NERDS' Ramble No. 339 - Wed. 21st Feb 2018.
Those Present –
Sandyballs, Lafayette, Matt, Froggy, El Paco,
Curly, The Bish.
The Tarmac Ramble to The Cricketers.
Most of the NERDS met on the train from Seaford and most of the NERDS had been to The Steamworks at Seaford to get juiced up with cafe cognacs before the arduous business of having to ramble. Lafayette got on the train, shook fingers with everyone and completely ignored the grumpy looking old git sat in the corner - who turned out to be the Bish. (Sorry, Tony; didn't recognise you without your mitre.)
Sandyballs was waiting outside the Runaway
at Lewes station. Nobody could get a drink here yet because of the loud clamourings of the poor Lewes wage slaves who were trying to anaesthetise their boring commuter journeys with alcohol and bacon sandwiches. Finally, however the London train came in, the rabble dispersed and life returned to normality. Lafayette and one or two other pensioned off heroes strode inside and ordered cafe cognacs
(again) and so the NERDS day began properly.
On the way to Berwick Sandyballs told us that he too had got tired of a life spent trudging from port to port, dealing with awkward passengers and indecipherable internet problems, not to mention pitiful pay and no cafe cognac breaks. In short he had decided to finally, absolutely and irrevocably retire to spend the rest of his life concentrating on NERDS' admin. And to this end he had bought a new camera
to “help” Froggy take NERDS' photos. - Except he was buggered if he could make the damn thing work........
On the way to Berwick, since it had recently been Sandyballs' 70th birthday, and since he had promised to start smoking soon as he was going to die anyway (one day) Paco and Lafayette started to give him helpful tips on how to consume a vast Cuban cigar
he had been saving for some time. “ First of all,” said Lafayette, a celebrated smoker of French cigarettes in his crossing days, “First of all, make sure you take it out of the metal tube otherwise you'll get a nasty taste in your mouth when you light it
.” “ Then, “ chimed in El Paco, “ Make sure you don't under any circumstances inhale the metallic smoke otherwise you''ll immediately drop down dead
like I did a few years ago in Brazil.”
Looking around at all the amazed NERDS' faces he added, “ I did actually get better but it takes a lot of willpower.” Sandyballs decided he might leave this exciting new experience until his 80th birthday when he might have taken proper advice from someone who knew what they were talking about.
So a quick pint in The Berwick Inn
where we all lounged around outside in the sun trying to look cool in sunglasses. Matt was wondering if Curly had had a nice birthday and Curly said he had. ( Although he hadn't taken up smoking yet.) On we went on the tarmac cycle path - Sandyballs is considerate; he knows that NERDS don't like wading through mud on their travels. The weather was pleasant, sunny but cold so a good job we'd all had a few drinks to get us going.
Finally arriving at The Cricketers we arranged ourselves round a large table and opened our diaries
to get a date for going to Dieppe to celebrate 30 years of NERDing. (Dieppe Raid Four). Laf said he couldn't go next January because it was his birthday and he wanted to learn to smoke again.
Froggy said he couldn't go in July because he was going to Peru with his secret lover ( Matt). Paco said he couldn't go in August because there was a particular You Tube programme he wanted to see, and |The Bish said he couldn't make it in May because there was a certain Royal Wedding he needed to officiate at. So we all said OK we'll go in June cos it's nice in Dieppe then.
Business over we set to on the important stuff of the day, like eating and drinking.
The food was good in The Cricketers but rather pricey. I mean, Paco paid £8 for a double cognac,
and that sans coffee. (Cognac is a sort of food). Mind you, whoever will be reading NERDS' write-ups in thirty years time (guffaw!) will be thinking “Only £8 for a double cognac, you were spoilt; now you have to sell the family diamonds because the price of cognac has gone up so much!”
After lunch we braved the A27 once again and walked back towards The Berwick Inn. (The next bit is for B.T.) We then passed a wood
in which Lafayette swore he heard fairies whispering together and saying how they would really like to join the NERDS
but couldn't because they were girlies and had long delicate wings etc etc. Lafayette didn't report this conversation to the others just in case they thought he was a loony, but he thought B.T. might find some nice pictures of them for the blog.
Back at The Berwick Froggy told us how his French mother had been a lousy cook because she'd always had servants running round after her and had therefore built up a huge sense of entitlement – not to mention having a Baron in her immediate family. Poor Froggy had spent his late adolescence doing all the cooking in the house since the French army had recognised his enormous latent talent and sent him on a Cordon Bleu cookery course
instead of making him peel spuds like the rest of the recruits. What a Star!
Paco said his wife had been an OK cook but had once told him she didn't mind being married to him but would he consider living apart before he spent all his money on expensive cognacs. Sandyballs said he had married a mermaid
because these days when she talked to him she sounded as if she was under water, but she was a good cook. Lafayette said he had to cook all his own meals because his wife had purple hair and sometimes reminded him of the fairies in the woods. Someone said we all ought to go home before the ramble got too surreal and so we got the Schoolgirl Express
back to Lewes and disappeared.
Well, it had been a good ramble with “Luck of the NERDS” weather again. We had managed not to walk too far or get too tired, and at least had got some dates for Dieppe. The vexed question of teeshirts still remains but will probably go on as long as the present Brexit talks do.
Have fun you NERDS and don't talk to any fairies – especially those who smoke!
Lafayette.
