March 2015 Ramble

NERDS' Ramble No. 305. Tuesday 17/3/15.

Those Present – Sandyballs, Froggy, Lafayette, Curly Clarke,

Dio, and Matt (a bit).

St Patrick's Day 2015.

“The NERDS are coming round, my dear, so be sure to wear your prettiest dress and we'd like coffee and biscuits at ten sharp.” So spake Lafayette more in hope than expectation to his beloved spouse on the day when Irish mania was due to break out all over the land. “ Fuck off !” replied Mrs Lafayette succinctly. “Oh well,” thought Lafayette, “it was worth a try. I'm sure my mother would never have answered my father back like that – if he'd been in a world famous rambling group and was having them round to his house. But sadly times (and spouses) change[some more frequently than others].

Today's ramble was largely a repeat of St Patrick's day last year which had proved to be quite enjoyable, and so why break with an old formula? Firstly the NERDS all converged chez Lafayette where he (faute de mieux) put on his prettiest dress

and served up coffee and biscuits and Curly had had the generosity to contribute a bottle of Jamesons to get the party going. We were all devastated to hear that Matt was going to abandon us to go to The Irish Club in London ( bet it's one of those clubs nudge, nudge, wink, wink where they go in for patriotic drinking and who knows what else – probably some sort of terrorist recruiting ground or worse.)

Anyway Matt was going to leave us; Paco had sciatica and couldn't walk, but the rest of us were joined by Dio (dressed all in black and leather to Matt's delight) because a) they always make a big fuss about St Patrick's Day in New York and b) he likes a drink.

Froggy told us he was going to have a new crown

(in his mouth, not on his head;

Sandyballs said he was going to have implants ( not where you think) and Matt began lusting after Lafayette's bijou coffee table which was actually mediaeval, very valuable and which he'd nicked out of a Cistertian monastery during a holiday in Italy. Froggy

said he had recently celebrated the sixteenth anniversary of his cats

(were they NERDS too? and were they going to Prague like us to celebrate their having been together so long?) Matt said he'd swap his trilby for Lafayette's coffee table. Lafayette wasn't sure; he thought he might have to run this deal past his ferocious wife, although she, being a catholic and half irish might definitely swing the decision in Matt's favour.

Anyway, the bottle of Jamesons having been devastated, no deals having been struck and with biscuit crumbs all over the floor, Lafayette shepherded every one out of his man cave and up to the bus stop for the first leg of the day's jollities.

Just as Froggy was scrabbling around for his bus fare

(ha, ha) a couple of green St Patrick's, leprechaun, dickhead – type hats fell out of his pocket. “ I've only got two,” (from last year) he said guiltily, “ so two of you will have to go without.” Sandyballs took exception to this (quite rightly) and complained that the other NERDS were being discriminated against, not to mention being persecuted and marginalised by Froggy's selfish behaviour.

Good old Jamesons, it never fails to incite NERD'S dissent. Fortunately the bus came just then so today's first quarrel was put on hold for a while.

The NERDS got off the bus at Rottingdean and went up the main road hoping to see Irish flags slung outside a number of pubs. But Irish flags there were none – and the pubs were shut. Hadn't Rottingdean woken up to the fact that it was St Paddy's day and that the NERDS were thirsty? Dio murmured “It wasn't like this in New York; we had parades, green pom pom girls, drunkenness, debauchery and Guinness.” Someone pointed out we were actually in Rottingdean where people were so old they actually welcomed death,

even if just to alleviate the boredom. Why were we here anyway?

Fortunately, a little further up the road, by the duck pond, just past Whipping Post Lane (sic) we found the lunch pub. It was The Plough (this is practically rural Sussex), but of course, the damned place wasn't open yet. So, in order to waste a few minutes S.B. lined us all up in the “garden” beneath a sign which said “Old Sussex Relics”

and which was supposed to imply that previously in Sussex people used scythes before lawnmowers were invented.

