Saint Patrick's Day Ramble 2017

NERDS' Ramble No. 328 .

Ramble 328 – St Patrick's Day 17th March 2017.

Those Present - Lafayette, Sandyballs, Froggy, Curly, Dio.


There were not a large number of Irish NERDS turning out for the St. Patrick's day ramble this year. Matt was on a cruise; Paco had decided his Irish ancestors would not approve of his attending so he stayed in bed. Dio consulted his Native American genes and came out in sympathy, and Curly and Sandyballs found they were the only ones with true green blood.

Oh, and Lafayette's lot all came from the rural parts of Staffordshire and didn't even know where Ireland was.

As custom demanded, everyone met up chez Laf. where we drank Jamesons (thanks for the contribution, Curly) and where Dio showed us phone pictures of a piper in NYC with flames coming out of his arse (don't ask). Then we all got on the bus to Rottingdean. The new buses have these tables up top where you can get wi fi – which is great if you know how to use it (like SB and Froggy) but a real bummer if you don't (like Laf. who has to sit and read a book or look out of the window on every bus journey.) - Sad, sad, sad.

At Rottingdean we approached the Black Horse hoping to see the sexy barmaid from a few years back but she'd run away so we got some male moron who was functional but dull.

Froggy found there was a large mirror just where we were sitting so took a lot of selfies of himself taking selfies of himself taking selfies ad infinitum.

We relocated to The Plough further up the High Street

where the beer was over £4 a pint but where the waitress was one of those slim blonde ones that Sandyballs so admires. She was more functional and interesting than the moron in the last pub so we had a good lunch of fish and chips and some of us even harboured lustful thoughts.

Next was a tiny bit of rambling up

to the windmill on Rottingdean hill

and then over the Downs to St Dunstan's. (Wonder if there's a St Dunstan's day we can all celebrate?)

May 19th

Then down to the main road where we caught a bus

( great ramble this) and ended up, by Curly's request, at The Molly Malone

pub in Brighton. Inside here it was just a sea of green. Everyone wore those daft leprachaun hats, everyone was drinking Guinness, there was Cheltenham races on the telly at full blast and the noise level was apocolyptic.

Soon even the NERDS got frightened that they would lose what little hearing they had left and moved round the corner to the more familiar territory of The Fiddlers Elbow where, guess what, everyone was wearing daft leprachaun hats, drinking Guinness and yelling and screaming at each other. Fortunately most of this mayhem was taking place out in the street so the noise was dissipated a little better.

The barmaids in the F.E. Were all unmoronic and pretty with shamrocks tattooed on their faces.

You could just about make them understand what you wanted to drink if you bellowed at them and as long as it was Guinness that you wanted. There was even a make-up corner away from the bar where trainee barmaids

were practising tattooing shamrocks and leprachauns

on to each others' faces. The mind boggles as to what quaint customs the barmaids might inflict on each other on St Dunstan's Day.

That's about all that happened really on this “ramble.” Lafayette has a vague memory of drinking something in Wetherspoons across the road (back to male, boring and moronic baristas) and then getting the bus back home to Newhaven.

Then he spent the next month with writer's block

because this ramble was essentially exactly the same as the one last year – but with fewer people. Still we all had some fun and Brian will be able to illustrate his blog with a few more green fairies

etc.

Poor Lafayette, he really needs to get out more rather than staying hunched over a typewriter

seeking inspiration from his beer stained notes. Never mind, all geniuses have their off weeks. Next ramble is Froggy's birthday so watch out!

Lafayette.

