March 2016 Ramble

NERDS' Ramble No. 316. 23rd March 2016.

(More about this later)



A Brief Note about a NERDS' expedition on St Patrick's Day.

A thin cluster of NERDS turned out on 17th March to celebrate St Patrick's Day. They were Sandyballs, Lafayette, Dio and Paco. Unfortunately Matt, Curly and Froggy were otherwise engaged ie. hols and such like, so not such a howling mob as in years gone by.
Coffee and Jamesons were served at Lavender Lodge where Dio told us of his experience on a previous St Pat's day when he had been a bodyguard for someone famous on a float in New York. Paco told us how his uncle had fought in the Spanish Civil War but had always got time off to go and drink Guinness somewhere when St Pat's name cropped up. Then we looked at a charming dvd of the big NERDS arsing about in Lewes about 1992, and thereafter of the baby Nerdlings pratting about up on Mount Caburn during the famous picnic when B.T. fell over and smashed his face in. ( He got better).
The expedition travelled by bus to Rottingdean where the NERDS started off drinking in the Black Horse. However we were driven out as a result of someone wanting to have a wake there which dampened down the party atmosphere a bit.
Lunch was taken at The Plough, the pub by the duck pond. The place had gone up-market since the food and drink cost considerably more than last year and we had waitress service “inflicted” on us. However.......our waitress (Georgina) raised everyone's morale (so to speak). She was young, very pretty and from Puerto Rica. It was therefore a good excuse for Paco to show off that he spoke a modicum of spanish. Nevertheless the beer was more than £4 a pint – but I guess you pay for the pleasure of the waitresse's attention. ( She was rather nice).
The NERDS decided they weren't going to make this into a proper ramble since by now they were all emotionally drained and some of us were going out later that evening. Lafayette had never been to The Queen Victoria, a pub near the bus stop, and so we went there and drank Jamesons again. It was a very old fashioned pub, narrow but long, but sadly seemed to be bereft of nice puerto-rican barmaids.
And so, mindful of their livers and their other social commitments, the NERDS called a halt to that day's “ excursion” and went home by bus. There had not been a lot of attention paid to St Pat himself, but we had made a new friend and some of us had practised their spanish. Wonder when Puerto Rico National Day takes place........
The Real March Ramble 23/3/16. - done for the benefit of B.T.
Those Present – B.T. (of course), Lafayette, Froggy, Sandyballs,
Matt.

Froggy had bought himself a new hat.

He'd finally taken the plunge and bought an Old Fart's flat cap – just like Lafayette's only a different colour. B.T. had come over from France but hadn't got a new hat; he'd brought Lafayette some French booze which the latter was keeping a secret from the rest of the NERDS just in case they turned up thirsty again at Lavender Lodge.

Now, because The Yew Tree in Arlington had been such a welcoming pub last ramble we had decided to take B.T. there for lunch in the hope of getting another free drink out of bonhomie-ous landlord, Pete. Sadly this is not how things worked out.

Aperitifs were taken at the caff on Lewes station

while we waited for the train

to Berwick.

Meanwhile, B.T. took photos of absolutely everything that moved and many a thing that didn't. Froggy's girlfriend, The Ginger M.......arvel, wasn't there that day. Froggy was disappointed; he wanted to impress her with his new hat. “ Never mind,” he said, “ I'll show it to the barmaid with the big tits at The Yew Tree, she's always nice to me, and she'll be impressed!”

First of all a chance to seek out the Milf at the Berwick Inn

and try some charm on her. As usual the NERDS were the only ones there

but at least they'd got a fire going.

No Milfs around however until two sweaty girls in running gear came in and went upstairs to do heaven knows what to each other in the shower, (stop it, stop it).

Then we drank Harvey's and sat by the fire while B.T. told us about his lavish, millionaire lifestyle on his yacht

down in the South of France, and how he did nothing but drink red wine

and calvados

and took photos of the many models

who attended his sumptuous parties.