See the photos. Without a drink the NERDS were feeling a bit old and wishing they were in New York. ( I wonder if they had any other colour of pom pom girls apart from green; mind you, any colour girl would have done just then to liven up Rottingdean, any girl, even.)

Fortunately, when it opened, the friendly barman (Lyndon) recognised it was St Paddy's and fixed us up with Harveys and good ham and eggs with chips (duck eggs, too).

Much better than the same alleged meal in The Counting House. (NERDS have more pull than Coronas, obviously).

Time for a bit of rambling.

Sandyballs always feels guilty if we just eat and drink and tit about.

So we struck off up the steep hill that was Sheep Walk towards the Downs.

There was a different scarecrow guarding the allotments this year – a Dracula Scarecrow

– obviously placed there to suck the blood out of any rogue sheep which got out of line. Up, up we went; Froggy took photos lining us up against the old windmill to give a bit of local colour.

On, on, up past Rodean school where we rather hoped the girlies might be out practising their green pom pom routines. Sadly, they all seemed to have gone back to Abu Dhabi or Singapore for half term. Then we descended, crossed the main road and took the long, long concrete road infront of the sea to Brighton Marina where we heard that there was a Wetherspoons.......

By good fortune most of the customers in Wetherspoons had finished their lunch and had cleared off so we could get a table to sit down around. They didn't seem to have any St Paddy's drinks here although the trainee barmaids had a few daft hats hidden around as a token gesture of celebration. However they wouldn't give us any (hats) so several NERDS continued to have their human rights ignored.

Since the St Paddy's atmosphere was still a bit understated in this pub, Sandyballs amused us all by relating tales of how his family had suffered under the Great Potato Famine of the 1840s. “Honestly, you've no idea of the depth of deprivation and hardship which took place then.” he wept, “ Nobody could get any chips for weeks and weeks, and you had to murder people if you wanted a bag of crisps to go with your beer.” the other NERDS nodded their heads in sympathy. No chips; that's worse than having to read Froggy's book “all Shagged out at Thirty.” (which fortunately he hasn't written yet.)

Outside we got the number 7 bus

and fought off a large group of Korean school children who apparently were keen readers of our blog in Korea where it out-rivals even Top Gear in popularity. They had realised how famous all the NERDS were and wanted to take selfies of themselves and everyone. “ Are you the one called Ringo?” asked one of Lafayette. “ No, sweet child, I'm the second most famous author you will ever study on your school curriculum.” replied Lafayette, happy to know that his write-ups were achieving true fame at last, albeit in obscure eastern countries.

The bus journey was enlivened by Lafayette getting bored and trying to steal the wheelchairs from a couple of women who got in his way on the lower deck of the bus. “We think your write-ups are crap!” yelled one of the women after Lafayette had insisted on turfing her out of her chair because there were no seats left downstairs. “ I don't care, I have your wheelchair and my fame so nothing can tarnish my mood today.” replied Lafayette haughtily.

In Brighton Lafayette abandoned his wheelchair and let Sandyballs lead everybody to where there were bound to be St Patrick's celebrations ie The Fiddlers Elbow,

an everso Irish pub we only go to on this particular day. Sure enough you could hear the racket going on about three streets away. The diddly dee music was deafening, it was a sea of stupid leprechaun hats and drunken Irish good will.

It was the only pub Lafayette had come across with bouncers on the door to prevent you leaving, at least if you had a glass in your hand ( I mean you might fall down and cut your finger or something.) Inside it was pure green mayhem; getting served wasn't too bad, it was trying to let them know what you actually wanted in the maelstrom of the unholy row that was difficult. As long as you yelled “Guinness!” or “Whiskey!” you were on a safe bet, otherwise you just had to settle for going rapidly deaf.

