Concerning El Paco'salternative Ramble (see Comments Below)

Joyeux anniversaire, jeune Phil! So sorry to miss your B day lunch and the promised Prosecco .

We kept casting around for a rag tag group clambering around the hills and valley of Cuckmere but to no avail - even peering weirdly (and by that point - slightly wildly) through pub windows in Seaford on our return.

Paco not having anyone's number on his phone - it was like being back in the 80's.

Photographic evidence attached - we was there!

April's Ramble 2017

NERDS' Ramble No. 329

Ramble, No. 329, Froggy's Birthday.

Those Present – Froggy, Sandyballs, Lafayette, Bish, Matt.

Froggy was 64 on this day.

What a youth! Only 64. All the other NERDS were insanely jealous of Froggy (of his age, that is) but real youth in the abstract sense is impossible to reclaim, and so we could only dream of times past

, of challenges conquered, of hearts broken, of 30 odd years of rambles undertaken.

Froggy, of course had written a song

about his momentous anniversary, definitely not a rip-off of that Beatles' song, oh no, more a variation of his previous masterpiece, Freight-squad Blues, but with a more solipsistic theme, about what a great lover

he had been, what a musical genius waiting to be discovered he was

and how he was easily the best cordon bleu chef

in the whole world. The NERDS

immediately banned him from singing it (especially in the street in front of everybody) but acceded to his request to change that day's ramble details.

Sandyballs had been prepared to drag us all up to the top of Seaford Head and therefore put our delicate lives in danger, but Froggy took the more pragmatic view of getting a bus to Alfriston and wandering along the mighty River Cuck up to Exeat.

And so we joined the Old Gits' queue outside Morrisons (everybody looked about 80) and ended up in the centre of Alfriston where Lafayette was torn between waiting for the icecream shop to open or having a pint in the Smugglers. Eventually we got bored waiting on the Smugglers and went down the road to The George which is a far better pub

and where Froggy was persuaded to buy us all a drink, it being his birthday and all that.

The NERDS lounged in the lounge on the sofas and Lafayette had just managed to persuade the amenable barmaid to give Froggy a kiss

for his birthday. Froggy hadn't had a kiss for ages nor had he had a pint for at least two weeks when Sandyballs managed to scupper the magic moment by warning her that she might catch some horrible disease. Never say that true romance is dead.

After this non-erotic interlude Froggy was elected Routemaster

and successfully led us along the Mighty Cuck to The Plough and Harrow at Litlington. It seemed that Wednesday was a popular day and so the NERDS ended up squashed around a small table in the far corner of the pub.

The first thing we noticed was the absurdly high prices for the lunches – but at least they had ham, egg and chips on the menu so Sandyballs was happy. The barmaid here had a face on her like a grumpy bulldog

so we thought trying to persuade her to kiss Froggy probably wouldn't go down too well.

Next year we might all have to club together, take Froggy somewhere special and pay for the service.

(Perhaps not.)

Somewhat disappointed with the Plough and Harrow on a number of counts, the NERDS once again put themselves under the command of our Routemaster who led us further alongside the Mighty Cuck for what seemed miles

and miles

until finally we fetched up at Exeat too exhausted even to crawl into the Golden Galleon to see what the barmaid looked like. Luckily a bus was coming so we all got on quick and wi-fied our way back to town. While Lafayette slept his way back to Newhaven on the bus the remainder dragged Froggy off somewhere for a final Birthday Drink (and who knows what else) in the moral cesspit that is known as Seaford.

Not a bad alternative ramble by Froggy, and we think he enjoyed his birthday OK. He got given a few cards and a remaindered Abba dvd which Sandyballs thought might come in useful for him.

Make sure you all read the alternative write-up about this day's outing put forward by Paco who missed our start by about five minutes but went on to have his own adventure that day with a woman and a dog(!).
[See in Comments section below.]

Us NERDS know how to enjoy ourselves, you know.

Lafayette.

Saint Patrick's Day Ramble 2017

NERDS' Ramble No. 328 .

Ramble 328 – St Patrick's Day 17th March 2017.

Those Present - Lafayette, Sandyballs, Froggy, Curly, Dio.


There were not a large number of Irish NERDS turning out for the St. Patrick's day ramble this year. Matt was on a cruise; Paco had decided his Irish ancestors would not approve of his attending so he stayed in bed. Dio consulted his Native American genes and came out in sympathy, and Curly and Sandyballs found they were the only ones with true green blood.

