May's Ramble 25th May 2016

NERDS' Ramble No. 318. 25th May 2016.


Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt, Curly, Bronco, Paco.

Guests – Imogen and some dog..

The Perro Bandido Negro Ramble.



The NERDS hadn't seen Bronco for a while. He had been hiding his light under a bushel in Ringmer so S.B. decided the next route should be over that way. We could check up on him, see how many new cars he'd smashed etc. and ask him how Crunchy had been keeping.

However Paco threw the NERDS into disarray at the last minute by requesting the presence of a couple of guests including A DOG

Now, the NERDS don't usually have much to do with dogs, we're more pussy lovers (see B.T. who has tons of them)

. There was a ramble many years ago when S.B.'s mate, Mike, was allowed to bring his Perro Sordo who was useless as far as listening out for burglars. Then there was Perro Ciego in Shropshire who was so afflicted he kept banging into the pub furniture while his sighted owner was trying to enjoy a pint. Not to mention Layby Perro Muerto, one of the local beauty spots in Seaford where Philby used to take his afternoon nap. So it was with some trepidation that we encountered Perro Bandido Negro, a large slavering but friendly brute, half rottweiler and half wolverine, who was dragging around Imogen, a DFL mate of Paco's daughter.

We arrived in Lewes

to pick up Sandyballs wherupon Bandido turfed some poor girl off the station bench and insisted on having a selfie with the NERDS

. This took quite a time as Froggy still hasn't worked out how to operate his camera and Bandido kept howling at him to hurry up.

We traversed Lewes and began the long trek up Heart-attack Hill towards the golf club. Our Routemaster inflicts this way on us at least once a year to gauge the general NERDS' fitness. It's a bit like the police having an annual assessment to weed out the obese and unfit officers who are no longer fit for duty. In the NERDS it's keep up or die. There are thousands more candidates who want to join the NERDS; applications are constantly flooding in. Our combined age is such that rather like in a herd of wildebeeste, the sick ones at the back can fall to all sorts of nasty predators, like Death, Destruction and Disease. So watch out Paco and make sure your stents are up to date.

Thankfully, half way up said hill Bandido wanted to stop for another photo session

, again prolonged because of the merciless technology of the Froggy camera. When we resumed, gasping up to the summit we were constantly harrassed by golfers in posh cars who were trying to decimate our numbers. (What did I say about predators?)

Eventually we found ourselves floating carefree over the Downs

with Bandido sniffing at every patch of Perro-wee that he encountered

. Curly kept us fortified with his welcome hip flask full of malt whisky and Froggy told us about the challenge he had taken up from the BBC which required him to read 100 books in 100 days. They had started him off gently on Janet and John Book 2

, and thereafter he was going to attempt Rupert Bear

and even Little Black Sambo

- if this one was still allowed.

We paused awhile for a little dissertation from Sandyballs about the Glyndebourne windmill

. This apparently swings around to show you which direction the wind is coming from as well as glows in the dark to light up your path when you're out cycling at 4 o'clock in the morning. Very useful. Lafayette wondered if it had any other useful functions such as providing electricity for those in Lewes who needed to constantly keep their mobile phones charged.

We descended into Ringmer. It was a pleasant sunny day and as we were a bit early we thought of knocking on Bronco's door and surprising him with a Perro-welcome. Sadly, nobody could remember where he lived other than that it was within walking distance of The Plough, to which we now repaired.

Bronco wasn't there because he probably hadn't even got up yet, so we made ourselves comfortable round a large table

where Bandido kept trying to eat the salt and pepper pots. Paco made some ill judged remark to the effect that the lunch “ was on him” which went down well with everybody, except he had been talking to Imogen. To negate this he had to remove himself “at the speed of light” to the bar to avoid all the hou-ha from his alleged new generosity.