After standing around for half an hour in stupid hats drinking freezing cold stuff and being jostled by mad ( but jovial) Irish drinkers, the NERDS finally fled outside for Froggy

to take some photos. A couple of nice girls

who had caught a whiff of the NERDS fame from being on Facebook with the Korean group insisted on being a part of our snap taking. Since we were all now dying for a pee we headed off to the other Wetherspoons in the next street where there might actually be a chance of getting in the bog. The Fiddlers Elbow

is a cracking pub but you can only stand that sort of thing for about half an hour once a year.

In “The Other Wetherspoons” we finally managed to get in a booth and chilled out a bit.

The doubles of Kraken and Coke were found to have a soothing effect to counter the excitement of the Irish going mad, and Sandyballs started to fall asleep. Luckily before he fell beneath the table he managed to phone his Number 2 Daughter who was working in the vicinity (no longer as a poorly paid barmaid – more's the pity, the cheap rounds we used to get.)

Anyway dear Becky came in, looked beautiful, bought us all another drink and wafted her dad back home in her car. What more could you want in a daughter? NB. See Christmas ramble account for Paco's daughter, Lara's skills and willingness to drive. Lafayette made a mental note to get Danielle some driving lessons.

So, another hilarious St Patrick's Day which started off rather quietly and then rose to an amazing crescendo in The Fiddler's Elbow. We had all now been given daft hats to put in the cupboard to save for next year so no need to squabble on the bus again. Thanks to all who made it; those who didn't missed a great day!

Los Nierdos para Siempre!

Lafayette.

March 2015 Ramble Joining Instructions

Herewith the depressing joining Instructions.

The day will be Tuesday the 17th of March

"This annual event takes place next Tuesday. Being creatures of habit we are going to repeat the ramble of last year ( and the year before that?) and make our way by bus to Rottingdean. There we will wander around aimlessly until a hostelry deigns to open to have the ritual pint of Guinness that nobody really enjoys. Thereafter lunch will probably be taken at the pub by the duckpond, whatever that is called ( you can tell, can't you, that I have deply researched this ramble). Following that we will do a ramble of sorts up by the windmill before rejoining the A259 at St. Dunstans. Then bus into Brighton and to our Holy Grail - or The Fiddler's Elbow - for some faux Irish celebrations.

Lafayette has kindly offered that we can meet at Lavender Lodge at about 10-ish. As ever, the only true Irish NERD will not be with us - however one or two half-breeds will be representing The Old Country.

I suppose one could always wear something green.....?

Sandyballs"

So much for celebrating the saint who rid Ireland of snakes!

February 2015 Ramble

NERDS' “Ramble” No 304.  26^th Feb. 2015.

Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt, Paco, Curly Clarke.

Belated Guest – The Captain

The Intellectual Ramble.

It's not often that the NERDS turn from healthy, bracing physical exercise – often over the Downs or along the byeways of rural Sussex - but today the weather finally beat us and something different was called for. The rain it was raining everywhere and so, rather than get wet going to Glynde (plan a) it was decided to go somewhere in Seaford (under cover) to discuss matters of great philosophical import such as the impact of the ever ageing membership of rambling groups or the possible drain on finances of yet another continental holiday. Actually, we needed to do something about going to Prague for our 300^th in May.

The NERDS met at Seaford station – all suitably attired for the weather that day. Matt had obviously just returned from a holiday in Ireland betting on the horses judging from the look of his very cool racing trilby. Beats that shitty red cap he usually wears! Lafayette had his Old Git's ferreter's cap on which Froggy secretly coveted. Mrs Froggy had, however, banned him from getting his own “ since it would make him look like an old man” So what? The NERDS are all old men now even though Froggy's not yet old enough to get a bus pass.

However, enough of this sartorial banter. The NERDS floated down the High Street in the direction of any pub which might happen to be open and ended up at the entrance to what seemed to be a familiar place – but was it? The “Boo” (for thus it was now known, and was the proprietrix called Betty?) seemed to be standing on the site of The Boot of yore,

which had long been the meeting place of the famous Club Corona. Undeterred the NERDS stopped for a photo call and then went inside, clustering around the bar while sending Matt off to get some good seats.

