Wednesday, March 17, 2010
February's Ramble
In view of the derth of any photographs appearing from the budding photographers who attended the ramble, here are some I took earlier.
Monday, March 01, 2010
NERDS’ Ramble No. 243 - 24/2/10.
Those Present - Sandyballs, Lafayette, El Paco, Cuddles Crowe.
The Ramble When Most people Were Ill.
As you may guess from the title most of the NERDS were suffering from various lurgies this month. Pride of place went to Froggy who was allegedly producing projectile vomiting from both ends - had to be dramatic didn’t it? Then there was Sandyballs who was snivelling into his handkerchief and taking (pharmecutical) drugs, but at least had the good grace to attend; Matt was having his lavatory rearranged and Bronco, well poor Bronco was always ill - couldn’t walk and couldn’t drink. So to produce a quorum of at least three Lafayette had to go out recruiting.
First off he rang El Paco who for once seemed to be aware that a ramble was actually taking place, then he got hold of Cuddles Crowe from the Islamabad Hash and Grand Imperial Wizard of Her Majesty’s Border Control (Northern France Division). B. T. said he was washing his hair that day and in any case it was a long way to travel.
So, this motley crew rolled up at Lavender Lodge chez Lafayette and having finished off all his calvados immediately began wacking into the Morgans Spiced Rum and choccy biscuits. The day began with Cuddles giving a vitriolic presentation on Brodie Clarke C.B.E. devil incarnate and destroyer of H.M. Immi Border Agency thingy.
The discussion got quite heated and ranty and El Paco and Lafayette sat on the sideline giggling and counting their huge pensions while the other two vented their spleens and their worries.
Finally somebody noticed a glimmer of yellow outside the window and we all dashed outside to take advantage of this unusual weather phenomenom. It was too late by now to ramble over the cliffs to The Badgers’Watch (original plan) so Lafayette led everyone on his favourite route round the back of Parker Pen and past the muddy allotments of Newhaven’s hinterland. Due to the amount of moaning and wingeing about muddy feet from everyone Lafayette wondered if they knew what the first principles of NERDS’ rambling were (apart from no pooftahs and no women) ie. get everybody shitty. Nevertheless we all ploughed on towards the Wetlands and Bird Sanctuary.
It seems to be a well known fact that middle aged men all find TV weather girls very attractive and Cuddles preferred the dusky charms of that Nazaneen to the more mature attractions of that blonde Carole as advocated by Sandyballs and Lafayette.
Again the discussion got heated but in a more pleasant way, and the advantages of Nazaneen’s ample bum were compared to the beaming smile and upper body parts of Miss. Kirkwood. The contest was declared a draw as we wound our way past lots of ducks and things sitting on ponds recently augmented by the winter rains.
Eventually we ended up in The Flying Fish at Denton (as opposed to The Laughing Fish at Isfield) and found to our delight that rumours of the landlady’s sudden demise
(as spread by Sandyballs) were totally false. More to the point, her husband, a French chef, was still alive and cooking. Good job as well because the pub suddenly started to fill up with large parties of real ramblers and the dreaded , dithering Old Trouts so hated by The Frogster.
The pub started to resemble Piccadilly Circus on a Saturday afternoon - lucky that the
Important People (NERDS) had managed to get in relatively early and get their food. This, as might be expected from a French Chef was pretty good, and the beer although somewhat unusual, being either red or green from Shepherd Neame (somewhere in Kent) was definitely OK. However the noise and dithering of the Old Trouts finally got on our nerves so Lafayette took everyone out and back to their comfort zone of chez Bob at The Engineer.
The Engineer has strange opening hours (as we all know) but that day it opened at 3pm which is usually when the NERDS are chucked out of one pub and have nowhere to go. The usual fat barmaid - one of Bob’s offspring - greeted us effusively since we were the only customers, while Sandyballs handed over the whip purse to Lafayette which the latter had tried to abandon in the last pub. (This purse has a mind of its own, it must be said, it empties itself of money when no-one is looking and loses itself in whatever pub we happen to be in).
Anyway, after a few scoops Sandyballs thought it would be a good idea to ring up Mrs Sandyballs, who was teaching round the corner, and invite her to the pub for a drink, thereby scoring himself a lift home.This seemed to work just as El Paco was casting terrible aspersions on the NERDS by saying we should get hold of ski poles to walk properly and take things seriously. What a load of old bollocks. He was told in no uncertain terms that if he wanted to start a splinter group of his own that was fine by us!
Cuddles thought at this stage it might be a wheeze to lure his own wife down to the Engineer to get taken home but he kept getting text messages ordering him to report back sofort to chez Lafayette or the Gestapo would get him. Guiltily he slunk off while Lafayette took El Paco home to sober up before the long trip back to Seaford
It had been an interesting ramble and the weather had given us a little window of sunshine in all the recent winter’s shite. It had been nice to meet up with Cuddles again and we hoped his wife had not beaten him with her rubber truncheon too much. Let’s hope all the regular NERDS stop their projectile vomiting and such like before next time so that we can get back on track.
Los Nierdos Para Siempre!
Lafayette.
Those Present - Sandyballs, Lafayette, El Paco, Cuddles Crowe.