One or two of us were a bit dubious about the veracity of this account, especially Lafayette who was the honestest of all the NERDS and never told any fibs.

A feature of this particular ramble was that the whip was reintroduced since everyone had decided that they did actually want to drink as opposed to all that “My body is a temple,” rubbish that had been spouted at previous rambles. Fortunately Lafayette had found some scruffy pig skin purse which he kept the money in. Froggy was dying to take it off him but Lafayette was adamant that he was going to do it his way.

The ramble proper began. Just as we were crossing the first field another rambling group seemed to join us

from a different direction. They were obviously “proper” ramblers because they had sticks and maps (and were sober). Some of them even were girlies. One such moved in on Froggy. “ That's a nice hat you've got ,” she said. “Yes, It's my rambling hat,” replied Froggy. “ It makes me big and strong so that I can carry on walking for hours and hours.”

The girly was obviously impressed. These proper ramblers were getting further and further ahead, and so was Froggy. The lure of the pheromones had proved too much. Girlies are divisive, that's why we had NERDS' Rule No 1, but Froggy was getting more and more wrapped up in impressing this female. The girly was getting bolder. “Do you think I could actually er... touch your hat?” she began. But at this point the NERDS had had enough and dragged poor Froggy back down to earth to reinstate him with his proper kind. God, have you ever seen a NERD sulk!

The NERDS crossed some more muddy fields and eventually reached the reservoir.

The weather wasn't very good being bleak and rather windy. Matt said a girly had talked to him once and he'd run away before she could touch his hat. Lafayette said they were different on Darkside rambles when they all drank prosecco and giggled a lot, but he didn't really understand why they did this. The NERDS all agreed that girlies were dangerous unless they were barmaids or waitresses and were best avoided, especially if they were “proper” ramblers what with sat navs and stuff like that.

We came to a bridge

; the one where B.T. used to perform his acrobatic balancing act along the rail over the river. Fortunately he felt too old and fat to repeat this feat

even though we offered to film it for the benefit of the supermodels on his yacht. Poor things, they might have had to find another sugar daddy to bankroll them.

The meal in The Yew Tree was well up to standard and we got put into the back annex where there was plenty of room for us to sing, shout and tell jokes. We had been looking forward to seeing Pete and maybe getting a free drink, but alas he was allegedly out playing golf, not avoiding loud NERDS, as we all suspected. Neither was Froggy's (other) special friend there; the barmaid with the big tits. Maybe she had joined another rambling group to get her weight down. Hey, perhaps she'd joined the Darkside!

So, although the fare was good

, it had been a bit of a disappointment in The Yew Tree from a social point of view. However Froggy made yet more new friends with a fat couple who said they went out to lunch at a different pub every day. “ Do you go rambling as well?” asked Froggy. “ Not a chance.” they replied. “We wouldn't want to have to deal with all that walking, photo taking and write-up shit. Far better to just stuff our faces in comfort.” Matt thought this was such a good idea he made a mental note to start (yet another) NERDS spinoff club devoted to dining and witty conversation. Watch this space.
Back over the fields

we went

to The Berwick

. The fire was still going so we settled down for more witty conversation and more beer. The former was enlivened by Sandyball's enthusiastic account of his new book on how to commit suicide

in a clean and tasteful way. Something to give as a Christmas present to one's aging mother in law perhaps?

Our last stop was in the Runaway Cafe (again) where we made the aquaintance of Alice

the Barmaid who was standing in that day for the Ginger Marvel, and who was considerably younger and prettier than her colleague. Alice had that eager enthusism of youth whereby she drank in every thing we told her and actually believed Lafayette when he said he'd make her famous. NERDS and barmaids, what's this all about then? Anybody would think our wives don't understand us.