April 2017 Ramble

As some of you know, this month we walk on Wednesday 26th. Some of you may also know that this particular day is also the birthday of a member of the NERDS of mixed racial background. You have been warned!
In deference to him and other members of the Seaford community, I think it an idea to centre the ramble on their town. So I thought that a stroll up Seaford Head might be in order. WE can visit the picturesque Coastguard Cottages and then ramble to our lunchtime destination at whatever the Golden Galleon is now called. Then perhaps a number 12 bus back into Seaford.
Suggest we meet at Seaford Central station at 10.15? As the song goes: "Will you still be sending me a Valentine, birthday greeting, bottle of wine ....." (lyrics reproduced without kind permission of Lennon and McCartney)

Sandyballs

April's suggested new rambling date

Dear NERDS,

Sorry to muck you all about but I now find that I cannot make the proposed ramble on the 12th! Can we switch to Froggy's alternative date - Wednesday 26th?

Apparently that may be better for Matt and Curly.....

Rants, regrets, complaints, etc to the usual place.


SB

2017 April's Ramble date

A note from Sandyballs regarding the above.

On the 2 March rambles we failed to confirm a date for the April ramble, Anybody have an objection to Wednesday the 12th?





SB




This is, of course, the anniversary of

February's and March Ramble 2017

NERDS' Ramble No. 327 Wed. 1st March 2017

Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt, Curly.

The Poorly Old Men Ramble.

It was still winter. Lafayette was feeling crap. Seasonal colds were taking their toll. “Do I want to go out in this weather? It's going to be muddy, cold and rainy.” thought Lafayette. “ Better had, otherwise the other NERDS will think I'm a snowflake.”

reasoned Laf. So he got on the train where he met Matt who said he looked awful, and Froggy who was complaining about his bad back. “The outlook is grim,” thought Lafayette.

“Hope the Routemaster is in good nick otherwise we'll just be sitting around drinking in pubs and that won't do.” ( As if.....)

At Lewes the Routemaster was no better than anyone else, and probably worse. “ I've been tossing and turning all night with various lurgies and incredible erotic dreams,” ( Oh, no......that was Froggy with his amazingly sleep inducing viagra pills.)

Sandyballs did not look well but managed unerringly to take us to The Brewers Arms for an aperitif.

This amazing pub was not only related to S.B. but also opened at 10 00 hrs so that it could cope with all the breakfast drunkards who were piled up on its doorstep.

After a couple of breakfast pints

the NERDS were feeling more human but were then faced with some earth shattering news from Sandyballs himself. “I should like to announce,” he began. “ Uh, oh,” we thought, “he's going to get married again, what will his first wife make of this?” “ I should like to announce that I'm going back to work at Newhaven because I'm worried about the situation after Brexit.” (and I'm a money grabbing bastard at £18 per hour.) Shocked silence greeted this until someone pointed out that the old office had ceased to function and S.B. would have to mingle with nasty Customs types. “It matters not a jot to me,” said Sandyballs portentously, “My country needs me and I want to do my bit.” Lafayette asked him sarcastically if he was going to sit around all day drinking wine as he had done before, or whether it was the pull of watching Countdown that was the main attraction. “You may mock,” responded Sandyballs nobly “ but I feel my vocation coming back and I intend to work really hard.” Nobody was convinced........after all didn't retirement mean retirement?

However Sandyballs then demonstrated his organisational skills by leading his troops out of the pub through Lewes

and in the direction of B.T.'s old Landport Estate where the ramble proper would begin. Those of you students of recent NERDS' history will have realised that this route was taken but three rambles previously when it was celebrated as a “brand new ramble.”

The route was muddy and cold

and it began to rain almost as soon as we passed the polling station of B.T. UKIP fame. Had the weather been more pleasant it would have been a joy to walk near the Mighty Ouse and to appreciate the delights of the views over the valley but quite frankly we were cold with messy boots and just wanted to get into the next pub.

After half an hour or so we arrived in Offham and thankfully dashed into The Blacksmiths

where the picture of Virginia Woolf smiled down on us. “ Aye, she used to come in here for a drop of Harveys in the old days before she began collecting stones down by the river.” said the (foreign) landlord.