The Ramble When Most people Were Ill.
As you may guess from the title most of the NERDS were suffering from various lurgies this month. Pride of place went to Froggy who was allegedly producing projectile vomiting from both ends - had to be dramatic didn’t it? Then there was Sandyballs who was snivelling into his handkerchief and taking (pharmecutical) drugs, but at least had the good grace to attend; Matt was having his lavatory rearranged and Bronco, well poor Bronco was always ill - couldn’t walk and couldn’t drink. So to produce a quorum of at least three Lafayette had to go out recruiting.
First off he rang El Paco who for once seemed to be aware that a ramble was actually taking place, then he got hold of Cuddles Crowe from the Islamabad Hash and Grand Imperial Wizard of Her Majesty’s Border Control (Northern France Division). B. T. said he was washing his hair that day and in any case it was a long way to travel.
So, this motley crew rolled up at Lavender Lodge chez Lafayette and having finished off all his calvados immediately began wacking into the Morgans Spiced Rum and choccy biscuits. The day began with Cuddles giving a vitriolic presentation on Brodie Clarke C.B.E. devil incarnate and destroyer of H.M. Immi Border Agency thingy.
The discussion got quite heated and ranty and El Paco and Lafayette sat on the sideline giggling and counting their huge pensions while the other two vented their spleens and their worries.
Finally somebody noticed a glimmer of yellow outside the window and we all dashed outside to take advantage of this unusual weather phenomenom. It was too late by now to ramble over the cliffs to The Badgers’Watch (original plan) so Lafayette led everyone on his favourite route round the back of Parker Pen and past the muddy allotments of Newhaven’s hinterland. Due to the amount of moaning and wingeing about muddy feet from everyone Lafayette wondered if they knew what the first principles of NERDS’ rambling were (apart from no pooftahs and no women) ie. get everybody shitty. Nevertheless we all ploughed on towards the Wetlands and Bird Sanctuary.
It seems to be a well known fact that middle aged men all find TV weather girls very attractive and Cuddles preferred the dusky charms of that Nazaneen to the more mature attractions of that blonde Carole as advocated by Sandyballs and Lafayette.
Again the discussion got heated but in a more pleasant way, and the advantages of Nazaneen’s ample bum were compared to the beaming smile and upper body parts of Miss. Kirkwood. The contest was declared a draw as we wound our way past lots of ducks and things sitting on ponds recently augmented by the winter rains.
Eventually we ended up in The Flying Fish at Denton (as opposed to The Laughing Fish at Isfield) and found to our delight that rumours of the landlady’s sudden demise
(as spread by Sandyballs) were totally false. More to the point, her husband, a French chef, was still alive and cooking. Good job as well because the pub suddenly started to fill up with large parties of real ramblers and the dreaded , dithering Old Trouts so hated by The Frogster.
The pub started to resemble Piccadilly Circus on a Saturday afternoon - lucky that the
Important People (NERDS) had managed to get in relatively early and get their food. This, as might be expected from a French Chef was pretty good, and the beer although somewhat unusual, being either red or green from Shepherd Neame (somewhere in Kent) was definitely OK. However the noise and dithering of the Old Trouts finally got on our nerves so Lafayette took everyone out and back to their comfort zone of chez Bob at The Engineer.
The Engineer has strange opening hours (as we all know) but that day it opened at 3pm which is usually when the NERDS are chucked out of one pub and have nowhere to go. The usual fat barmaid - one of Bob’s offspring - greeted us effusively since we were the only customers, while Sandyballs handed over the whip purse to Lafayette which the latter had tried to abandon in the last pub. (This purse has a mind of its own, it must be said, it empties itself of money when no-one is looking and loses itself in whatever pub we happen to be in).
Anyway, after a few scoops Sandyballs thought it would be a good idea to ring up Mrs Sandyballs, who was teaching round the corner, and invite her to the pub for a drink, thereby scoring himself a lift home.This seemed to work just as El Paco was casting terrible aspersions on the NERDS by saying we should get hold of ski poles to walk properly and take things seriously. What a load of old bollocks. He was told in no uncertain terms that if he wanted to start a splinter group of his own that was fine by us!
Cuddles thought at this stage it might be a wheeze to lure his own wife down to the Engineer to get taken home but he kept getting text messages ordering him to report back sofort to chez Lafayette or the Gestapo would get him. Guiltily he slunk off while Lafayette took El Paco home to sober up before the long trip back to Seaford
It had been an interesting ramble and the weather had given us a little window of sunshine in all the recent winter’s shite. It had been nice to meet up with Cuddles again and we hoped his wife had not beaten him with her rubber truncheon too much. Let’s hope all the regular NERDS stop their projectile vomiting and such like before next time so that we can get back on track.
Los Nierdos Para Siempre!
Lafayette.
Monday, February 22, 2010
February Ramble
Hail fellow Nerds,
As you all must know, the next ramble is set for this Wednesday 24th. Joining instructions are that we meet at the Purple Palace in Meeching Road at about 10 -ish. Many thanks again to Lafayette. The ramble destination depends on several factors - principally the weather. Hey, we may not ramble anywhere - it depends on how the whim takes us. We may just hang around on a Seaford street corner and beat up any Cords members which may pass by!