Oh, and Lafayette's lot all came from the rural parts of Staffordshire and didn't even know where Ireland was.

As custom demanded, everyone met up chez Laf. where we drank Jamesons (thanks for the contribution, Curly) and where Dio showed us phone pictures of a piper in NYC with flames coming out of his arse (don't ask). Then we all got on the bus to Rottingdean. The new buses have these tables up top where you can get wi fi – which is great if you know how to use it (like SB and Froggy) but a real bummer if you don't (like Laf. who has to sit and read a book or look out of the window on every bus journey.) - Sad, sad, sad.

At Rottingdean we approached the Black Horse hoping to see the sexy barmaid from a few years back but she'd run away so we got some male moron who was functional but dull.

Froggy found there was a large mirror just where we were sitting so took a lot of selfies of himself taking selfies of himself taking selfies ad infinitum.

We relocated to The Plough further up the High Street

where the beer was over £4 a pint but where the waitress was one of those slim blonde ones that Sandyballs so admires. She was more functional and interesting than the moron in the last pub so we had a good lunch of fish and chips and some of us even harboured lustful thoughts.

Next was a tiny bit of rambling up

to the windmill on Rottingdean hill

and then over the Downs to St Dunstan's. (Wonder if there's a St Dunstan's day we can all celebrate?)

May 19th

Then down to the main road where we caught a bus

( great ramble this) and ended up, by Curly's request, at The Molly Malone

pub in Brighton. Inside here it was just a sea of green. Everyone wore those daft leprachaun hats, everyone was drinking Guinness, there was Cheltenham races on the telly at full blast and the noise level was apocolyptic.

Soon even the NERDS got frightened that they would lose what little hearing they had left and moved round the corner to the more familiar territory of The Fiddlers Elbow where, guess what, everyone was wearing daft leprachaun hats, drinking Guinness and yelling and screaming at each other. Fortunately most of this mayhem was taking place out in the street so the noise was dissipated a little better.

The barmaids in the F.E. Were all unmoronic and pretty with shamrocks tattooed on their faces.

You could just about make them understand what you wanted to drink if you bellowed at them and as long as it was Guinness that you wanted. There was even a make-up corner away from the bar where trainee barmaids

were practising tattooing shamrocks and leprachauns

on to each others' faces. The mind boggles as to what quaint customs the barmaids might inflict on each other on St Dunstan's Day.

That's about all that happened really on this “ramble.” Lafayette has a vague memory of drinking something in Wetherspoons across the road (back to male, boring and moronic baristas) and then getting the bus back home to Newhaven.

Then he spent the next month with writer's block

because this ramble was essentially exactly the same as the one last year – but with fewer people. Still we all had some fun and Brian will be able to illustrate his blog with a few more green fairies

etc.

Poor Lafayette, he really needs to get out more rather than staying hunched over a typewriter

seeking inspiration from his beer stained notes. Never mind, all geniuses have their off weeks. Next ramble is Froggy's birthday so watch out!

Lafayette.

April 2017 Ramble

As some of you know, this month we walk on Wednesday 26th. Some of you may also know that this particular day is also the birthday of a member of the NERDS of mixed racial background. You have been warned!
In deference to him and other members of the Seaford community, I think it an idea to centre the ramble on their town. So I thought that a stroll up Seaford Head might be in order. WE can visit the picturesque Coastguard Cottages and then ramble to our lunchtime destination at whatever the Golden Galleon is now called. Then perhaps a number 12 bus back into Seaford.
Suggest we meet at Seaford Central station at 10.15? As the song goes: "Will you still be sending me a Valentine, birthday greeting, bottle of wine ....." (lyrics reproduced without kind permission of Lennon and McCartney)

Sandyballs

April's suggested new rambling date

Dear NERDS,

Sorry to muck you all about but I now find that I cannot make the proposed ramble on the 12th! Can we switch to Froggy's alternative date - Wednesday 26th?

Apparently that may be better for Matt and Curly.....

Rants, regrets, complaints, etc to the usual place.


SB

2017 April's Ramble date

A note from Sandyballs regarding the above.

On the 2 March rambles we failed to confirm a date for the April ramble, Anybody have an objection to Wednesday the 12th?





SB




This is, of course, the anniversary of

February's and March Ramble 2017

NERDS' Ramble No. 327 Wed. 1st March 2017

Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt, Curly.

The Poorly Old Men Ramble.