Fortunately at this point Bronco rocked up with a glass of champagne in his hand – such style

, such panache! He was in good spirits as usual although he was a bit disturbed when Bandido started chewing his feet. Bronco said he was really more of a cat person since Crunchy, his horse, had died, and we noticed that his jersey was covered in ginger hairs. “Pussy Hair,” he told us so we averted our gaze although Matt wanted to know which brand of Viagra he was on. Rude Person!

Imogen became NERDS photographer and took lots of snaps because she was technologically adept and Bandido

ate everyone's steak when he thought they weren't looking. Actually the food

and the drink

were of a high standard since The Plough has recently become a gastro pub. Costs a lot, though. Bronco revealed that he actually lunches a lot at “Famiglia” a restaurant in the centre of Lewes because it's cheaper. Sounds a good place to end a ramble, especially if it just starts at the station.

Finally we all said goodbye to Bronco with lots of hugs and kisses

and Bandido weed up his leg as a sign of love and respect. The NERDS all got the bus back to Lewes and carried on drinking – to ward off old age and predators. It had been a real ramble with hills and things

so we weren't really going soft. It's always pleasant to see Bronco, and Imogen and Bandido Negro had been an interesting couple

.

No ramble in June this time as everyone is on hols somewhere, so we now have two set for July. Watch out for announcements from the Routemaster.

Woof, woof.



Lafayette.

May's Ramble 2016

After last week's cancellation we are now due to walk on Wednesday 25th. Mind you in view of the rain last Wednesday it was a good thing that we did cancel. So our brothers in the rail union actually did us a favour. Hopefully the weather will be kinder this week and we finally get to lunch with Bronco.

Down to details. It is hard to be precise on timing but I think we should aim to meet Bronco between 12.30 and 1PM at The Anchor. I will probably book a table as the place can get busy. So, the usual 09.55 from Seaford and I will meet you all outside Lewes station at about 10.15hrs. Best wear proper walking boots ( if you have them) as the going may be a little soft.

Hope there are not too many cardiac arrests going up Chapel Hill!

Sandyballs

May's Messages !

Hi everybody!

2 months today to my bus pass!

F-F Frog

Seeeeeeeeeeguuuuuulllllls!

Wow! Matt xxxx what's the plan.....

Nerdies

I may have misheard this on this morning's news and I have no way of backing it up as I didn't listen again, but I thought I heard someone, talking about the rail strikes, mentioned the 18th June?

I hope that I have got this totally wrong and that there is no strike on this day......otherwise poor Malcolm will miss out yet again?

F-F Frog

Seeeeeguuuullllls!

Hi y'all,

Just back from Sicily and raring to ramble! However, thanks to eagle-eyed Froggy, it seems that the f.......g b...........s rail workers are due to go on strike AGAIN on the 18th. Well recognizing the democratic right of workers to withdraw their labour in the aid of ameliorating their terms and conditions - it is still bloody annoying.

I now propose that we switch to the following Wednesday, 25th. I think Matt cannot make either 18th or 25th. Any problems for anyone?

Don't worry ,Bronco, we will have that lunch with you soon!

Sandy

April's Ramble 2016

NERDS' Ramble No. 317 – 27th April 2016.

Those Present – Lafayette, Froggy, Curly, Paco, Matt, The Bish.

Those not Present – Sandyballs.

The Emergency Ramble.



Sandyballs had been faced with a crisis. He had intended to take everyone over to Ringmer to meet Bronco – to say hello, and to try out lunch in The Plough – but a timing malfunction had occurred. Although Sandyballs was never, ever going back to work at Gatwick (because he felt exploited; because he was older than everyone else; because the CIOs were all seventeen year old girlies who paid him no respect; because it meant sitting on the desk for about 8 hours etc. etc.) so, despite all this shit, SB felt obliged to attend a well paid re-training programme on the day of the ramble just in case anybody came crawling on their knees to him begging for his return. Nuff said........