Well, it had been a ramble that was slightly less muddy than last month, and you are always guaranteed a good meal at The Yew Tree. Froggy had made some new, if somewhat dubious, friends, and it had been nice to see B.T. again, even if he didn't perform any death defying acrobatic feats for us. Next month we hope to see Bronco, possibly in the new re-vamped Anchor at Ringmer.





Bye bye from........Lafayette.

St. Patrick's Day Ramble

Dear NERDS,

Thursday 17th March - ie. next Thursday.

You already know the itinerary so I won't go into details - Lavender Lodge, Rottingdean, St Dunstan's, Brighton Marina, MacDonalds, Fiddlers Elbow, Wetherspoons etc.

Meet chez moi any time after 10 00hrs on the 17th and I shall be serving Jamesons as an aperitif.

Oh, and wear a lot of shitty green stuff.



Lafayette.

February's Exciting Ramble 2016

NERDS' Ramble No.315. Wed. 17th Feb. 2016.

Those Present – Lafayette, Froggy, Sandyballs, Matt,, The Bish.

Cury Clarke.

Back To Pete's.

Sandyballs needed inspiration

for a route this month. He was already looking ahead to the St Patrick's Day Ramble

, quickly followed by the “I'm here as a special Guest,” ramble which is when B.T. comes over. So what to do? Where to go? No problem we'll just recycle an old favourite and go round the reservoir to Pete's place (The Yew Tree) in Arlington.
Paco never turned up, of course, (probably hibernating)

but Matt rolled up in his new hat looking like a polish railway worker

. Very chic.Why couldn't he be prettier and look like a polish barmaid ?shucks! Anyway off we went to see the actual real, genuine, lovely blonde polish barmaid in the Runaway cafe on Lewes

station. Svetlana, for this was her name, always sighed sensuously when Lafayette would order a mocha coffee and asked her to put a brandy in it. Clearly she's a girl more used to lying naked, sipping vodka

enveloped in a bearskin on the steppes of central Europe – but I digress..........
The NERDS got the train to Berwick, closely following some nice girlie wearing stockings and a thigh tattoo (just like your mom did after the war) and sat down to work out a plan of action. When this came to nought they piled off the train with the Bish twisting his knee in this delicate operation, and went straight into The Berwick Inn

to see which Milf had taken over the place that month. It's an amazing fact that we come in here about every six months or so and there is always someone new in charge. Could be that they don't light the fire early enough, or the beer's off or there are too many frogs

in the garden, or the aliens have just put a curse on the place, but whatever it is there's never any other customers there but happily there's always a new milfy girlie there.
This one was rather unusual. A good six footer, she thrust our pints at us in a thrusty sort of way and Froggy immediately fell in love. The fire wasn't lit, and Lafayette didn't have Paco with him to get it going (see the Christmas Ramble). The place was cold and nipples

were beginning to harden so we drank up and resolved to face the outside world of freezing winds and boggy fields.
Sandyballs had warned us that there would be mud

, and, yes, there was lots of it. Sucky, sloppy, make sure you don't fall down in it type mud. We waded on. The Bish suffered; his poorly knee was clearly playing him up. We climbed a dangerous hill up to where you could see the reservoir and found ourselves confronted by an extremely muddy field containing a vast herd of excitable, wild horses

.What were we to do ? There was no going round them since the way forward was limited. So Lafayette put his faith in his own natural animal magnetism and climbed over the fence prepared to die for the sake of his companions. At this point the Bish, said he'd forgotten that Wednesday was when he usually washed his hair and turned round to limp back home.(No comment.)
Lafayette boldly strode forward, slosh, slosh, slosh. The wild horses rode towards him - thunder, thunder, thunder. A bloody tragedy looked inevitable

; the rest of the NERDS looked on anxiously wondering how they would break the news of Lafayette's heroic death to his poor weeping wife and children. But then, with a masterful gesture, Lafayette raised his hand and the charging hordes stopped. They weakened, and approached him submissively seeking a gift of apples or the like