The food here was excellent

and Lafayette made a pig of himself with the “Really Naughty Icecream”

which was easily up to best italian standards. There was basically a choice between chicken pie and good steak, and both were deemed very good. The waiter came and told us about all the places he'd been waiting at and the NERDS told him about all the waiters they'd knocked off (before retirement, of course.)

Then began the long drag back into Lewes along the main road. This is always longer than you think but we continue to do it anyway. Puzzlingly, as we passed the Chalkpit (pub as was, now a curry house) a minibus dropped off a load of chinese looking types. Were they a tour group or the afternoon curry workers?

Nobody knew and Froggy's cantonese allowance had run out – so it remained a mystery.

Down into Lewes we went with Lafayette having to rest his poorly lungs occasionally, and then into The Elephant and Castle where Laf was amused to find a four page list of exotic beers but no food menu. Shows you what people in Lewes do, doesn't it? So after a restorative beer the NERDS all wended their way.

Not a bad ramble; pity about the weather but the pubs were all OK and in the end that's what matters when you're all old men.

Don't forget it's The St Patrick's Day ramble on 17th March.

Bring those big hats and turn up chez Laf. on the day.

Bye for now.

Lafayette.

St. Patrick's Day Ramble 2017

Dear NERDS,

St Patrick's Day Ramble is on Friday 17th March.
Meet up chez Lafayette at 10 30 hrs approx and bring your bus passes.
I have enough Jamesons to allow us all to drink a toast to Ireland ( although my own association is only tenuous and obtained through marriage.)

SCOFFERS
Monday 20th March. Again meet chez Laf. at 10 30hrs approx and we can have breakfast at that place in Newhaven we went to before that sells black pudding.

West quay Cafe.

See you on Friday 17th.

Lafayette.

2017 January Ramble

NERDS Ramble No 326. Wed. 4th Jan. 2017.


Those Present – NERDS - Lafayette,

 Sandyballs, Froggy, Matt, Curly, Paco, The Bish, Matrix Man (Dio), Shaz.

Darksiders - Ed, Marion, Sheila, Jane, Dave, Tim.

Lafayette's 70th Birthday Ramble.

Lafayette woke up that day with a feeling of doom. He realised suddenly that it was his birthday; that he had reached his three score years and ten; in effect, that he had become an old man

overnight and that the future for him held – well who knows.

Then he thought “ Oh well, there have been lots of rambles where he didn't know how he got home; lots of outings with people he liked to have outings with, and that day he was going out with his two favourite rambling groups so what could possibly go wrong?”

Picking up his tough bodyguard, Matrix Man, Lafayette was escorted to Lewes on the bus where the NERDS were waiting outside the RunAway Caff with arms full of birthday cards. There was too a KitKat from the Ginger M......,

the exotic waitress from the caff who had long been an ardent admirer of Lafayette and who had worshiped him from afar dazzled by his skills and renown as a famous author.

At this point however things looked as if they might fall apart.

People from all over Sussex began ringing Laf to say that their train would be late, that they had got lost, that their cat had gone missing, that their house had blown up etc etc. Lafayette was unfazed. “ No problem,” he said “ Just get down here when you can and we'll wait for you.” Then he and the NERDS (and bodyguard) retired into the RunAway to eat KitKats and drink coffee and brandy (thanks to the generosity of Froggy.)

Eventually the Darksiders turned up in dribs and drabs. Arrivals were so sporadic that the Bish christened this day as “The Shamble Ramble” but at least everyone managed to make the start. The weather was not unpleasant, quite mild in fact, and so after Froggy had taken a group photo outside the station

Lafayette led his crowd off in the direction of Kingston.

The route wound up Southover High Street, down a lane, round by the Rugby Club and past South Barn Farm where Lafayette's younger daughter, Dani Lafayette, was currently gainfully employed. Thereafter into Kingston where The Juggs was being prepared to celebrate The Birthday Bash. Now The Juggs has a nice long banqueting table in the back room which was able to seat a large number of people, and since we were fifteen that day it was ideal.