The NERDS got down to business.

Sandyballs took the chair and in true managerial way immediately delegated the finding of czech accommodation to Froggy (on account of his amazing I.T. skills,

his having the most free time and the fact he was dead rich if it meant having to pay up front.) Froggy was both humbled by and proud of this responsibility.

He immediately made a list of the most important facts he needed to know;

1)What colour curtains did we want in our rooms?

2) Did we require milk chocolates or plain on our pillow?

3) Who was going to have sex with whom (No, not really), and

4) Would there be baked beans for breakfast.

Meanwhile Paco who was getting bored with all this trivia produced some really old photos he had discovered. These showed the NERDS, probably in the eighties, lounging around, looking young and dressed in the most unlikely of fashions. For example there was Sandyballs wearing a load of hippy gear (must have been a party) and looking a bit of a dipstick, B.T. looking young and suave, and people's wives looking young and scrumptious. Are how are the mighty NERDS now laid low with old age. I think it was Reg “Way, ay” Forbes

who once confided to Lafayette, “ When ya yung ya talk all the time aboot fanny,  but when ya'r old ya just talk aboot yar bad feet.” Well, who'd have thought?

But I digress. After a lively discussion (quarrel) about where to have lunch we decided on chez Diella, an italian restaurant in Seaford which Matt and Froggy had visited only the day before.

This indeed turned out to be a good bet and Froggy's recommendation of the crab bisque soup turned out to be a winner.

Halfway through the second bottle of wine we were joined by the Captain who happened to be in Seaford  grandbaby sitting.

Now the Captain had been taking his role of paterfamilias seriously and was sporting a terrible beard ( or maybe he had just got lazy in his retirement), nevertheless he suggested that if the NERDS might like to consider going to Donetz in Ukraine if Prague fell through, he might just possibly be able to swing a grant from UKIP to finance the holiday. Most of the NERDS said they thought they might prefer to go to Prague, actually.

So, after a magnificent meal the NERDS decided to meet again in a week's time to review progress on the Prague Trip. It had seemed strange not to be out rambling. Was this just a Club Corona meeting or had we now turned into NERDS – Lite? Were the two the same or were we now a cross-over aberration? Or were we all just cross dressing for fun? I'm sure Matt, our Master of Morals will be able to advise.

See you all next week for a Club Corona update on NERDS' progress.

Lafayette.

Starting Instructions

Dear Fellow Nerds,
 
This month we walk on THURSDAY 26th. As promised we will be revisiting an old favourite - The Trevor Arms at Glynde. The location of the  very first NERDS ramble, of course, all those years ago. When we were young, full of youthful vigour and nobody was fat and grey-haired.....
Anyway, the usual 09.55 from Seaford and I will meet you at Lewes station at 10.14. The Trevor opens at 11.30 which should be about right after we have trekked our way up to the golf course and over the top. Day return tickets to Glynde of course, as we will NOT be walking back to Lewes.
 
Topic of conversation around the table should be our accommodation in Prague, of course.
 
See y'all on the day.
 
Sandyballs

Definitive Joining Instructions

Just to confirm the date is Thursday 26th.  THIS WILL NOT CHANGE!!
See some of you at Club Corona on Friday 6th.

Sandyballs

More Changes

Sorry to muck you all about again but Tuesday 24th is not good for Froggy. Anybody have any objection to Thursday 26th?

Sandyballs

All Change - New Ramble Date

Hi All,

Wednesday 25th was the agreed compromise date for next month's ramble. However something has come up - a Bombay reunion as it happens. Anybody have any objection to the day before - Tuesday 24th?

Sandyballs

February 2015 Ramble

Final joining date:-
Hi All,
Revised date.  We walk on Wednesday 25th.  Hope that is OK with all!
Sandyballs

February Joining Instructions Phase Two

Hi All,

Matt tells me that he cannot make the 18th, or indeed the 11th. Anybody object to the 25th? Nearer to Spring after all.

