NERDS' Ramble No. 312 - Wed 18th Nov. 2015.
Those Present – Lafayette, Matt, Froggy, Curly and Mysterious Guest Sandyballs.
The NERDS Separatists (Froggy's Idea for a title)
Lafayette had requested a short ramble this month. The following day he was due to ramble with The Darkside from Gatwick, and he knew how long Ed would make this ramble. (He was not wrong; The Darksiders walked for miles and miles in the pouring rain through shitty, muddy fields – this was supposed to be a pleasure not an SAS selection course!) Anyway, the NERDS' committee had kindly granted Lafayette leave to organise a ramble up to Stanmer House from Falmer – and we all know how far that is!
Sandyballs was temporarily absent; he had returned the evening before from Venice so was a bit jaded and had domestic chores to perform. Paco had the squits so it was down to Lafayette to lead the way. And so it was that presentably attired in rambling gear he boarded the train at Newhaven to meet a scathing Matt
who told him off for having filthy boots.
“You look as if you're going for a job on a building site.” scathed Matt replete in his Monty Don type scarf ever so casually slung round his neck. “ I can't help it if I'm such a popular socialite and member of so many rambling groups that I never have time to get my bearer to clean my boots.” retorted Laf, “ Besides which Safeer had to go back to Pakistan via Syria recently to take part in the 100th ramble of his own group, The Daaesh Drinkers. Don't expect I'll see him for a while.” he said with a catch in his voice.
And so the NERDS detrained at Falmer, and tearing their gaze away from the student totty disporting themselves round the station
they headed up the short and winding road to Stanmer House.
It was still there with its cosy bar, its comfy sofas, its paintings and books etc. We realised that Curly had never been here before judging by the amount of awe which radiated from him as soon as he stepped through the front door. “ Wow, it looks like Versailles!” said Curly who had just been to France with a load of questionable companions. The floating girlie personnel were still present all dressed tastefully in short black skirts, and as we were sat down at a table opposite the till at the front door we got good and speedy service from them.
However it soon became apparent that not much drink was going to be taken on this occasion. There was no whip, everyone bought there own drink. Matt was flying solo,
Curly doesn't drink much and Froggy had eschewed a lot of alchohol to try to turn into a “highly honed ninja.” (fat chance). Lafayette was left to keep getting up to get his own pints
since he was the only one drinking more than one pint and Sandyballs had not yet arrived.
When the latter did arrive
with a tale of woe about filthy Venetian foreigners, sickness, chores, mothers in law etc. he stayed only for one pint and then whizzed back home to see Mrs Sandyballs who was not well. Lafayette was bereft. Hardly any drinking, no whip, no rounds – what ever had happened to the NERDS' philosophy of All for One and One for All?
It was as thought the cohesive whole of days of yore had suddenly just descended into a load of pale faced, lily-livered individualists who didn't really want to be there. “I blame Club Corona for this ,” he muttered “ That's what the NERDS is rapidly becoming. We'll soon all be wearing cord trousers and drinking half pints.” Froggy
put a positive spin on it by saying we could be known as the Separatists ie. Little drinking,
pale faced, lily-livered, honed ninjas, but Laf was still inconsolable at the way the NERDS were going and was not swayed.
Anyway, the food was up to its usual high standard; the Moby Dick fish course was pretty substantial
for a child's portion but unfortunately the famous waitress, Maria, was nowhere to be seen. The beer was good too and Curly was very impressed by the mini bar at the end, and the luxury of the well lit toilets.
We all got back on the train and went to The Runaway on Lewes station for a coffee ( a coffee!) and then all slid home. At least Laf's legs had been saved for the big Darkside ramble on the morrow and Curly had been given his initiation into the delights of Stanmer House. Next month is the Christmas ramble when Lafayette hopes that at least a modicum of drinking will take place. After that it will be the Winter NERDS/ Darkside Ramble probably in Lewes but certainly taking place on Wednesday January 6th (2016).
Yours in sorrow.
Lafayette.
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