Another date for your diary. We have provisionally booked the March ramble for Wednesday 24th - same date as this month's. Anybody got any problems with the date ( apart from BT - but who threatens to join us for April)?
When we reach a hostelry I would like to talk seriously about the New Forest ramble in June.
Sandyballs
As you all must know, the next ramble is set for this Wednesday 24th. Joining instructions are that we meet at the Purple Palace in Meeching Road at about 10 -ish. Many thanks again to Lafayette. The ramble destination depends on several factors - principally the weather. Hey, we may not ramble anywhere - it depends on how the whim takes us. We may just hang around on a Seaford street corner and beat up any Cords members which may pass by!
Another date for your diary. We have provisionally booked the March ramble for Wednesday 24th - same date as this month's. Anybody got any problems with the date ( apart from BT - but who threatens to join us for April)?
When we reach a hostelry I would like to talk seriously about the New Forest ramble in June.
Sandyballs
Monday, February 15, 2010
Valentine's Ramble?
Next Ramble is on the 24th of February meeting in Newhaven. I'm sure the weather will be fine and balmy.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Janiary 2010s First Ramble - at last
N.E.R.D.S’ Ramble No 242 - 28/01/10.
The Ramble that Paco forgot.
Those Present - El Paco (Yes, really), Lafayette, Sandyballs, Froggy, Matt,
& Captain Haddock.
This was a rearranged ramble because of snow earlier in the month. The evening before, Lafayette thought it might be a good idea to ring up Paco to make sure he knew what his Nerding responsibilities were. However before he could get a word out Paco launched into an apologetic tirade about how sorry he was to have missed last week’s ramble cos he’d felt a bit poorly and how he promised faithfully to attend the next one - Grovel, grovel. Lafayette observed drily that actually he would have his chance the next day because obviously he’d got his dates muddled up (again).
Anyway, the next day Lafayette was waiting for a train at Newhaven station, amusing himself by reading Racine or something, when all of a sudden he was jerked out of his intellectual revery by the arrival of a scruffy looking individual hiding behind a blondish/greyish beard who looked vaguely familiar. Lafayette’s heart skipped a beat, his copy of French classical literature slid to the floor, “ Aaah,no, the bastard hasn’t come back to haunt me.” he thought, but on taking a closer look it turned out to be The Admiral who was obviously spending his retirement growing facial hair in a vain attempt to resemble his dead Belgian hero .
The Admiral and Lafayette boarded the 10. 35 to meet most of the rest of the NERDS
and travelled to Lewes to be picked up by Herr Generalissimo Routemeister, Sandyballs. The latter took one look at the Admiral, screamed loudly and said “God , you look just like Captain Haddock.” - and so the name stuck.
The NERDS trailed through Lewes, trying to look middle class and respectable (all except Sandyballs who liked to think of himself as being working class even though he did actually live there), and fetched up in ‘ Le Magasin’, a pretentious coffee house in Cliffe High Street. Over lattes and coffee mochas (see, I told you it was pretentious) Froggy told some dubious tale of how Bob at the Engineer used to leer at him and stroke his ‘Mr. Woody’ whenever Froggy walked into the pub. Matt rather liked this idea and resolved to go to see Bob more frequently.
To everyone’s dismay it was found that nobody had brought the whip with them. Everybody vaguely remembered that Lafayette had confiscated it from Froggy at the Christmas ramble when the latter had left the purse in the pub, but Lafayette couldn’t for the life of him remember where he had put it back at home. He fervently hoped he had put it in one of his fabulous Mughal copper pots - the one he usually kept his yellow embark cards in. And so El Paco paid for this round and claimed the money back later.
Finally we got to rambling.The route wended past Tesco’s, along the banks of
The Mighty Ouse in the direction of Hamsey. Underfoot it was muddy, very muddy and Routemeister covered his back against any compensation claims by alleging he had spelt out all the potential hazards in his joining instructions. Nobody took any notice of that but all secretly hoped Sandyballs would be the one to slip off the bank into the river.
Matt said provocatively that his other group never cancelled because of the weather, and Lafayette said that was because they were a lazy bunch of C***S who never actually went outside a pub (and who were aptly named after their stupid trousers.) The mud continued, we slipped and slid and eventually headed for the church at Hamsey where Sandyballs said he wanted to show us something spooky in the churchyard.
Just at this point we met up with a couple of ladies who also liked to get up to nefarious activities in dodgy graveyards. We didn’t get their names (Philby would have certainly done so) but Sandy balls dragged everyone over to some old, mouldering headstone which related how about four members of the same family managed to die in the same year. Either their dad was a serial killer who got fed up with his daughters coming to him for yet more money, lifts, jewellery etc or else they’d all died of starvation unaware that there was a branch of Waitrose not far off.
The ladies were both very impressed with Sandyballs’ conspiracy theories and headed off back to their car.
