future.
So keep on NERDING and death to all other spurious groups. Lafayette.

Rearranged Ramble for January 2010

For the first time in history we were forced to abandon a Ramble because of weather this month. However, nil desperandum, the event has been rearranged to Thursday 28th. same route, same time - so the 10.25 from Seaford,etc. Let us see what the Almighty decides to send us for weather - Religious Advisor to do the needful, please.

We may as well think about the February Ramble. How about Wednesday 24th, for example. Anyone got problems with that?

See you all at Lewes station on 28/1.

Sandyballs

January Ramble posponed

Thw first ramble of the year was cancelled due to inclement weather and Sandyballs's toe. We await with baited breath when it will be reconvened at a date suitable. Is the year 2010 the year Sandyballs's direct catholic line to the creator is terminated or will the weather just improve!

1st Ramble of 2010

First puting for 2010 is on 6.1.2010 and commences from Lewes Station. Read your joing instructions for the full information. Have a super time 'you all' and hopefully you will not get snowed in until after you reach the pub.