This was to be one of Froggy's bus stop rambles except that it was done on the train
simply for the convenience of getting to Southease - and because Bandido Negro was getting old and couldn't get up the stairs on buses. Mind you, a lot of NERDS
with creaky legs and worn out hips and knees were wondering these days whether to hire a sedan chair or pick-up drone to get themselves to the start of the ramble.
And so we arrived at Southease
where Sandyballs was hanging around trying to get himself yet another new job as ticket collector
for Network South East. His contract as a high flying seasonal Border Agency Minion had been terminated recently since the Home Office wanted to recruit more youngsters to deal with compensation claims from the deported E.U. Windrush street sleeping community, and S.B. was now simply unable to cope with the incredibly sophisticated technological know-how required for this new initiative. i.e. he couldn't get an app on his phone for it.
And so the ramble got under way, well sort of, because people seemed to feel the need to take lots of selfies
– me with a ticket collector, me with a black dog
, me with a Japanese student etc. etc. However the day was bright and sunny and so far the NERDS were all excited about where Froggy was going to take us, and what we were going to have for lunch.
We crossed the rickety bridge over The Mighty Ouse
and headed on up to the village of Southease famous for its occasional chilli festival and witch burning activities. Froggy told us that his family had recently given him a birthday present. It was a keep fit torture machine which increased your heart rate to dangerous levels while claiming to give you a torso like Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said he kept getting palpitations and would feel very faint after a bout of exercise, and the rest of us wondered what his family's real motive was in buying him this “life enhancing and healthy” piece of apparatus. Hmmm.........
We went along a farm track,
talked to some cows and then climbed up a very, very steep hill
which led to chez Kiri Te Kanawa, the famous winner of the Eurovision song contest about a century ago. Bandido was suffering because of the climb and drank all the water given to him by his mom and most of Lafayette's water bottle too. Curly was about to offer the poor dog some Jameson’s from his hip flask but this was not considered a good idea.
Things got easier as we descended Porky Woman Hill
, the surreal concept of which had to be explained to Imogene of course, and then we got to The Abergavenny Arms in Rodmell which was to be the lunch stop. This pub has a pleasant garden out at the back and a good menu for hungry NERDS and large black dogs.
Lafayette indulged himself with a very expensive portion of crab which almost justified the price, and the rest all had fish (not crab) and chips and other stuff.
Suddenly a familiar voice was heard and Paco appeared. He had of course forgotten that that day was ramble day and had leapt out of bed and driven round to the pub to be part of the festivities. Sandyballs reckoned that when Froggy would be in Quito (yes, he's going to Quito with Matt) he would suddenly find that Paco had jumped in his car and driven over to Peru to join him for a drink.
For some reason the conversation turned to who could remember the oldest BBC programme in the 1950's, and one or two of us remembered Listen with Mother
which ran from a quarter to two to two o'clock in the afternoon – just before our afternoon nap – a bit like Lafayette's lifestyle choice these days too. Paco remembered standing in the street as a little boy feeding toast to the milkman's horse
when he should have instead been running errands for the Spanish Republican secret service (in Fulham.)
Amazing isn't it how time distorts one's perception of what actually happened long ago.
Bandido and the Bish were feeling a little tired so chose to accompany Imogene back to Seaford before the rest had finished all their reminiscences of yesteryear. How they got back will be related later. The rest of the NERDS went back along Froggy's secret path
down over the rickety bridge over the river (nasty trolls snapping at our heels
) and sussed out a new cafeteria at Southease which had recently opened to supply real ramblers with ice-cream and cake and stuff. Then the NERD ramblers said farewell to Sandyballs who we had to leave at the station because he was on the late shift with his new ticket collecting job.
However, Imogen, Bandit and the Bish had failed to take Froggy's exciting route back to the station, and despite leaving about an hour before the others, decided to go another way across the valley and along the levee of the Mighty Ouse. Unfortunately they got to the end of the levee just in time to see the train to Seaford go sailing past them.
Whoops! Time for plan B. Head towards Newhaven along the river bank. It was just bad luck that they picked the wrong bank of the river to proceed. They reached the vicinity of the incinerator, circumvented a flood defence building site and ran into a load of stiles which were impossible for Bandit to get over because they had been enclosed at the bottom with wire mesh. The final problem was a pedestrian railway crossing at the north end of Newhaven industrial estate. The only way out was via a locked metal five bar gate to which the workers at the site opposite did not have the key.
Oh dear! What to do? After a failed attempt to get a large metal box over the gate with their fork lift truck in which Bandit was to be lifted over, one of them put the forks under the gate and lifted it completely off its hinges. A success of brute force over matter if you like. British workmen are always good at problem solving. Anyway Imogene, the Bish and Bandit managed to get home via the industrial estate after all that. What an adventure!
So, thanks to Froggy for a fine, sunny ramble, to Paco for coming late and telling us all about his childhood, and for the entertaining tale recounted later by the Bish of how he, Imogene and Bandit (and a few workmen) managed to vandalise the area around Newhaven incinerator.
Next month is Dieppe. The Aguado is booked and Froggy is to organise celebratory tee-shirts. Thirty years of NERDing will reach an exciting climax. What could possibly go wrong?
Lafayette.