. Lafayette smiled, he knew he had not been in danger, for who would dare to attack a member of The Holy NERDS!
Lafayette led his troops across the muddy field pausing only to deride the faithless cowardice of the Bish who by now was undoubtedly enjoying a sick day away from his rambling duties. The reservoir was approached and we all sang “Hey Delilah”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQIK3Te9Coo

Eventually we arrived at B.T. Bridge where our French member used to teeter along the parapet in the latter stages of rambles when he had enjoyed “ a good lunch.” Fortunately nobody was daft enough to try this today

, so we all crossed a stream,

through another field of miserable looking sheep, and we were in the lane that led to Pete's Pub.
The Yew Tree is a warm, cosy pub where rich pensioners with nothing else to do arrive in their hordes at about lunch time. The car park is always packed - not surprising since you're in the middle of the country – so the NERDS sat on the step and politely removed their boots

. Lafayette had thought ahead and put on his indoor sandels. Matt said he preferred to get his socks wet with urine when he went to the bog! Takes all sorts! Inside we all decided to have a roast, and knowing Pete's habit of giving you tons and tons of veg, this turned out to be a good decision. Lafayette had his usual Belgian chocolate icecream with a (small) bottle of Baileys, and resisted Sandyball's suggestion to repeat the exercise like he did once Christmas (Laf. likes icecream).
Peter himself emerged from the hinterland

and engaged us in conversation. He makes a very good host and almost remembers which one is Sandyballs and which one is Laf. After a general moan about the cost of expensive children and the profligacy of wives, Peter bought everyone a drink

and reminisced about the mad foreign one amongst us who used to sing and play the piano (badly). So we told him that Philby was dead and that the world was now a quieter place, and he was a little bit sad. We decided to arrange the second March ramble to come back to display B.T. to Peter to see if he remembered him, but in reality it was just cos we'd had such a good meal there we all wanted to go back. So now you know where you're going in March, Brian.
Since we'd all got fed and were mellow nobody wanted to brave the crappy fields or the ravaging Horses of the Apocolypse again, so we made our way back along the road. It was a lot safer and a lot less muddy. Of course we ended up in the Berwick Inn again and at least there was a fire to sit by. Matt produced some old photos of the NERDS taken about 1988

, and we all thought how handsome we looked in those days – but how much richer we were these days. Pity you can’t buy back youth with riches otherwise we'd all be broke.
And so a pleasant ramble and a good dinner which the Bish missed because of his cowardice and his poorly knee. Let's hope he gets better soon. Next ramble is St Paddy's when we welcome Dio back. He's not very Irish but he likes to go round and drink Guinness like in New York.
Nierdos Para Siempre.
Lafayette.

February 2016 Joining Instructions

This month we walk on Wednesday 17th. We will be revisiting an old favourite - the reservoir route from Berwick to Pete place - aka The Yew Tree.

Yes - again. Why not? Your Routemaster has to devise TWO Rambles for March - the 17th for the usual St Paddy's bash and the 23 rd for the BT special. Therefore I have had to fall back on a well-worn old favourite for this month

So Seaford/ Newhaven types take the 10.25 to Lewes where we will foregather at The Runaway Cafe prior to taking the 11.09 to Berwick. Maps will not be required but, to paraphrase the title of a Daniel Day-Lewis film, "There May Be MUD".

A visit to The Berwick Arms

cannot be ruled out.......







Sandyballs

Announcements

Dear All,


Just to confirm. The date for the
next Ramble will be Wednesday 17th.
Another item of news. My Katherine today (11th January 2016) produced our new grandchild. A girl this time - as yet unnamed.



Of course by the time she can legally have a drink she will, because of her gender, be ineligible to join the NERDS.



No matter that many of the present members could well be pushing up daisies by then. Perhaps she can apply to join the remnants of The Dark Side?