Please let me know.

SandyBalls

February Joining Instructions (?)

Fellow Nerds,

Our last expedition ended in some confusion - especially for me! I blame the inclusion of those Darksider women!

Anyway, we did not get round to choosing a date for the February ramble. My diary for that month is 'tabula rasa'- empty. Anybody object to Wednesday 18th? If a problem for anyone we can consider other dates.

SandyBalls

January 2015 Ramble

NERDS' Ramble No 303. Wed. 7th Jan. 2015.

Those in The Pub – Bronco, Sheila, Matt, Mike L.

Those Rambling

NERDS -  Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Paco, Curly, Shaz - (honorary status 'cos she's a girlie)

Darksiders – Ed, Marion, Jane, Dave, Robert.

Lafayette's “Sort of Just after his Birthday” Ramble.

Here we are again: the biannual mingling of NERDS and Darksiders, all about to begin a dry January (ha, bloody ha!).
Lafayette had received a number of apologies for non -rambling attendance: Matt –  lingering traces of ebola.
                   Bronco – lost his horse.
                   Mike L. - lost all his money at cards.
                   Sheila – couldn't find her earrings.

So the remainder met at Newhaven station where Lafayette did a head count and then led everyone off up the river in the general direction of Piddinghoe. The weather wasn't too bad considering it was January; it was dullish but windyish and definitely muddyish under foot. Lafayette concluded that everyone in Newhaven who owned a dog had been that way very recently and let their dog shit all over the path. We had to walk very carefully along the bank of The Mighty Ouse.

Views included the back of Lafayette's previous house (where fifteen years previously he had assassinated a noisy seagull who had interrupted a wine tasting session with his sister), The Iconic Newhaven Incinerator which had nearly burned down about a month previously due to someone stubbing their fag out in the wrong place, and the Piddinghoe Yachting Club where various fanatics were trying to right their boats which had capsised in the strong wind.

We traversed Piddinghoe itself, a pretty (and expensive) village where people had yachts and lots of money, and stopped for a brief calva stop while Lafayette checked nobody had gone astray or had fallen in the river. There used to be a nice pub here called The Royal Oak where it was rumoured that Charles The First had hidden in the attic from Cromwell's men, but which had sadly burnt to the ground after the NERDS had lunched there during one of the very early rambles.

So back along the river again, once more admiring the baroque/jacobean incinerator dominating the far bank. Lafayette had visited this recently and had been told they converted all the rubbish there into very clean electicity – and if you believe that.....
Anyway, time for our first (second?) pit stop at The Jolly Boatman  back in Newhaven.

Now, The Jolly Boatman is a friendly, tatty, sort of fag rolling, smuggling type of pub

the landlord of which seemed to be totally unfazed by a dozen or so ramblers descending on him demanding
Sauvignon blanc and Orange pekoe tea.

He had even got a bunch of clapped out armchairs together so that we could sit around in comfort, recover from all our strenuous efforts and take pictures of each other on our phones.

Lafayette and Sandyballs pronounced the beer to be very good, especially when they noticed a small Barrel of Christmas Ale (only 7.5 per cent) and tried it out (moderately, of course).

Thereafter Lafayette had to prise everyone out of their comfort zone ( we were on a strict timetable) to get a move on through Newhaven towards The lunch pub in Denton. Strangely enough, just as we were going through the overpass by the station, Lafayette spotted a taxi taking off containing, yes, you've guessed it, the four skiving Nerdsiders who were “Just meeting us at the pub.” So much for all the fancy excuses they had put forward to get out of coming with us.

And so on, on, past Sainsburys and a bit further on to The Flying Fish where Lafayette had booked lunch.

There we met the other taxi-using Nerdsideskivers – Bronco, Mike L. Sheila and Matt who had gone there early to get a good seat and were well into their first drinks.