Some time after, just as the NERDS were heading in the direction of Oafham (sic) and thinking of foaming pints, Lafayette , Paco and Matt stumbled across the two ladies again. The attractive blonde one spontaneously began to tell Lafayette her whole life story - must have thought he had a sympathetic face - that she was a widow, had to look after two teenage boys and somebody’s grandpa, that she didn’t get out much and did he have lady members in his rambling group? Lafayette said that regretfully women only came rarely on NERDS’ rambles and then only in exceptional circumstances. (Like if they were shaggable like her ). Just then the others dragged Lafayette away before lust really took over and Sandyballs accused him of outrageous
pussymongering.“ Nonsense,” said Lafayette, “ Attractive widows need to be encouraged; you never know when you might need one.”
Anyway, on, on to the Chalk Pit Pub where the food and drink was found to be good and where the barmaid explained to us the intricacies of the Lewes Open Toad Playing Championships (yawn). Every body had a go but just succeeded in making an unholy racket in the pub and disturbing all the other diners. We missed Bronco and his large appetite here and wondered what he was getting up to. Plans were hatched for a trip to the New Forest although Matt said he didn’t want to come because he was having an exclusive 70th birthday party for people like Mike Clarke , and of course,the C***S.
Then things began to get a bit vague after most of the NERDS went off home leaving Sandyballs and Lafayette to drink rum and coke and poke the fire in the Lewes Arms.
It had been an eventful ramble and we hoped that Bronco and B.T. could join us in the near future.
So keep on NERDING and death to all other spurious groups. Lafayette.
The Ramble that Paco forgot.
Those Present - El Paco (Yes, really), Lafayette, Sandyballs, Froggy, Matt,
& Captain Haddock.
This was a rearranged ramble because of snow earlier in the month. The evening before, Lafayette thought it might be a good idea to ring up Paco to make sure he knew what his Nerding responsibilities were. However before he could get a word out Paco launched into an apologetic tirade about how sorry he was to have missed last week’s ramble cos he’d felt a bit poorly and how he promised faithfully to attend the next one - Grovel, grovel. Lafayette observed drily that actually he would have his chance the next day because obviously he’d got his dates muddled up (again).
Anyway, the next day Lafayette was waiting for a train at Newhaven station, amusing himself by reading Racine or something, when all of a sudden he was jerked out of his intellectual revery by the arrival of a scruffy looking individual hiding behind a blondish/greyish beard who looked vaguely familiar. Lafayette’s heart skipped a beat, his copy of French classical literature slid to the floor, “ Aaah,no, the bastard hasn’t come back to haunt me.” he thought, but on taking a closer look it turned out to be The Admiral who was obviously spending his retirement growing facial hair in a vain attempt to resemble his dead Belgian hero .
The Admiral and Lafayette boarded the 10. 35 to meet most of the rest of the NERDS
and travelled to Lewes to be picked up by Herr Generalissimo Routemeister, Sandyballs. The latter took one look at the Admiral, screamed loudly and said “God , you look just like Captain Haddock.” - and so the name stuck.
The NERDS trailed through Lewes, trying to look middle class and respectable (all except Sandyballs who liked to think of himself as being working class even though he did actually live there), and fetched up in ‘ Le Magasin’, a pretentious coffee house in Cliffe High Street. Over lattes and coffee mochas (see, I told you it was pretentious) Froggy told some dubious tale of how Bob at the Engineer used to leer at him and stroke his ‘Mr. Woody’ whenever Froggy walked into the pub. Matt rather liked this idea and resolved to go to see Bob more frequently.
To everyone’s dismay it was found that nobody had brought the whip with them. Everybody vaguely remembered that Lafayette had confiscated it from Froggy at the Christmas ramble when the latter had left the purse in the pub, but Lafayette couldn’t for the life of him remember where he had put it back at home. He fervently hoped he had put it in one of his fabulous Mughal copper pots - the one he usually kept his yellow embark cards in. And so El Paco paid for this round and claimed the money back later.
Finally we got to rambling.The route wended past Tesco’s, along the banks of
The Mighty Ouse in the direction of Hamsey. Underfoot it was muddy, very muddy and Routemeister covered his back against any compensation claims by alleging he had spelt out all the potential hazards in his joining instructions. Nobody took any notice of that but all secretly hoped Sandyballs would be the one to slip off the bank into the river.
Matt said provocatively that his other group never cancelled because of the weather, and Lafayette said that was because they were a lazy bunch of C***S who never actually went outside a pub (and who were aptly named after their stupid trousers.) The mud continued, we slipped and slid and eventually headed for the church at Hamsey where Sandyballs said he wanted to show us something spooky in the churchyard.
Just at this point we met up with a couple of ladies who also liked to get up to nefarious activities in dodgy graveyards. We didn’t get their names (Philby would have certainly done so) but Sandy balls dragged everyone over to some old, mouldering headstone which related how about four members of the same family managed to die in the same year. Either their dad was a serial killer who got fed up with his daughters coming to him for yet more money, lifts, jewellery etc or else they’d all died of starvation unaware that there was a branch of Waitrose not far off.
The ladies were both very impressed with Sandyballs’ conspiracy theories and headed off back to their car.
