THE NERDS. Ramble No.256 - 14.2.11.

Those Present - Lafayette, Sandyballs, Froggy, the Bish, Dio.

Saint Patrick’s Day Ramble.

B.T. wanted this write-up done in big, big format this month so that he could get all Froggy’s photos in; so here goes. Personally Lafayette thought it looked like something out of those Enid Blyton books for those learning to read, and it brought back memories of sitting up a corner at Infants’ School trying to read stories about Noddy and the Wicked Golliwogs. Not a lot different from being in the S.E.A. at TN3 then really.

But to the ramble. There was a notable absence of regulars this month; Paco’s brother (does he have a brother?) was poorly so he couldn’t come. Matt was having his 59^th lavatory installed so was hanging round the house waiting for men to turn up - as usual. B.T. was lying around in France, one hand on a glass of pastis, the other poised over his computer waiting for notification from the U. K. that the NERDS had done something earth shattering (fat chance!) but we did have Matrix Man Dio who specialises in urban rambles (usually around Brighton) and the return of the Bish who had given up a life of ease and small boat sailing to rejoin the fold. ( No word from Captain Haddock; he was probably off somewhere sailing his big boat). So a quorum at least and we all met round Lafayette’s Lavender Lodge to celebrate St. Patrick.

Froggy had thoughtfully provided a Bottle of Jamesons for the occasion and since Lafayette had been down to Lidl and got a bottle of cheapo pocheen there would have to be a comparative tasting. This all went quite well together with the cabaret act by some Irish women on Lafayette’s computer singing the praises of Ryan Air.

Lafayette had even put the milk for the coffee in a little jug since it was a special occasion (Take note, Matt!). [What! No cream, Lafayette.]

Anyway some hours later Lafayette reminded Sandyballs that nice as it was lolling around his subterranean den they had all come together for the serious business of celebrating St. Patrick, and shouldn’t they be out drinking somewhere else?

Everyone piled out of Lafayette’s on to the pavement for a Froggy photo session and then began to proceed to the bus stop in a leisurely way until suddenly overtaken by the very bus we wanted, the NERDS broke into a mad sprint ( at least Lafayette did ). Fortunately everyone managed to get on board and Froggy treated everyone on the top deck to a loud account of his sex life in the seventies until to their relief we disembarked at Rottingdean.

The NERDS tramped around finding interesting pubs that hadn’t opened yet and skirting duck ponds. Then we began to climb the Downs out of Rottingdean. Up and up and up we went waving hello to all the blind people in St Dunstan’s who came out on their balconies to cheer, shortly after followed by all the girlies at Roedean who had never seen a NERD before and were hoping one might be a prince they could possibly marry. (Kissing frogs is probably a safer bet).

Down, down we went past some patriot who had installed a large Irish Flag in his garden, past the East Brighton Golf Club that Sandyballs was absolutely gagging to join, and on, on to Brighton Marina where we thought we might get a cheap lunch at Wetherspoons. The latter, of course was full of Old Gits (cheap, you see) and finally when Lafayette had blagged a table near the window to see the boats, we had a good, cheap lunch and a few beers. Sandyballs bought himself one of those daft, green, leprechaun hats that make you feel Irish (even though you were born in Portsmouth ). Dio looked on bemused and said St. Patrick celebrations in NYC were about twenty million times bigger than over here because on that day everbody thought they were Irish.

Since the Bish was approaching his 70^th birthday he decided after lunch that he was a really Old Git and was going to bottle out of the rest of the ramble so that he could go home for a bit of a snooze. The rest of the NERDS left him at the Marina and took a bus right into the centre of Brighton in search of St Paddy’s pubs. Of course just about every pub in Brighton had put up green decorations, was selling silly hats and charging inordinately high prices for glasses of Guinness.

However the NERDS eventually found their way to The Fiddlers Elbow, an allegedly genuine Irish pub which was chocker block with people dressed up in green stuff getting pissed and being friendly.

We stood outside with our pints in plastic glasses and were engaged in conversation by one (reasonably) sober but certainly Irish denizen of Dublin who had come over for a few days. He was soon joined by what we thought was his mate, although they apparently didn’t know each other at all. This one was pissed out of his head although still friendly, and insisted he showed us his lack of teeth and lack of one of his fingers caused, he reckoned , by fighting. There was certainly some good craic going on at this pub but nevertheless since it was a bit packed we moved on.

The NERDS ended up in the Viceroy, Sandyball’s favourite Brighton pub, where the service was very friendly but a bit slow when we got around to asking for Irish coffees. Froggy got himself a free daft bastard leprechaun hat and had a photo modelling session with Sandyballs, looking together like the Jonas Brothers trying to hide their hair. Lafayette saw a bit of blue sky outside the window and dragged everyone outside to sit at a table in the freezing cold. The sight of lots of people staggering past dressed outrageously and having a good time was entertaining and Lafayette got into a conversation with a girl at the next table who said she’d been pissed since she got up. St Paddy was certainly weaving his magic that day.

And so that was probably the end of the ramble. The NERDS had even done a bit of walking but that hadn’t actually been the point of that day’s outing. Those who didn’t come missed out on a great time; let’s hope that B.T. who is the only NERD who was born in Ireland managed to celebrate St Paddy’s in a suitably riotous way.

Next ramble in a fortnight on April Fool’s Day

- should be fun. Love from Lafayette.