August's Ramble

NERDS’ Ramble No 273 - 16th Aug 2012 Those Present - Froggy, Sandyballs, Lafayette, Muscles Matt and Dumpy Dwyer. Beachy Head Ramble. Today we were graced with the presence of My Mate (Lafayette’s mate) Dumpy Dwyer. Since the Foreign Office had dispensed with his services some time ago he had joined the Ecuadorian Embassy as an advisor on how to make money out of the continued presence of Julian Assange there. Dumpy’s idea was to grant Ecuadorian citizenship to Assange, marry him off to the President’s daughter, thereby giving him diplomatic status, and then charge tourists lots of money to go to Ecuador to ogle at the latest national hero/dictator elect. (All for a cut of the profits, and the franchise for renting out rooms in the Ec. Embassy, of course). Apart from our exotic guest we had the usual bunch of trouble makers sans Paco who was preparing to go on holiday to Italy, and was practising not getting out of bed until the afternoon. Froggy had kindly said he would host the aperitifs so we all met up round the back of his garden shed to discuss his plan of action (lol). The weather was warm and balmy, as were the NERDS, and we were on the point of finishing Froggy’s Irish whiskey when up rolled a somewhat jaded Sandyballs. The previous evening shift at Gatwick had not ended until late, and sadly Sandy balls had been dragged down the airside bar by hordes of bored girlie I.O.s who had been fascinated by his old age and wealth of experience. “ So how come you’re not retired since you’re so old?” one of them asked “ We’ve got to go on till we’re 87 and you must be at least as old as that.” said another. “ Hey is Ecuador in the E.U. or is it in Africa? “ asked a third. “ My mom says you lot used to get pissed going across the Channel three times a week. What was all that about? Did you ever shag any French birds? Do you want to shag me? Can you really still get it up at your age?” The questions went on and on and on until Sandyballs managed to escape and grab a couple of hours sleep before blearily getting into Froggy’s garden and demanding whiskey. But to the ramble - which naturally began with a trip to the bus stop near Froggy’s. Matt nearly got picked up by some bit of skirt who wanted to take his photo and touch his body, but fortunately the 13X bus came along and he managed to shake her off. It looked as if all the Old Trouts in the whole world were on this bus going to Eastbourne so we lumbered through picturesque Sussex villages until Froggy thought we would get off at Birling Gap. We popped inside the Birling Gap Hotel to get a beer and sit outside. It was warm and sunny, the Harveys was slipping down well; we had another pint; all seemed well with the world. Wonder what’s for lunch. Suddenly Froggy got all masterful and gave us 16 different options for violent action. “Fuck off, Froggy”. Still, wonder what’s for lunch. But the jaded Sandyballs pricked our consciences. “ Must ramble,” he slurred. So reluctantly, and leaving the sunny pub table behind, we walked up the truly daunting hill for about a hundred metres[that’s 330feet in old measurements] then gasped to a stop so that Froggy could take a photo. Just then a Japanese couple came along and said “ Dantay Desco? Ichi Nichi?” which means “ One with you in it?” so we acquiesced and Matt took a photo of them taking a photo of us and everyone smiled and was happy. The ramble, when it got going ,was over Beachy Head (landside, of course) where more Old Gits took photos of us (NERDS are famous, you know!) then up down, up down to The Beachy Head Pub where we settled down in the sun and wondered what was for lunch. While waiting for the appropriate table, Matt spun us fairy stories about what the cords did when they got together. This seemed to consist of boring each other to death, or else making out that they had won the Falklands war by sinking The Belgrano ( You know who I mean). Sandyballs reckoned he’d rather be at Gatwick in the company of admiring young girlies, and Matt said he was obviously a lost cord who needed taking in hand. We ordered another waitress because ours was going to “Uni” and was frightfully posh. The food was good, the drink was good. Wonder what’s for tea. Maybe an icecream, let’s go over to the van and see where the foreign icecream girlie comes from (Lithuania. I kid you not; they’ll take anyone these days as long as they hate the Russians and can sell icecream.) We went up and down, and up and down lots of times and saw someone with an ‘arse’ the size of Wales ( - Froggy’s joke.) and then downwards to the Pilot pub which had had a refurb and served us coffee cognacs in the back yard. Still wonder what’s for tea. On , on we went. One of Froggy’s “I’m not quite sure where we are but if we wander around for hours I’m sure we’ll get to somewhere” rambles. Eventually, somewhere round the posh part of Eastbourne ( all retirement homes and white people) we came to a bus stop where Sandyballs was adamant the number 12 bus went back to wherever home was. Everyone else knew this was not the case as the stop failed to mention number 12 or any other bus except some totally inappropriate tourist bus that only Matt wanted to get on to go upstairs and feel the wind rushing through his hair. A quarrel ensued ( not unusual after lunch ) Lafayette and Dumpy ignored all this shit and carried on walking into the centre of Eastbourne. Smart move. Wonder what’s for tea. Finally NERDS get a bus back homewards and fall asleep on the top deck. Well, at least Sandyballs did, worn out with all the quarrelling and the sexual tension at Gatwick, ‘sans doute’. Afterwards tea seemed to be destined for Gino’s so God knows what happened after that as the NERDS all split up and diasporised cursing each other. Another good ramble then. Thanks to Froggy for the Irish whiskey and the Up and Down, up and down; and thanks again to Froggy for the fantastic photos. We hope Dumpy’s fair skin didn’t suffer too much from the hot sun, and that Sandyballs manages to get some sleep in his arduous quest to show he’s always the first one out on to the control at Gatwick. Next month is Rye. Bring a lot of money and be prepared for lots of quarrels. See you there. Lafayette.

August joining suggestions by Froggy

Lovely Nerds!   As our glorious route master is currently up to the knot on his clip-on tie with olympic-proportioned shenanigans at Gatwick, I thought that I'd offer him some respite from the additional rigours of planning a ramble and offer you Nerds hospitality chez moi, followed by a crunch and munch (actually "quaff and scoff") somewhere near Seaford.   If all willing and /or able participants could make it to Sandore Road between, say 09:30 and 09:45, this should allow enough time for generous refreshments prior to catching a bus from Newlands Corner (don't forget your passes, [aged parents]) towards Eastbourne. Whether it will be a tried-and-tested route or something new or a combination of both remains to be seen, but I'm working on it during the lashings of downtime that is wonderfully synonymous with Newhaven but, alas where such lack of staff commands one into seeing foot pax, lorry drivers and car pax all together in one movement - ah! If only I were at Gatwick....? (heaven forfend!!)   For those of us going to Rye, here is what would be the train stuff:- Off peak return from Seaford/Newhaven £24.00 and from Lewes £21.00. Probably the 09:58/10:05 from Seaford/Newhaven and the 10:44 from Lewes, allowing a full ½ hour in Vic's. The price has taken me somewhat aback, so maybe it will have to be a car after all, but baggsy I don't have to drive?   Finally, I hope that you will all join me in wishing dear old Malcy Baby a very happy 64th on Friday and since Crunchie is back where he belongs, I can feel another repeat local ramble coming soon with lunch at the Flying Fish (though Madison's lot (see previous ramble scribblings) have sold up the burger van near to the stables) and a meet up with the Birthday Boy?   See yous next week   Frog One