February Ramble

NERDS’ Ramble No 267 Feb. 27th 2012.

Those Present: Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt, The Admiral.

The Posh House Ramble.

Today the NERDS were going on campus. While hanging around Falmer railway station leering at young nubile students (as you do), Sandyballs and Lafayette had come across a posh watering hole which they thought they might visit with their little friends.

It was a dull day in February, the NERDS all met up outside the University of Sussex at Falmer. No sign of El Paco, no sign of Bronco either despite Sandyballs’ message saying this wasn’t to be a difficult ramble in view of the NERDS’ various disabilities. In fact it had been recce-ed the week before by S and L to ensure it was flat enough and short enough so that nobody would suffer toothache, diarrhoea, depression or even a heart attack by coming along.

Froggy had bravely come out from his purdah of convalescence to run, jump and skip across the flat university precincts which led up to Stanmer House where we were headed. As the NERDS headed through the tunnel into the campus Lafayette (who had been expensively educated by his doting parents nearly half a century previously) remarked that the students didn’t seem to have changed much in all that time. The girlies were still wearing skirts up to their backsides (in a very fetching way) with the usual array of feather boas and high heels, and the guys were still trying to grow beards and look intelligent. Poor young things. Just wait till you have to try to get a job!

The NERDS wandered up the road towards the big house. It had obviously been the property in days of yore of some filthy rich beer baron - such as Lord Harvey of Lewes - who had owned vast tracks of land and had exploited the under privileged local peasants ( a bit like Lafayette’s Dad). We paused to admire the Donkey Wheel where poor little donkeys had had to work 30 hours a day plodding round and round to crush the hops that went into the beer that we all drink today. Doesn’t it make you feel ashamed to profit from all this torture and exploitation!

Anyway we went up past the petting farm. No, Froggy, not students, animals. Past the peasants cottages where they were allowed to crawl off to die at the end of their miserable lives, and round the church up to Stanmer House. This very stately home had been recently taken over by a go ahead restaurant chain who had retained the original ambiance of sophistication and managed to produce decent meals as well.

We were greeted at the door by a powdered flunky who, when we whispered “NERDS” in his ear rushed off to turf out Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to give us their table. He did look at Froggy a bit askance, however, and asked him to remove his boots. It must be said the place was rather posh. There were at least three dining rooms filled with Chippendale furniture, Old Master paintings adorned the walls and there was an open wood fire in each room.

An unctuous young Algerian came rushing up to supply our drinks and asked if he could satisfy our every desire. We politely declined even though Matt showed a bit of interest, and after a bit of faffing around with menus we were led away to be seated for lunch. The Admiral was very impressed when he heard that Angelina and Brad came here regularly to eat but had had to make way for the NERDS that day. Froggy was gloomy at having had to remove his footwear and related to us the sad story of his wicked wife who had nicked his pet mouse and kept it for her very own to spite him.

The meal was of the expected high standard and not too expensive either. Lafayette said it was like dining at his old Oxford College ( the one he had failed to get into) and the Admiral was even more impressed - ( he loves high class people, you see).

We whiled away the afternoon sprawled over various chaises longues in the drawing room while taking coffee from a silver pot. Various servants came and asked if they could gratify us but Lafayette waved them away with aristocratic disdain and they scuttled off to go back to their hop treading, or whatever they did on their afternoons off.

Finally, and sadly it was time to leave. The flunkey escorted us to the door and kissed Lafayette’s hand in wonder at the generous tip which was bestowed on him, while managing at the same time to surreptitiously kick Froggy’s boots out into the mud.

So back we walked down the drive marvelling at all this High Life that we had seen on our very doorstep and vowing to return some day. Back at the station we mingled with the soon- to -be unemployed young students and considered how wonderful it was to be so innocent and full of ideals and optimism. Lafayette had once been like that before he had fallen in with Bad Company (Guess what their names were) and his life had gone downhill. Still, he could always sell his silver spoon, I suppose.

Thanks to Sandyballs for discovering our eating place, and to Froggy for being so brave over the nasty rough terrain. More plans are afoot to make our annual trip to the New Forest to see the ponies again. Just don’t tell Lafayette’s daughter otherwise she’ll want him to bring her one back.

Lafayette.

Further joining instructions for 27th

This month's expedition takes place on Monday 27th. Selflessly, myself and Lafayette have just done the recce - and we are not charging you a penny for this! The route is SHORT and FLAT and takes no more than 30-40 minutes and is thus ideal for those NERDS who are in recovery mode. Malcolm, are you interested? There is even an option to do this totally on tarmac, thus avoiding the need to remove muddy boots at our up-market lunch location. Something a little more strenuous for March perhaps.
 
Talking of which, bring your diaries so we can sort out future dates and perhaps talk about a New Forest trip. To repeat, it is the 10.25 train from Seaford Central and you should be clutching a return ticket to Falmer.
 
See y'all.
 
Sandy

February 2012 Joining Instructions

Dear Nerds,

It seems like a long time since the last ramble. This month we go on Monday 27th. Basically we are walking in Stanmer Park and lunching at the new pub/ restaurant at Stanmer House. This is an upmarket establishment and so will probably attract the likes of The Captain. I and Mrs Sandyballs have dined there twice and have been pleasantly surprised. It seems to be walker-friendly as well, as plastic bags are provided for muddy boots!

We take the train to Falmer and walk from there. So if Seaford types take the 10.25 and Newhaven types the 10.32 - I will jump on the train at Lewes. The route is not too long and quite flat, so Nerds with dodgy tickers should have no problem.

Sandyballs