Some time after, just as the NERDS were heading in the direction of Oafham (sic) and thinking of foaming pints, Lafayette , Paco and Matt stumbled across the two ladies again. The attractive blonde one spontaneously began to tell Lafayette her whole life story - must have thought he had a sympathetic face - that she was a widow, had to look after two teenage boys and somebody’s grandpa, that she didn’t get out much and did he have lady members in his rambling group? Lafayette said that regretfully women only came rarely on NERDS’ rambles and then only in exceptional circumstances. (Like if they were shaggable like her ). Just then the others dragged Lafayette away before lust really took over and Sandyballs accused him of outrageous
pussymongering.“ Nonsense,” said Lafayette, “ Attractive widows need to be encouraged; you never know when you might need one.”
Anyway, on, on to the Chalk Pit Pub where the food and drink was found to be good and where the barmaid explained to us the intricacies of the Lewes Open Toad Playing Championships (yawn). Every body had a go but just succeeded in making an unholy racket in the pub and disturbing all the other diners. We missed Bronco and his large appetite here and wondered what he was getting up to. Plans were hatched for a trip to the New Forest although Matt said he didn’t want to come because he was having an exclusive 70th birthday party for people like Mike Clarke , and of course,the C***S.
Then things began to get a bit vague after most of the NERDS went off home leaving Sandyballs and Lafayette to drink rum and coke and poke the fire in the Lewes Arms.
It had been an eventful ramble and we hoped that Bronco and B.T. could join us in the near future.
So keep on NERDING and death to all other spurious groups. Lafayette.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Rearranged Ramble for January 2010
For the first time in history we were forced to abandon a Ramble because of weather this month. However, nil desperandum, the event has been rearranged to Thursday 28th. same route, same time - so the 10.25 from Seaford,etc. Let us see what the Almighty decides to send us for weather - Religious Advisor to do the needful, please.
We may as well think about the February Ramble. How about Wednesday 24th, for example. Anyone got problems with that?
See you all at Lewes station on 28/1.
Sandyballs
We may as well think about the February Ramble. How about Wednesday 24th, for example. Anyone got problems with that?
See you all at Lewes station on 28/1.
Sandyballs
Saturday, January 09, 2010
January Ramble posponed
Thw first ramble of the year was cancelled due to inclement weather and Sandyballs's toe. We await with baited breath when it will be reconvened at a date suitable. Is the year 2010 the year Sandyballs's direct catholic line to the creator is terminated or will the weather just improve!
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
1st Ramble of 2010
First puting for 2010 is on 6.1.2010 and commences from Lewes Station. Read your joing instructions for the full information. Have a super time 'you all' and hopefully you will not get snowed in until after you reach the pub.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
The Christmas Ramble 2009
N.E.R.D.S.’ Christmas Ramble, No. 241.
Wednesday 9th December 2009.
Those Present - Lafayette, Sandyballs, Froggy, Muscles Matt, Bronco, B.T.,
The Admiral, & El Paco.
Christmas reunion, the gathering of the NERDS clan - old faces, even older faces and some bloody ugly faces as well. Matt had recently returned from Dublin where it had been so expensive to even look into a tea shop let alone keep up with the high social standards there. The recession hadn’t, however, stopped The Admiral from rolling up in his posh, white BMW only rivalled by Sandyballs who had got himself a brand new Vauxhall Astra by selling Flintoff to child slavers in Morocco. (Doesn’t all that baby sitting just so get on your nerves?). B.T. had made a second sortie back from the Pyrenees where he had left behind his new life of hunting, shooting, fishing and shagging the President’s wife (god, she’s a slapper that Italian bitch), and Paco, well Paco had been forced out by his charming daughter who needed to put the budgie on the clothes line and beat the secondary cigar smoke out of its lungs.
The first dispute began on Berwick station where Lafayette accused Sandyballs of having stolen his yellow and black Rupert Bear scarf some time ago to reintroduce it in a pathetic attempt to rival the bit of green rag which Philby habitually wore round his neck. Sandyballs bristled at being compared sartorially to the lowly Belgian (well, you would, wouldn’t you?) and said huffily that he had always admired Rupert Bear anyway. Froggy assuaged the situation by bringing out his hip flask and thereby turning both Matt and Lafayette into life long fans of Sailor Jerry’s Rum (yum, yum!)
The route led along a cycle path to The Cricketers, a well known Sussex pub famed for its promotion of the game of Toads (Hence the name) and Harvey’s beer. Sandyballs and Lafayette had sussed out this pub during one of the preceding weeks and had both managed to get smashed on Bonfire Boy (No. Matt, not what you’re thinking…it‘s a drink). Today the place seemed to be full of nubile barmaids warming their backsides by the Christmas fire so Froggy tried to impress them by waving his orang- utang teeshirt about and saying it was almost an extinct species. Paco said he was wearing a Che Guevara teeshirt who himself was an extinct species on account of the fact he was dead. B.T.pricked up his ears at this and wondered about investing in a load of teeshirts with Philby on the front…..
Sandyballs whipped everybody outside as time was marching on and the Christmas dinner was waiting. We headed along the Old Coach Road where in days of yore highway men had roamed and virgins had lost their…..I- pods. Today, however , it was just shitty, murky and drizzly. Seasonal presents were discussed. Froggy said he hadn’t had sex for months so he’d bought Mrs. Froggy some stuffing for Christmas. Matt said he should have got her a digital pen for the modern librarian on the go. He’s so thoughtful, isn’t he?
