NERDS' Ramble No. 311. 28th Oct. 2015.
Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt, Paco, Curly.
The Soft Icecream Ramble.
Sandyballs made the NERDS meet in the middle of the country this month
– at Southease where a covert exchange of dvds was made
between S.B. and Lafayette. The original tape of Laf's retirement do had been discovered down the back of the sofa in S.B's sitting room and had been put on disk for all the world to see. However Laf's daughter had also discovered an ancient tape of a ramble and Nerdlings' picnic which she wanted to convert so that she could remember that jolly day when B. T. had got his face smashed in while carrying Baby Nerd Katherine on his shoulders.
Watch this space for further developments.....
And so we started walking over the bridge over the Mighty Ouse
at Southease. Matt noticed some butch looking labourers digging holes there and proposed he join them since he said he too looked good stripped to the waist and glistening with sweat. His offer was politely declined as they decided his bum cleavage was not up to scratch. It's a tough world in construction.
Next we noticed an awful lot of ancient couples driving along the road to Southease looking for parking spaces. Lafayette thought it must be the local dogging society who met there every Wednesday. He had always wanted to go there himself but wasn't allowed by his wife because he hadn't got a dog. Shucks. Sandyballs noticed that Paco was improperly dressed either for dogging or for anything else since he had obviously walked out of the house in his shoes and had forgotten to put his boots on. Oh no, This meant we couldn't go over the fields and far away as originally planned, but would have to take the tarmac route through Telscombe instead. Dimshit pillock!
So we walked up the big hill
where we did manage to get a magnificent view down over the fields towards the sea
and where pheasants were frolicking in the hedgerows just waiting to be mown down by over-excited doggers in cars. We had just got outside Telscombe when Froggy suddenly claimed he needed to eat otherwise he would become hypo-allergenic or change into a werewolf or something. Luckily Lafayette had some energy bars stored in his rucksack and so prevented a situation where Froggy might have run amuck and eaten all the sheep in the next field.
Having arrived in the relative civilisation of the outskirts of Peacehaven, we passed a very generously endowed young lady who was very conscious of her assets and who was accompanied by a large brown dog to ward off any randy NERDS
. Continuing along the A 27 we finally made it to The Telscombe Tavern – the cheapest place to eat in all of East Sussex – probably. We had forgotten it was half term and so most of the tables were reserved for bloody kids and the like,
but we managed to get placed near the bar.
Anyway, the whip, that hallowed tradition of the NERDS found that only Sandyballs and Lafayette wanted to participate. The rest of the cissy NERDS just wanted to fly solo. Must be old age creeping up on them to make them mean and stop them drinking so much. The meal was amazingly inexpensive – you paid for a ticket costing £ 4. 38 at the bar and then got served a choice of roasts with unlimited vegetables and chips. Sandyballs was in chip heaven but even more was to come.
Just behind our table was a large ice cream machine so you paid for another ticket and then served yourself to unlimited, yes unlimited, helpings of ice cream which coiled down out of the machine like white dog shit but which tasted surprisingly good.
Such was the attraction of this gadget and its content that Lafayette had two helpings and Sandyballs and Froggy had three each. Nothing like a good healthy diet after a bracing ramble along a metalled road over the Downs!
Matt observed that we were bound to catch a cold after all this ice cream but said he was more trendy and caught his colds on-line these days since it saved him having to get up and go outdoors.
S.B. and Laf’. carried on drinking out of their whip although S. B. complained he hadn't got any fruit served with his Bacardi and coke like when he went on expensive holidays. What does he expect? This was Peacehaven not Cannes!
Finally we got up to leave. Paco had worn out his feet so decided to go back by bus while the rest of us, unusually, and since it was a pleasant sunny day, thought we would walk back over the cliffs and have a sea view.
It was unseasonably warm and so we passed by the meridian monument and up and down the cliff path until we got to the Coastwatch
lookout where the denizens were probably all drinking wine and talking to girlies as Lafayette had taught them to do.
Thereafter it was a quick couple of pints in the Ark where Lafayette came across Daughter No.2 and Nerdling surreptitiously spending her pocket money on illicit booze and in the company of Lafayette's cleaning girl who should have been at his house dusting off his precious air rifles at that time.
And so it was the end of another ramble. We might have seen more of the country if Paco had been properly shod but the route had been interesting and picturesque anyway
, - and we had all eaten a lot of icecream. Next month is up to Stanmer House, and Christmas is due to take place at The Cricketers so go out and make sure you've all got boots on next time or Father Christmas won't come and see you when it matters.
Lafayette.