When Lafayette finally managed to extricate himself from making last minute arrangements (guess what, prosecco again) he found that his place at table had been adorned with a 70th birthday balloon

and lots of presents from his kind devotees. Strangely enough most of these presents seemed to centre around some sort of alcholic drink - not that Laf. is averse to such stuff indeed. He also got a nice cycling keyring from Sheila to use on the next occasion when his hip packed in and he was forced again to cycle everywhere!

Toasts were drunk in prosecco

and then everyone got down to the serious business of eating and drinking. Paco gave a monologue to Jane about his version of feminism which was interpreted by Shaz as “ All men must dominate women and they do all the work.” Laf said his contribution to feminism was to empty the dishwasher and make Mrs Lafayette tea all the time. Shaz said this was a good start but more effort must be made. Sheila asked Laf what she could do for him for his special present, and in true feminist spirit Laf said she could do a bit of pole-dancing for him.

Sheila seemed willing enough but almost immediately fell asleep on the table over her wine - much to Laf's chagrin.

As usual in The Juggs the food and drink were excellent, and thanks must go to Ed for all his fetching and carrying. Matt came up to the Darksiders end of the table and amused everyone with anecdotes of the years he had managed to foil illegal immigration at Newhaven – mostly conducted from the bar on the ferry. Froggy invited everyone to his next book signing ceremony when he finally got round to finishing volume six of his autobiography

“All shagged out at fourteen.” and Dio threatened to disclose some of the secrets of his mafiosi friends in New York.

At this point the NERDS all paid up and went off to be driven home by Matt. No more rambling for them. Apparently they finished the proceedings drinking in The Shore at Seaford so not a waste of an afternoon after all. The Darksiders woke up Sheila and set off back to Lewes via the windmill and several muddy fields. Dio took lots of photographs of ferocious cows and of Lafayette hanging on to his balloon and feeling like the famous picture of Winny the Pooh.

On arrival at the Lewes bypass Shaz scuttled over the high bridge saying that she had this phobia about large bridges over busy traffic. Apparently the experience, together with a certain amount of alchohol, makes her think she can fly - which is not usually a good idea, so she had to be dragged into both The Swan and The Kings Head at Southover to be calmed down.

And so the latest joint ramble came to an end. Lafayette

had had a marvellous time on his 70th and had received some very generous cards and presents. He gives thanks to all for coming and contributing, and to The Juggs for their usual high standard of food and drink. We look forward to another joint bash between the Darksiders and the NERDS sometime in the summer.

Happy New Year to everyone.

Lafayette.

January's Lafayette birthday ramble

Dear Darksiders and NERDS,

Many thanks to you all for the marvellous cards and presents you all gave me.

I hope you all had a good time and got home safely. I certainly enjoyed myself.

Thank you all once again.


Charlie.[Lafayette]

January's Joining Instructions

Dear NERDS and Darksiders,

Just to repeat the joining instructions which are: meet at Lewes station (probably in the Runaway Cafe) between 10 30 and 11 o'clock on Wednesday 4th Jan. (ie. tomorrow).

Can I ask you all to bring some change and small denomination notes with you - otherwise everyone ends up trying to pay for their meal with a fistful of £20 notes.

Thank you and see you all tomorrow.

Charlie.(Lafayette)

January, 2017, Joining Instructions

Dear NERDS, Darksiders and other guests


Joining Instructions for Wednesday January 4th. - We shall meet at Lewes Station between 10 30hrs and 11 00hrs and will then proceed to The Juggs at Kingston.
There are so far no train strikes scheduled for that day so (it is to be hoped) we should be OK.

Can those who have not yet given me their lunch preferences please do so asap as I have to let the pub know in advance.

I need to know from:Marion, Robert, Roger, Shaz, Paco, and Dio.

See you on the 4th.