After a lot of… er walking we arrived at the Barley Mow at Selmeston where lunch was to take place. The last time we had been here was absolutely ages ago when the Mystery Guest had been sweet Emma Ryan in a big, daft hat (someone still has the photos somewhere). According to Sandyballs’ researches she has now grown up and is teaching flamenco dancing in Spain in an attempt to regain her language allowance.
Who was today’s Mystery Guest then ? Well funnily enough on entering the Barley Mow we all fell over Bronco who had skived out of the ramble and was sitting there enjoying a pint ; so faute de mieux he was made M.G. Bronco was pissed off that the NERDS had arrived; he had had two girlies, Claire and Madelaine, pandering to his every whim, fetching him drinks, laughing at his tales of winning the Derby and dating Princess Ann, and didn’t want the adoring atmosphere to be disturbed . Bad luck, cock ;the NERDS want their Christmas dinner!
And so we ate …and drank .. A bit and pulled crackers and told jokes and B.T. told us all about his mole problem(!) and how Morgane was and Bronco got golf tees in his cracker which Matt tried to prop up his testicles with and Sandyballs refused to eat any sprouts, as usual and we agreed that the food and the ambience was not as good as at the Pilot at Eastbourne but that the girlies had tried hard.
Eventually kicked out of the pub by Sandyballs cos we had a train to catch, we wandered through some more dank fields and byways until we got back to Berwick station where Froggy discovered he’d lost the French leather purse containing the whip! What a disaster! What incompetence! What a pillock! Froggy was so traumatised by its loss that he threatened to resign from the NERDS. There was a deafening silence until Bronco produced a mangled blue thing from his pocket and asked if this was what he had left behind on the pub table. Order was restored Froggy’s wrists were unslashed and we got on the train to Lewes.
Finally, a parting drink was had at the John Harvey Tavern in Lewes where B.T. was visited by one of his descendants and reluctantly had to hand over her dowry in advance. Still, at least she’s not making babies just yet (everyone has a chance , even old clapped out NERDS like El Paco.) and then, I think, we went home.
It had been a good ramble with a chance to see Old NERDS and those who were busy crumbling under the heavy weight of retirement. Poor old Admiral having to do all that lifeboat stuff at home now! So thanks to Sandyballs and Lafayette for preparing the route and to Froggy for losing the whip. Things can only get better in 2010.
Happy New Year.
Lafayette.
Wednesday 9th December 2009.
Those Present - Lafayette, Sandyballs, Froggy, Muscles Matt, Bronco, B.T.,
The Admiral, & El Paco.
Christmas reunion, the gathering of the NERDS clan - old faces, even older faces and some bloody ugly faces as well. Matt had recently returned from Dublin where it had been so expensive to even look into a tea shop let alone keep up with the high social standards there. The recession hadn’t, however, stopped The Admiral from rolling up in his posh, white BMW only rivalled by Sandyballs who had got himself a brand new Vauxhall Astra by selling Flintoff to child slavers in Morocco. (Doesn’t all that baby sitting just so get on your nerves?). B.T. had made a second sortie back from the Pyrenees where he had left behind his new life of hunting, shooting, fishing and shagging the President’s wife (god, she’s a slapper that Italian bitch), and Paco, well Paco had been forced out by his charming daughter who needed to put the budgie on the clothes line and beat the secondary cigar smoke out of its lungs.
The first dispute began on Berwick station where Lafayette accused Sandyballs of having stolen his yellow and black Rupert Bear scarf some time ago to reintroduce it in a pathetic attempt to rival the bit of green rag which Philby habitually wore round his neck. Sandyballs bristled at being compared sartorially to the lowly Belgian (well, you would, wouldn’t you?) and said huffily that he had always admired Rupert Bear anyway. Froggy assuaged the situation by bringing out his hip flask and thereby turning both Matt and Lafayette into life long fans of Sailor Jerry’s Rum (yum, yum!)
The route led along a cycle path to The Cricketers, a well known Sussex pub famed for its promotion of the game of Toads (Hence the name) and Harvey’s beer. Sandyballs and Lafayette had sussed out this pub during one of the preceding weeks and had both managed to get smashed on Bonfire Boy (No. Matt, not what you’re thinking…it‘s a drink). Today the place seemed to be full of nubile barmaids warming their backsides by the Christmas fire so Froggy tried to impress them by waving his orang- utang teeshirt about and saying it was almost an extinct species. Paco said he was wearing a Che Guevara teeshirt who himself was an extinct species on account of the fact he was dead. B.T.pricked up his ears at this and wondered about investing in a load of teeshirts with Philby on the front…..
Sandyballs whipped everybody outside as time was marching on and the Christmas dinner was waiting. We headed along the Old Coach Road where in days of yore highway men had roamed and virgins had lost their…..I- pods. Today, however , it was just shitty, murky and drizzly. Seasonal presents were discussed. Froggy said he hadn’t had sex for months so he’d bought Mrs. Froggy some stuffing for Christmas. Matt said he should have got her a digital pen for the modern librarian on the go. He’s so thoughtful, isn’t he?