After we had all jockeyed for position round lots of tables for lunch Lafayette was honoured to receive a couple of totally unexpected birthday presents ( some port from Matt and a Darkside mug from Sheila), and then the festivities began.

Our hostess was Nicola who didn't seem to mind tons of noisy ramblers and whose chef did a mean line in bubble and squeak.
The food and drink was excellent; mucho Riocha was consumed and Lafayette found he was having  a deep intellectual discussion with Marion about the deviation of the television series “The Musketeers” from what Alexander Dumas' novels actually portrayed. Marion seemed to think the whole thing was just an excuse to show off a bit of male eye candy, and said she wished that that Aramis would come round and get his sword out for her.
Froggy took tons and tons of photographs of everyone,

but strangely enough there was no pictorial record of the actual ramble.

Paco got into his stride and started kissing everybody,

especially the girlies.( Note to Paco, if you're going to do this it's best to have the odd shave beforehand) and every body else just got hilariously drunk. Some time later a hardcore remained after everyone else had sloped off back to the station.

The drinking continued until Lafayette noticed that what had started off as lunch at one o'clock had morphed into tea time at six o'clock and it might be a good idea to get those with far to go back to the station. This proved a little more difficult than expected (mentioning no names) but was finally managed, and everybody was waved off.

These joint rambles seem now to be quite popular, and this one seemed to go off OK. Lafayette would like to thank all those who attended, whether walking or not, and is grateful for the presents. Thanks, of course, have to go to Nicola and her assistant at the pub for making the meal a success and it was nice to see Bronco and Mike L. again.

The NERDS Management is still thinking about the 300th which is due to be held somewhere exotic in May – only four months to go now - decisions need to be made!

Love to All and Happy New Year.

Lafayette.

7th January 2015

January 2015 Joining Instructions

Dear NERDS/Darkside,
The next joint ramble will take place on Wednesday 7th Jan 2015 and will start from Newhaven Town Station at 10 30hrs - approx.
I have booked lunch at The Flying Fish in Denton at 13 00hrs - Malcolm, all the girls are dying to see you again so please try to make it for lunch.
The pub is sending me a menu and would like us to make choices before we go, so I shall be sending this out in due course.
Happy Christmas to all.
Charlie/Lafayette.

NERDS' Ramble No. 302  Wed.  10/12/14.

Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Paco, Curly, B.T. Bronco, Mystery Guest.

Christmas Ramble 2014 – “It seems alright to me.” (said in a scottish accent.)

Aye, the NERDS sure know how to party! They all met up at Lewes station

(apart from Mystery Guest and Bronco) and were told by Sandyballs that leg one of the “ramble” would end up at The Brewers – because it's the only pub in Lewes which opens at 10 o'clock. Not a bad idea, we thought, so wound our way round the quaint narrow streets of the town

and through the very pleasant environs of Southover Grange park

where Sandyballs used to take Flintoff  Ryan for his daily walks and where they both used to ogle the Lewes brand of Milfs who used to hang out there with their milflings.

In The Brewers the NERDS

tried the porter (a good breakfast drink) and met Julian, brother of Andy,

who had been a NERD sympathiser and Harveys drinker for many years. Julian said he would like to have accompanied us on our “ramble” that day but he was getting too old to walk and he liked to sit and drink the day away instead. (Sounds like the new brand of NERD in Nerds- Lite

as intiated by Matt (currently in Burma.)

Paco sat there vapour smoking

– a new departure, and showed Lafayette how to indulge in this questionable habit. It was a bit like breathing fog in and out, and Lafayette thought he might not actually take it up permanently. He and Sandyballs agreed to smoke a cigar on the latter's 70^th birthday, and extend this to indulging in whores and cocaine – if they'd managed to save up enough by then. B. T. put himself about a bit, got the drinks in and became Froggy's assistant Quazi for the day. He and Lafayette

had been trying out some new calvados the previous evening and were feeling just a teensy weensy bit jaded that day.