Charlie. [Lafayette]

The 2016 Christmas Ramble

NERDS' Ramble No 325. Wed. 14th Dec. 2016.

Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Paco, Curly, Bronco, The Bish.

Yuletime 2016

This was to be the “Ramble of the Year” in which the NERDS have their Christmas dinner and see how many pubs they can “ramble round” in Lewes. Despite an inconvenient train strike most of the NERDS managed to make the start. Matt, unfortunately had to bale out at the last minute for medical reasons (old age, bits dropping off etc.) but the rest of us managed to get to The Brewers Arms for 11o'clock

where they found Lafayette stuck up a corner with a pint in front of him having already completed the second draft of the write-up (Whoops!)
Lafayette was finding it strange to be in The Brewers in daylight; he was usually a Thursday night aficionado and none of his fellow vampires

were there at that time. People were sitting around drinking coffee (ugh!), reading newspapers and discussing how big their turds had been that morning. (Laf. had been listening to some strange conversations.) But the NERDS sat around with pints in front of them

and looked for the “Famous Person” from last month – but he was not to be seen. And so, tired of the unexciting atmosphere of The Brewers the NERDS moved

on to The Lewes Arms.

This place, according to Sandyballs, was the mega-bourgeois-snobby pub of Lewes.

The NERDs perched in the front room where Sandyballs had often been given a frosty reception because he was considered too chavvy. It must be said there weren't any common people there at all – a situation quickly remedied by the NERDS and their sparkling repartee. Class distinctions apart, The Lewes Arms had a good selection of beers and the staff were youthful and helpful.

And so, it being near lunchtime by now, we rolled down School Hill towards Cliffe High Street where we picked up Bronco who suddenly appeared from the bus station. Dear old Bronco, we only see him once or so a year but he always looks the same and greets you with that enormous grin.

The “ramble” continued by way of secret twitterns and car parks until we arrived at our lunchtime destination, The Dorset Arms where The Bish was to be found outddoors sitting at a garden table nursing a pint. We were now completely quorate so entered the pub with high expectations.

Strangely enough we seemed to be the only ones in the pub

at this time, somewhat worrying since on previous years the place had been packed to the extent that even cats had been known to walk in off the street attracted by the smell of Christmas dinner. However we were greeted by our waitress for the day whose name was Ella and who was just eighteen. Ella seemed born to the role of looking after a load of curmudgeonly old NERDS.

She charmed and sparkled and took photos of us all

(You'd think we'd all know what we looked like by now) and served us up with our dinner. Most of us had pheasant

; there was no turkey much to Froggy's chagrin, but now he's been invited back to sit at the family table that might all change. As you might expect much alcohol was consumed – the house red wine wasn't bad and Laf's nougat pudding went well washed down with amaretto.

Finally everyone staggered out blinking into the daylight and whipped round the corner heading to The Volunteer which was handily just opposite the bus station. Just then a blonde angel descended on us

and claimed she was related to Sandyballs, and that he was pissed and needed taking back home. Now SB was not really any more pissed than anybody else and fought off the angel saying he was perfectly capable of getting home by himself. He pushed The Angel Becks away and threatened to disinherit her if she interrupted his drinking. Not even the offer of a taxi swayed him, so the NERDS bade farewell to the blonde angel and entered the pub for a few more scoops.

Since there were no trains that day we had to be very careful to get the 123 back to Newhaven – otherwise we would have been stranded for days in Lewes with all its pubs (shucks). Sandyballs was finally escorted home by Bronco whose kidneys seemed to be weathering the festive onslaught quite well. The rest of us went to Newhaven where Paco started to demand more drink. Lafayette (unsurprisingly) knew which were the shitty pubs in Newhaven and which were the good ones so determined to put us right. Paco was dragged kicking and screaming to The Jolly Boatman which was down the end of the road where Lafayette had used to live.

