16th December 1998

Ramble No 117 16th December 1998

Nerds - Don Paco, Philby, Froggy, BT, Admiral, Bishbogs, Sandyballs, Lafayette, Mystery Guest.

The Umpteenth Christmas Ramble – Nice Day, Shame About The Mud



Lafayette had recently been on a Gatwick ramble and encountered girlies who got drunk and liked snogging. He tried to sell this exciting new concept to the Nerds but the old reactionary desire for male bonding continued to remain popular and his suggestion was treated with derision.

So things stayed the same. At Newhaven the Bish harangued a BR rep. about the dinginess of the station and demanded an improvement. The official pointed out that the station had recently been painted and ventured the opinion that the Bish must be colour blind not to have noticed.

First stop was Vic’s at Lewes station for a quick bacon sandwich, then on to Berwick. (Imagine being shut in a carriage with Philby wearing antlers; we were all so embarrassed).

From Berwick we trudged across endless muddy fields – lucky the weather was so utterly perfect. (Thank you Sandyballs). Lafayette nearly fell off a bridge into a stream jumping up and down, gibbering and trying to ask people what were their names and what was their favourite colour etc. Then we had a few drinks in The Cricketers and stewed dozily in front of their fire for a bit,

Down the tarmac we marched back to Berwick where, at the Berwick Arms, Christmas Dindins were laid on. Quite a good comprehensive spread was laid on, in fact. Much greed and drunkenness took place and the Nerds all tried to blow each other up with dodgy crackers.

Troy appeared as Mystery Guest – for the second time! Whatever happened to Claudia Schiffer was a woeful cry from Lafayette. “Unavailable” Sandyballs patiently explained. Too busy poncing around in a skimpy bra doing an advert for a fast car, so Troy would have to do instead.

Dear Troy, he’s slowing down like the rest of us but he had a good time. Sandyballs elected himself “Nerd of the Year” in a feat of unrivalled selfishness and then we trained back to Lewes.

This is always the point where things start to go a bit awry. Because instead of packing up and going home like sensible Nerds we all continued getting legless until atrocities are committed and reality fades away.

First stop was the Lewes Arms where we managed not to quarrel too much. Then to the Elephant and castle where we watched with bated breath a young girl both skilfully play pool and keep her knockers from falling out on the green baize. Froggy, Lafayette and Troy called it a day after witnessing this latter marvellous vision of giled youth straining to contain her exuberances, and went back home by train. Not the others however…..

Reports later reached Lafayette of B.T, Philby and Sandyballs carrying on to the Crown Hotel where they plied some raddled old tart with drink and with whom kissings and gropings were exchanged. Sandyballs, inadvisedly. Fell in love.

This cosy scenario was fortunately broken up by Barbara-Ann who strode into the bar, ground her stiletto heel into the raddled old tart’s toe and dragged S.B. out by the hair.

You should have all gone home earlier, you naughty Nerds, still, the dinner and Mystery Guest were a success, and thanks to Sandyballs for all his arrangements and secrecy.



The next two monthly outgoings won’t actually count as real rabmles as not much rambling took place as you will see……