SB



PS David Bowie RIP

FEBRUARY RAMBLE 2016

After discussion with both of the other founder members, it has been decided to move the date of the ramble to Wednesday 17th. Hope this finds favour with at least some of you.

Details, as ever, to follow!

Sandyballs

Lafayette's reply

Thank you for your kind words about the prosecco and my skillful accounting arrangements.

Although I can make the 24th it comes the day after the next Darkside ramble (and I know how long and painful these can be) so could we either have a date earlier in the month or else a very short Feb ramble as I shall probably be feeling hung over and poorly?



Lafayette

February 2016 Preliminary joining instructions

I hope you all enjoyed the ramble yesterday.Thanks to Lafayette for the generous purchase of Prosecco.
Apart from the somewhat chaotic catering arrangements I think it all worked well. Maybe there would always be problems with a number of participants as large as 15.
Anyway NERDS agreed (I think) to have the February ramble on a Wednesday late in the month. 24th OK for everyone?

Sandyballs

January 2016 Ramble

NERDS' (joint) Ramble No. 314 - 6th Jan. 2016.



Those Present – (NERDS) – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt,

Paco, The Bish, Curly, Shaz, Dio.



Darksiders – Ed, Sheila, Jane, Roger, Marion, Dave.



The Joint Juggs Walk.



This was Lafayette's January walk and he was determined it would be shortish – as opposed to the marathon walks often organised by Darksider, Ed. The NERDS don't really care how far they ramble these days as long as there's a drink at the end of it; in fact for them - in view of advancing age, arthritis, bad chests and no prostates, often the shorter the better. (except for Dio

, of course, who is still disgustingly young).

Lafayette gave all those coming from a distance an extra hour in bed by starting from Lewes at after 11 00hrs, but when he led the NERDS into the Runaway cafe to await the London train he met two bleary eyed Darksiders, Ed

and Jane

, who had got there before everyone else. Were they a secret couple? They both vehemently denied this. No, Jane had simply just got a different train from what was expected, and Ed had probably been up since 4 o'clock doing his own 20 mile preparatory walk to keep up his own high standards of exercise.

After a bit of hanging around, the train came in from the North, and there was a lot of kissy kissy stuff among the Darksiders while the NERDS sat apart somewhat embarassed at all this emotive behaviour. However the more uninhibited NERDs managed to do a bit of kissy-kissy with Shaz

, who is after all an adopted NERD and likes a bit of kissy-kissy now and again.

Lafayette gathered them all up and proceeded down the road with a plan. He intended to stop after about 300 yards and take everybody into the Kings Head

in Southover for a quick pitstop.

Unfortunately the barmaid put up some legal impediment to this, saying it was not yet twelve o'clock (even though the pub was opened and licensed) and she was too young to serve beer before noon. I bet they don't have this trouble in the Baltic States where most of the Lewes barmaids come from. Imagine refusing to serve a dozen or so thirsty labouring Slavs

who might come piling in demanding a drink. There'd be a riot. Anyway Lafayette looked at her threateningly and said they'd all be back in due course whereupon he hoped she might have got her act together.

On, on, we went through Southover, under a waterlogged bridge, and round the path

skirting the Rugby Club. The weather for once this winter was not pissing down with rain; in fact it was bright sunny and pleasant. The NERDS began to fraternise with the Darksiders (although they drew the line at kissy-kissy stuff) and things were going reasonably well. Lafayette decided to go on the tarmac version of his walk since he knew the surrounding fields were sodden, but this didn't matter because the walk towards Kingston was pleasant and ruralish anyway.

Soon we all rocked up to The Juggs

where we were to take lunch. This pub is all low beams and open fireplaces. It comes into its own especially during the summer months when people sit outside to eat in its pleasant gardens and the sparrows zoom in to share your meal. Anyway we all piled in, thirsty by now, and managed to get a drink since this barman was old enough to service our requirements.