The Jolly Boatman

was living up to its name and was full of people having a pre Christmas drink and none of them looking as though they were employed. In fact most of them looked well over sixty. This seemed to be the present Newhaven demographic. There was a good atmosphere going and the NERDS seated themselves in a comfortable circle within easy reach of the bar. Lafayette found the aged barman a little strange. He seemed to be deaf but was able to lip read and was OK at serving drinks.

The Bish found that he was making a new friend. In the sensual and cosy atmosphere which abounded he found himself sitting next to a female who started to pay him interested attention. This vision of beauty seemed to be dressed in a red santa suit

and obviously loved talking and singing and drinking. She was known as Mad Jane. Lafayette knew her well and had spent years avoiding her round various pubs in Newhaven where she had consistently screwed up his games of darts by her presence. Mad Jane had obviously taken a fancy to The Bish and serenaded him with various Christmas carols and tried to get him to dance. The Bish was not impressed; he probably thought she was after his money. Eventually when this siren had gone to the bog the NERDS slipped out of the pub and ran for it. Lafayette presumes that everyone got home safe and sound and were not pursued by any other local “characters.”

And so ended this year's Yuletide “ramble.” It had been a rather interesting pub crawl and had been nice to see Bronco on one of his rare outings. Thanks go to Sandyballs for organising the meal which wasn't too bad at all, and we hope that Froggy gets his turkey on Christmas day.

Next month on the 4th there is the joint NERDS/Darkside ramble to the Juggs to celebrate Lafayette being thirty (again) so make sure you all join the cast of thousands.

Merry Christmas, tout le monde.

Lafayette.

Christmas Ramble arrangements

Fellow Nerds,

I've already sent this to Harry and Charles, so you now need to see this and if we are in agreement, this is what we could do.

Thanks to Tony for spotting there are no rail replacement buses.......at all!!!!! OK us Seaford/Newhaven people can get back to Newhaven on the 16:25 no 123 from Lewes bus station. It is not so far to walk from the Dorset, either.

However, to get to Lewes we have only a choice of 2 no 123 buses from Newhaven Lower Place; the 08:58 arriving at Lewes Station at 09:22
(a bit too early) or the 10:25 from Newhaven Lower Place, arriving at Lewes Station at 10:52 (a bit too late). We have no other choice, except by taxi.

I would suggest the latter, so that bus passes can be used to get to Newhaven. There is a 12X bullet bus at Sutton Corner @ 09:55, which
leaves Seaford library on the hour and gets in to Newhaven South Way at 10:07, allowing enough time to get over to Lower Place and meet up with Charles.

Harry, would it just be easier for you to make your own way to the Brewers and we'll get there @ 11:10 ish? Up to you mate.

Charles are you ok with this plan to meet us @ 10:15?

OK lovely boys, we can make this work. See you on the bus or at Newhaven "bus station".

Phil

2016 Christmas Ramble Joining Instructions

Hi all NERDS,



The high point in the NERDS social calendar approaches. As I am sure you know, we meet on Wednesday 14th and will be enjoying our turkey-free

repast at The Dorset in Lewes. As usual we meet at Lewes station at the traditional time - about 10.15 but see below. We will then take part in an urban ramble where SB will point out some of the architectural and cultural attractions. It may not surprise you to hear that some of these attractions are licenced......

We are scheduled to arrive at The Dorset at about 12.45 with a view to sitting down to eat at 1PM. There should be 7 of us on the 'walk' and the plan is that we meet Bronco at the pub - unless he fancies walking? So 8 at table.

One last thing. The Bish has informed me that on the day there will be yet another rail strike. So for Seaford/ Newhaven types it will be the normal rail replacement buses. Hopefully chaos will be avoided and we will meet up OK.

Looking forward to Festive Fun.

Sandyballs

December's Christmas Ramble help

Dear NERDS,

People seem to be having trouble with the web site for this.

It is: http://www.thedorsetlewes.co.uk/




Laf.