After a lot of… er walking we arrived at the Barley Mow at Selmeston where lunch was to take place. The last time we had been here was absolutely ages ago when the Mystery Guest had been sweet Emma Ryan in a big, daft hat (someone still has the photos somewhere). According to Sandyballs’ researches she has now grown up and is teaching flamenco dancing in Spain in an attempt to regain her language allowance.
Who was today’s Mystery Guest then ? Well funnily enough on entering the Barley Mow we all fell over Bronco who had skived out of the ramble and was sitting there enjoying a pint ; so faute de mieux he was made M.G. Bronco was pissed off that the NERDS had arrived; he had had two girlies, Claire and Madelaine, pandering to his every whim, fetching him drinks, laughing at his tales of winning the Derby and dating Princess Ann, and didn’t want the adoring atmosphere to be disturbed . Bad luck, cock ;the NERDS want their Christmas dinner!
And so we ate …and drank .. A bit and pulled crackers and told jokes and B.T. told us all about his mole problem(!) and how Morgane was and Bronco got golf tees in his cracker which Matt tried to prop up his testicles with and Sandyballs refused to eat any sprouts, as usual and we agreed that the food and the ambience was not as good as at the Pilot at Eastbourne but that the girlies had tried hard.
Eventually kicked out of the pub by Sandyballs cos we had a train to catch, we wandered through some more dank fields and byways until we got back to Berwick station where Froggy discovered he’d lost the French leather purse containing the whip! What a disaster! What incompetence! What a pillock! Froggy was so traumatised by its loss that he threatened to resign from the NERDS. There was a deafening silence until Bronco produced a mangled blue thing from his pocket and asked if this was what he had left behind on the pub table. Order was restored Froggy’s wrists were unslashed and we got on the train to Lewes.
Finally, a parting drink was had at the John Harvey Tavern in Lewes where B.T. was visited by one of his descendants and reluctantly had to hand over her dowry in advance. Still, at least she’s not making babies just yet (everyone has a chance , even old clapped out NERDS like El Paco.) and then, I think, we went home.
It had been a good ramble with a chance to see Old NERDS and those who were busy crumbling under the heavy weight of retirement. Poor old Admiral having to do all that lifeboat stuff at home now! So thanks to Sandyballs and Lafayette for preparing the route and to Froggy for losing the whip. Things can only get better in 2010.
Happy New Year.
Lafayette.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
NERDS’ Ramble No 240 - 11/11/09.
The Armistice Ramble
Those Present - Paco, Matt, Lafayette, Sandyballs, Froggy, Bronco.
This was to be a Remembrance ramble when the NERDS remembered fallen comrades …..well, there was just one and he had only fallen into bad company. Sadly he was no more and so Froggy (yet again Routemaster) decided we should have two minutes silence at 11 o’clock. The rest of the NERDS thought this was a brilliant idea since if nothing else it would stop Froggy from blethering on about bugger all for a short time.
And so under Froggy’s remarkable tutelage we met at Seaford where even Paco turned up clutching his bus pass for today’s excellent adventure. The idea was to go to Beachy Head (or near there, and not because we were all feeling depressed) and ramble downhill towards Eastbourne. So we got on the bus contemptuously waving our passes in Froggy’s face and scrambled upstairs to get the best seats. By the time Froggy appeared, having actually to have paid for his ticket, it was 11 o’clock. Goody, goody, he couldn’t moan at his parents laxity in making him younger than everyone else at this point. There was a silence but the bus failed to move off. Apparently Froggy had had a word with the driver, appealed to his conscience, given him some sob story about Philby or something and made him delay departing until 11 02 hrs.
The NERDS were all impressed, fancy holding up the Seaford public transport just in memory of some renegade NERD. Respect!
We started walking at the top of Eastbourne cliff. It was pleasantly sunny weather with a good view of the town below. Bronco told Lafayette that he had bought 3 different wax jackets recently in a BOGOF deal. Lafayette pointed out that he had only got 3 jackets instead of 4 but Bronco said they only had 3 different colours (!)
Lafayette couldn’t quite see the logic here but bowed to Bronco’s greater business sense.
Eventually we descended to The Pilot Inn at St. Bedes for lunch, a place known to both Matt and Froggy as serving good food. It was good. There was a wide array of beers and the food was excellent - lamb shanks all round except for Lafayette who had a really superb chicken and leak pie. Sandyballs noted that this was the first time no-one had had chips with their meal, something which grieved him muchly since he couldn’t hoover up the leftovers. Discussion turned to who should be the Christmas Mystery Guest this year, and the most popular choice was ‘that count Neil’ (have I misspelled that?) of S.B who had tried to stitch up Bronco for drink driving. Bronco, being a good Christian said that Neil would be very welcome but that he intended personally to crucify him for his sins.
Then we moved on down towards Eastbourne proper through a parky walky seafronty bit where we discussed the sad (non) affair which had occurred between Philby and one Cathryn Orpin. Paco said she hadn’t used to wear a bra and perhaps this had been her allure; Matt said Froggy didn’t wear a bra but Philby hadn’t gone chasing after him. Anyway it had all happened a long time ago and as usual had ended in tears.