After he had gone off to inspect the dining arrangements Lafayette returned to the bar and was disturbed to find that somebody had agreed to put all the food and all the drinks on to one massive tab. Lafayette smelled future trouble here. We were dealing with two rambling groups with two separate systems of paying for drinks, with people having starters , not having starters, people who were mean with their money people who weren't drinking at all etc, ie. when it came to paying it was going to be total chaos. Still, he thought, after a few drinks I certainly won't care and I expect it'll all work out in the end.

To calm everyone down Lafayette ordered a few bottles of Prosecco

(paid for by himself – just in case you thought it had gone on the tab - to celebrate his birthday of two days previously) and this seemed to mellow everyone a bit. Darksiders especially like prosecco, or should I say that Ed likes buying prosecco for Darksiders – it's always somebody's birthday after all.

Then came the meal, and it must be said the food was very, very, good indeed ( except perhaps Marion's

vegetarian cauliflower sausages which she said tasted of nothing at all). The NERDS got stuck into the food and the Rioja and learned that poor Sheila had undertaken a New Year's pledge to eschew all drink in favour of water for a month to help all the poor orphans in Syria or the starving donkeys in Serbia or something. Very noble but not a good idea when faced with a large rambling occasion. Lafayette was sure that the poor little donkeys

would be grateful to know that Sheila was thinking about them!

Finally the bill arrived, and yes it caused utter mayhem. Lafayette found he was surrounded by a lot of arguing voices, a lot of banknotes and a lot of females giving him advice on how to proceed. Such fun! However he kept his cool and found there was enough to cover everything including a reasonable tip. By this time he'd drunk so much prosecco and rioja that he didn't give a damn anyway.

And so we left The Juggs and wandered through Kingston to get on the path back to Lewes. We went up a steep hill, passed a white windmill

and over a fairly muddy plain to descend into the town. Sandyballs had a sudden senior moment and declared he was lost, which was pretty funny really considering he actually lives in Lewes and was only about a mile from his house.

Lafayette managed to navigate enerringly back by striking out towards the nearest pub – The Swan at Southover

- where there seemed to be some party going on which involved a lot of small kids screaming and running around our feet.. It was at this point that a lot of people who had trains to catch bailed out and went home. Meanwhile the Last Men Standing stayed and tried to drink each other under the table. (This was, of course, Ed, Lafayette and Shaz – although Dio was there but he didn't count since he was only drinking coca cola).

Shaz then peeled off and staggered back to the station leaving only Ed, Lafayette and Dio to go to the Kings Head to berate the former barmaid and demand a drink now it was past twelve o'clock. (They got one).

And so the latest joint ramble wound up. The weather had been good and everyone seemed to have enjoyed themselves. Lafayette had got a nice card and birthday present from Sheila and nobody had fallen out with anyone else (quite an achievement for the NERDS) We missed Bronco who had been ill that day and wish him a speedy recovery from his cold.

And so to the next NERDS outing which is some time in February.

Lets hope since it's just the NERDS there won't be any kissy-kissy this time. ( especially from you, Matt) so see you all whenever.



Love to all.

Lafayette.

6th January 2016 Ramble joining instructions

Dear NERDS and Darksiders,

The next ramble/walk will be on the above date beginning at Lewes at 11 30hrs

approx.

NERDS get the Seaford train

at 10 57 hrs arriving in Lewes at 11 12 hrs.

Darksiders take the train from Victoria

which arrives in Lewes at 11 24hrs.



NOW, Food

I have informed The Juggs Kingston

that we shall be lunching there at 13 00 hrs.

They would like us to specify our choices beforehand: (starter and main course only to be chosen - if you want both, desserts can be chosen on the day.)

Can I ask you all therefore to Google The Juggs Kingston: http://www.shepherdneame.co.uk/pubs/lewes/juggs, go to their menu and send your choices to me. I shall then forward them to the pub.

Please let me have your choices as soon as you can.

Hope you all had a drunken Christmas.



Lafayette/Charlie