It was still winter. Lafayette was feeling crap. Seasonal colds were taking their toll. “Do I want to go out in this weather? It's going to be muddy, cold and rainy.” thought Lafayette. “ Better had, otherwise the other NERDS will think I'm a snowflake.”

reasoned Laf. So he got on the train where he met Matt who said he looked awful, and Froggy who was complaining about his bad back. “The outlook is grim,” thought Lafayette.

“Hope the Routemaster is in good nick otherwise we'll just be sitting around drinking in pubs and that won't do.” ( As if.....)

At Lewes the Routemaster was no better than anyone else, and probably worse. “ I've been tossing and turning all night with various lurgies and incredible erotic dreams,” ( Oh, no......that was Froggy with his amazingly sleep inducing viagra pills.)

Sandyballs did not look well but managed unerringly to take us to The Brewers Arms for an aperitif.

This amazing pub was not only related to S.B. but also opened at 10 00 hrs so that it could cope with all the breakfast drunkards who were piled up on its doorstep.

After a couple of breakfast pints

the NERDS were feeling more human but were then faced with some earth shattering news from Sandyballs himself. “I should like to announce,” he began. “ Uh, oh,” we thought, “he's going to get married again, what will his first wife make of this?” “ I should like to announce that I'm going back to work at Newhaven because I'm worried about the situation after Brexit.” (and I'm a money grabbing bastard at £18 per hour.) Shocked silence greeted this until someone pointed out that the old office had ceased to function and S.B. would have to mingle with nasty Customs types. “It matters not a jot to me,” said Sandyballs portentously, “My country needs me and I want to do my bit.” Lafayette asked him sarcastically if he was going to sit around all day drinking wine as he had done before, or whether it was the pull of watching Countdown that was the main attraction. “You may mock,” responded Sandyballs nobly “ but I feel my vocation coming back and I intend to work really hard.” Nobody was convinced........after all didn't retirement mean retirement?

However Sandyballs then demonstrated his organisational skills by leading his troops out of the pub through Lewes

and in the direction of B.T.'s old Landport Estate where the ramble proper would begin. Those of you students of recent NERDS' history will have realised that this route was taken but three rambles previously when it was celebrated as a “brand new ramble.”

The route was muddy and cold

and it began to rain almost as soon as we passed the polling station of B.T. UKIP fame. Had the weather been more pleasant it would have been a joy to walk near the Mighty Ouse and to appreciate the delights of the views over the valley but quite frankly we were cold with messy boots and just wanted to get into the next pub.

After half an hour or so we arrived in Offham and thankfully dashed into The Blacksmiths

where the picture of Virginia Woolf smiled down on us. “ Aye, she used to come in here for a drop of Harveys in the old days before she began collecting stones down by the river.” said the (foreign) landlord.

The food here was excellent

and Lafayette made a pig of himself with the “Really Naughty Icecream”

which was easily up to best italian standards. There was basically a choice between chicken pie and good steak, and both were deemed very good. The waiter came and told us about all the places he'd been waiting at and the NERDS told him about all the waiters they'd knocked off (before retirement, of course.)

Then began the long drag back into Lewes along the main road. This is always longer than you think but we continue to do it anyway. Puzzlingly, as we passed the Chalkpit (pub as was, now a curry house) a minibus dropped off a load of chinese looking types. Were they a tour group or the afternoon curry workers?

Nobody knew and Froggy's cantonese allowance had run out – so it remained a mystery.

Down into Lewes we went with Lafayette having to rest his poorly lungs occasionally, and then into The Elephant and Castle where Laf was amused to find a four page list of exotic beers but no food menu. Shows you what people in Lewes do, doesn't it? So after a restorative beer the NERDS all wended their way.

Not a bad ramble; pity about the weather but the pubs were all OK and in the end that's what matters when you're all old men.

Don't forget it's The St Patrick's Day ramble on 17th March.

Bring those big hats and turn up chez Laf. on the day.

Bye for now.

Lafayette.

St. Patrick's Day Ramble 2017

Dear NERDS,

St Patrick's Day Ramble is on Friday 17th March.
Meet up chez Lafayette at 10 30 hrs approx and bring your bus passes.
I have enough Jamesons to allow us all to drink a toast to Ireland ( although my own association is only tenuous and obtained through marriage.)

SCOFFERS
Monday 20th March. Again meet chez Laf. at 10 30hrs approx and we can have breakfast at that place in Newhaven we went to before that sells black pudding.

West quay Cafe.

See you on Friday 17th.

Lafayette.