There were lots of wooden benches along this bit of the walk - mostly commemorating dead people - no comment - but we finally found ourselves in The Buccaneer, a seemingly gayish pub which overlooked some cricket ground and where we sat at a round table and continued the discussion about the potential Mystery Guest. Lafayette wanted to get Usain Bolt, his big hero, but thought he might cost too much. Paco wanted to have Susan Doyle but that was vetoed because she was too hairy. Matt wanted to have Ronny Rebeiro but he too was vetoed on the grounds that he would eat too much. Someone did have the temerity to mention that the identity of the MG ought to remain perhaps a mystery until the Christmas Ramble but nobody had thought of that.
Anyway we ended up wandering through respectable Eastbourne (no hoodies here) looking for a bus home. There weren’t any chip shops here -too common, you see -so Sandyballs had to wait until Seaford to sate his jaded appetite.
As Matt said, Froggy had taken us to the edge of Paradise with this ramble, and he had! Maybe we could have half an hour’s silence next time (especially if Baby Flintoff is MG and goes to sleep on Sandyballs’ lap). Next ramble is the Christmas one; Lf and SB are sussing it out around the pubs already.
See you all.
Lafayette.
The Armistice Ramble
Those Present - Paco, Matt, Lafayette, Sandyballs, Froggy, Bronco.
This was to be a Remembrance ramble when the NERDS remembered fallen comrades …..well, there was just one and he had only fallen into bad company. Sadly he was no more and so Froggy (yet again Routemaster) decided we should have two minutes silence at 11 o’clock. The rest of the NERDS thought this was a brilliant idea since if nothing else it would stop Froggy from blethering on about bugger all for a short time.
And so under Froggy’s remarkable tutelage we met at Seaford where even Paco turned up clutching his bus pass for today’s excellent adventure. The idea was to go to Beachy Head (or near there, and not because we were all feeling depressed) and ramble downhill towards Eastbourne. So we got on the bus contemptuously waving our passes in Froggy’s face and scrambled upstairs to get the best seats. By the time Froggy appeared, having actually to have paid for his ticket, it was 11 o’clock. Goody, goody, he couldn’t moan at his parents laxity in making him younger than everyone else at this point. There was a silence but the bus failed to move off. Apparently Froggy had had a word with the driver, appealed to his conscience, given him some sob story about Philby or something and made him delay departing until 11 02 hrs.
The NERDS were all impressed, fancy holding up the Seaford public transport just in memory of some renegade NERD. Respect!
We started walking at the top of Eastbourne cliff. It was pleasantly sunny weather with a good view of the town below. Bronco told Lafayette that he had bought 3 different wax jackets recently in a BOGOF deal. Lafayette pointed out that he had only got 3 jackets instead of 4 but Bronco said they only had 3 different colours (!)
Lafayette couldn’t quite see the logic here but bowed to Bronco’s greater business sense.
Eventually we descended to The Pilot Inn at St. Bedes for lunch, a place known to both Matt and Froggy as serving good food. It was good. There was a wide array of beers and the food was excellent - lamb shanks all round except for Lafayette who had a really superb chicken and leak pie. Sandyballs noted that this was the first time no-one had had chips with their meal, something which grieved him muchly since he couldn’t hoover up the leftovers. Discussion turned to who should be the Christmas Mystery Guest this year, and the most popular choice was ‘that count Neil’ (have I misspelled that?) of S.B who had tried to stitch up Bronco for drink driving. Bronco, being a good Christian said that Neil would be very welcome but that he intended personally to crucify him for his sins.
Then we moved on down towards Eastbourne proper through a parky walky seafronty bit where we discussed the sad (non) affair which had occurred between Philby and one Cathryn Orpin. Paco said she hadn’t used to wear a bra and perhaps this had been her allure; Matt said Froggy didn’t wear a bra but Philby hadn’t gone chasing after him. Anyway it had all happened a long time ago and as usual had ended in tears.
There were lots of wooden benches along this bit of the walk - mostly commemorating dead people - no comment - but we finally found ourselves in The Buccaneer, a seemingly gayish pub which overlooked some cricket ground and where we sat at a round table and continued the discussion about the potential Mystery Guest. Lafayette wanted to get Usain Bolt, his big hero, but thought he might cost too much. Paco wanted to have Susan Doyle but that was vetoed because she was too hairy. Matt wanted to have Ronny Rebeiro but he too was vetoed on the grounds that he would eat too much. Someone did have the temerity to mention that the identity of the MG ought to remain perhaps a mystery until the Christmas Ramble but nobody had thought of that.
Anyway we ended up wandering through respectable Eastbourne (no hoodies here) looking for a bus home. There weren’t any chip shops here -too common, you see -so Sandyballs had to wait until Seaford to sate his jaded appetite.
As Matt said, Froggy had taken us to the edge of Paradise with this ramble, and he had! Maybe we could have half an hour’s silence next time (especially if Baby Flintoff is MG and goes to sleep on Sandyballs’ lap). Next ramble is the Christmas one; Lf and SB are sussing it out around the pubs already.
See you all.
Lafayette.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
November Ramble on the 11th
This went off very well according to Froggy who has taken a few photographs which I will attach soon.
Regards BT
Regards BT
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Change of Moderator
As I'm so busy in France at the moment and I cannot be back in the UK until December I have relinquished the overall command of the "Blog" to Froggy, to see how he gets on. Await developments!!
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