NERDS’ Ramble No. 264 - 22/11/11.

Those Present - Froggy, Lafayette, Sandyballs, El Paco.

The “Philby’s Birthday” Ramble.

Today was the anniversary of Philby’s birthday (who? You may ask…..well he was Belgian or something and would have been 60 if he had still been alive. - Poor Philby, cut down in his prime before being allowed to retire.) Anyway we all thought that this occasion at least was worth a drink…and since it was rambling day….

Froggy was in his last week of freedom during which he was under sentence of death for sporting a haircut like that of a hedgehog. The sentence was due to be carried out at Brighton Hospital next week, and the NERDS were all keen to know what he wanted put on his gravestone and whether he wanted to be planted next to said Philby in Seaford cemetery. ( Shame Froggy wouldn’t be able to retire and get his pension either, especially after all the fuss he had been making about this recently.)

But enough of Froggy, our thoughts were on Philby that day and what a fantastic, responsible, reliable team player he had always been who literally had to be forced by the NERDS to take any form of drink, such was his sober, upright, Calvinistic, protestant upbringing. Many suspected that he might actually be gay since you never actually caught him talking to, or even looking at girls. He seemed to be only interested in that boring sideline of his, that of running a little bodega or grocer’s shop somewhere, although the premises seemed to be some sort of secret and moved around a lot.

However to the ramble. It was a dull, shite type of day with rain threatening and the NERDS got on the train to Berwick after the compulsory second breakfast at Vick’s (as was) at Lewes station.
Berwick happened to be next to the Berwick Arms by good fortune so we piled in there and had a couple of pints while oggling Miss Milf who served the beer. Pity Philby was almost certainly gay otherwise he might have fallen in love with her like Froggy did; but anyway he would have been too shy to even look at her (you remember how he was with girls). She was indeed something - but enough of this NERDish lust and back to the ramble.

Destination today was chez Pete at the Yew Tree at Arlington.
To do this, and to get there before all the Old Trouts in Sussex, we had to circumvent the reservoir so we went the short way round, ie. the right hand side, and were disturbed to notice that the reservoir was really low in water. Hope they’d have enough to enable the local breweries to continue to function.

We went over the river on the rickety rackety bridge where B.T. used to dance on the railing (but survived) and then into Arlington itself. True to form, Pete’s car park was full of cars - always a bad sign (for us), and when we got in there the place was crowded with nice old people. We fought our way to a table and were greeted by Pete in his usual bonhomious way; he still thinks we are something to do with Customs and Excise (as if..)
But at least he doesn’t poison our meals.

You can see why the Yew Tree was so popular. First of all the decorations were stunning, it had three Christmas trees, it had tables full of miniature snowmen and lots of tinsel and stuff hanging from the ceiling. Added to which the meals, of course, had huge helpings and were really yummy. To celebrate Philby’s birthday we all had a mega dessert of Belgian icecream covered with the contents of a miniature bottle of Baileys. Philby would have been proud of us (if he hadn’t been so gay - and dead) but at least we thought about him (a bit).

Lunch over we returned over the rickety, rackety bridge but saw no trolls or B.T.s (surprise, surprise) then back round the reservoir where we were pursued by a sea monster and latterly by vampires - it getting on for dusk an’all. Amazing the restorative power of a few drinks!

So we took refuge from all these strange apparitions in the Berwick Arms once again where Froggy regaled us with tales of how he used to frolic around with his playmates in the sandpit of the Tuileries gardens in Paris (bet he was a psammead - go google it!). We humoured him and plied him with more drink since he hadn’t got long to live anyhow, and we all promised to read his book when he was dead and look after his widow well and drink all his drink stores etc, so he felt better after that.

And so the end to another ramble in which we comforted Froggy and remembered Philby. Next month is the Christmas ramble when we can remember both Froggy and Philby, and think about Bronco and perhaps B.T. ( are you coming over for this, B.T.?)

So best of luck with your execution on the 1st, Froggo. Can I have your stamp collection, please?

Love to all.

Lafayette.