And so Brave Lafayette had stepped into the breach to cover up for SB's sins. You see, normally Laf. would have been to see his dear, old, demented 115 year old grandmother

who he visited every day in her nursing home, to hold her hand and to make her a cup of tea. However because of Sandyballs' excessive love of money Laf had had to give up his pious good work to get out the rambling maps and to work out a new route, not to mention having to organise lunch somewhere at short notice.

Nevertheless a good number of NERDS rolled up at Lavender Lodge

on the due day, and Curly had even been thoughtful enough to provide a bottle of Cava to get everyone into the mood for er....

more drinking. Mrs Lafayette came and took photos of everyone while Matt regaled us with a tale of how he had once been held up at Sorrento airport where terrorists had spent hours torturing him by forcing him to eat all the McFlurry icecreams on the plane.

Eventually the ramble got under way. The NERDS went from chez Lafayette down towards Denton island,

and then through the little known, but interesting wild part of North Newhaven where the flora and fauna were different and where the fat, tattooed baby elephants pushing prams

, the usual inhabitants of the town, were not to be seen.

A little further on we passed close by Piddinghoe Sailing Club where Matt made a friend with a man who was titting about with his boat, and asked him to sail away with him to America. The man sensibly declined. We walked along the bank of The Mighty Ouse where the day was sunny but with a cold wind. We admired the retro, post renaissance, gothic architecture of The Incinerator which Lewes District Council was trying to turn into a listed building to attract that summer's influx of tourists away from the fleshpots of Brighton. Further along was the famous Newhaven Marina where all the local oligarchs moored their yachts, and yes, there in pride of place was the Admiral's huge, fabulous catamaran

which was rivalled only by the luxury vessel owned by B.T. in the South of France. Truly Newhaven was the jewel in the crown of the south coast of England where the rich gathered to see and be seen and to flaunt their conspicuous consumption!

But back to the poor NERDS. A quick pit stop was arranged at the Jolly Boatman

where Lafayette had spent many a happy hour before he had moved to Lavender Lodge over at the posh part of the town. As I may have mentioned previously the Jolly Boatman is a pleasant, spit and sawdust, roll-your-own type of pub

which serves a good pint. When we were comfortably ensconced in its circle of armchairs the conversation turned to food.

The Bish told us how he had always thought that Morrisson's sausages were a little bland in flavour until the previous week when they had suddenly got better. Matt mentioned that he had heard that Magnus Gilroy while working on the deli counter at Morrissons had inadvertantly chopped off one of his fingers and maybe that had something to do with the increase in quality.

Feeling hungry now, the NERDS headed out of the pub to make for the Flying Fish at Denton where lunch was to take place. The sky clouded over and it began to rain.

We were still half a mile from The Fish and Paco discovered he had no coat and was going to get wet, but fortunately we arrived before any great damage was done.

Recognising that the NERDS were special, the pub had reserved us a pleasant table in the corner so we could be apart from the local hoi poloi and so that we could conduct our exciting and dicreet conversations in privacy.

As it happened the pub's consideration of our special status was all for nought as we were the only customers that day. Froggy was late in joining the table and got into a strop because all the white chairs had been taken and so a mini game of musical chairs took place until he was satisfactorily seated.

The food was OK but took a long time in coming largely it seemed because one youth was running the bar and the kitchen at the same time.

Wednesdays must be a bit slow in Denton.

Finally the ramble broke up with Matt going to Sainsburys for his weekly shop – because it was classier than Morrissons, and The Bish going to Morrissons to get some more sausages. A suggestion that The NERDS carried on drinking at The Engineer was vetoed because nobody used the whip anymore and Bob was only accepting bitcoins these days because he'd gone over to doing business on the Dark Web.

So, that was the April ramble. Thanks to Curly for his generous gift of a bottle of cava to start it all off, and to Lafayette for taking over the reins of responsibility at short notice. We wish Sandyballs well in his attempt never to return to Gatwick to make even more money from a dying institution, and if all goes to plan we shall see Bronco next month – Inch' a' Allah.



Bye bye.


Lafayette.