April's Ramble 2017

NERDS' Ramble No. 329

Ramble, No. 329, Froggy's Birthday.

Those Present – Froggy, Sandyballs, Lafayette, Bish, Matt.

Froggy was 64 on this day.

What a youth! Only 64. All the other NERDS were insanely jealous of Froggy (of his age, that is) but real youth in the abstract sense is impossible to reclaim, and so we could only dream of times past

, of challenges conquered, of hearts broken, of 30 odd years of rambles undertaken.

Froggy, of course had written a song

about his momentous anniversary, definitely not a rip-off of that Beatles' song, oh no, more a variation of his previous masterpiece, Freight-squad Blues, but with a more solipsistic theme, about what a great lover

he had been, what a musical genius waiting to be discovered he was

and how he was easily the best cordon bleu chef

in the whole world. The NERDS

immediately banned him from singing it (especially in the street in front of everybody) but acceded to his request to change that day's ramble details.

Sandyballs had been prepared to drag us all up to the top of Seaford Head and therefore put our delicate lives in danger, but Froggy took the more pragmatic view of getting a bus to Alfriston and wandering along the mighty River Cuck up to Exeat.

And so we joined the Old Gits' queue outside Morrisons (everybody looked about 80) and ended up in the centre of Alfriston where Lafayette was torn between waiting for the icecream shop to open or having a pint in the Smugglers. Eventually we got bored waiting on the Smugglers and went down the road to The George which is a far better pub

and where Froggy was persuaded to buy us all a drink, it being his birthday and all that.

The NERDS lounged in the lounge on the sofas and Lafayette had just managed to persuade the amenable barmaid to give Froggy a kiss

for his birthday. Froggy hadn't had a kiss for ages nor had he had a pint for at least two weeks when Sandyballs managed to scupper the magic moment by warning her that she might catch some horrible disease. Never say that true romance is dead.

After this non-erotic interlude Froggy was elected Routemaster

and successfully led us along the Mighty Cuck to The Plough and Harrow at Litlington. It seemed that Wednesday was a popular day and so the NERDS ended up squashed around a small table in the far corner of the pub.

The first thing we noticed was the absurdly high prices for the lunches – but at least they had ham, egg and chips on the menu so Sandyballs was happy. The barmaid here had a face on her like a grumpy bulldog

so we thought trying to persuade her to kiss Froggy probably wouldn't go down too well.

Next year we might all have to club together, take Froggy somewhere special and pay for the service.

(Perhaps not.)

Somewhat disappointed with the Plough and Harrow on a number of counts, the NERDS once again put themselves under the command of our Routemaster who led us further alongside the Mighty Cuck for what seemed miles

and miles

until finally we fetched up at Exeat too exhausted even to crawl into the Golden Galleon to see what the barmaid looked like. Luckily a bus was coming so we all got on quick and wi-fied our way back to town. While Lafayette slept his way back to Newhaven on the bus the remainder dragged Froggy off somewhere for a final Birthday Drink (and who knows what else) in the moral cesspit that is known as Seaford.

Not a bad alternative ramble by Froggy, and we think he enjoyed his birthday OK. He got given a few cards and a remaindered Abba dvd which Sandyballs thought might come in useful for him.

Make sure you all read the alternative write-up about this day's outing put forward by Paco who missed our start by about five minutes but went on to have his own adventure that day with a woman and a dog(!).
[See in Comments section below.]

Us NERDS know how to enjoy ourselves, you know.

Lafayette.