Tearing ourselves away from The Brewers we descended into Lewes and found Bronco in the middle of the shopping centre sans horse and looking lost.

So we gathered him up and dragged him along with the rest of the merry band along Cliffe High Street until we reached The Gardeners Arms. Bronco looked fine, he always looks fine; he said Crunchie (horse) was costing him a fortune in vet's bills because of his age, and we wondered how Crunchie would be able to pay the vet's bills for Bronco when he got really old.

The Gardeners was selling Harvey's Christmas Ale at 7.5% so it was quite strong stuff. Better only have a half. Nice it was, but B.T. thought it too sweet and passed it over to Lafayette to finish. Lafayette hadn't had much breakfast and started seeing stars, blamed it on the Paco fog but was dragged out of the pub by Sandyballs who wanted to go to The Snowdrop to ensure the Mystery Guest was properly received for lunch.

So down to The Snowdrop. (Good job this wasn't a Temperance Ramble) where lurking in the shadows was the Mystery Guest, and surprise, surprise, it turned out to be Mrs Sandyballs (third time for her),

who had got bored with doing christmas shopping and had come along to keep S.B. in order. In due course the rest of the NERDS rolled up having finished their rations of Christmas Ale, and greeted the M.G. with little surprise.

The Snowdrop is justifiably famed for its cuisine as it has an excellent chef and interesting bar staff.

By this stage Lafayette could not remember what he had eaten or drunk and had to rely on the scrawled evidence of a couple of embark cards to refresh his memory. Most people seemed to be eating turkey;

Lafayette vaguely remembered he had had a delightful cheesy stuffed mushroom to start,

and that was preceded by mulled wine, so no wonder the world seemed to be getting even more delightful. Sandyballs had a vague recollection of himself and Lafayette visiting this pub in days of yore to drink Wray and Nephew's rum with coffee. Lafayette had got this habit from some Jamaican relative of his daughter but sadly the present bar man ( dark with a pony tail ) had never heard of it – too young, you see.

However, he said “We've got this calvados stuff intead, I don't know whether you'd like that.” Do popes shit on bears! Much calvados later everyone was swaying around and Sandyballs had fallen asleep on  M.G.'s shoulder.

Much fun was had settling the bill as usual. Mystery Guest took charge as she was probably the most sensible and least drunk by this stage. However it's always a great challenge to make the money add up correctly. Finally it was achieved with no-one decking anybody else and the M.G. Family wandered off to put S.B. to bed.

Los Otros stayed on for a bit just to finish off the calvados bottle, and then Paco had a marvellous idea.

Having spent a large amount of money on his younger daughter's expensive education and made sure she had a driving licence,

Paco rang her up and proposed she bring the family bus over to take all the remaining NERDS back home. Since Laura was a delightful, generous girl, she agreed and so arrived in due course to pour everyone into the car.

What a heroine she was; nobody could remember the journey home (except Laura, we hope), but The NERDS were all incredibly grateful they didn't have to walk anywhere at this stage.

The biggest thanks of the “ramble” undoubtedly go to her. Well done, Laura!

Well, what a christmas it had been for the NERDS. We thank Sandyballs for organising the meal and the M.G., and thanks go to our Special Guests, B.T and Bronco for turning up. It was nice to see you both again.

Lafayette will arrange something in the new year for the next one – we may even see some of the Gatwick Darkside again.

Merry Christmas to All.

Lafayette.

November 2014 Ramble

NERDS' Ramble No. 301. Tuesday 25/11/14.

Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt, Curly Clarke, El Paco.

 Froggy's Exciting Secret Path Ramble.

Froggy had discovered a secret rambling path while out with his New Best Friend walking Dog Charlie. He wanted to show this to Lafayette who was somewhat sceptical that anyone would build a special path from the top of Southease along the mere quarter of a mile to Rodmell. However Froggy was insistent that this was so, and so the NERDS handed over the grave responsibility of being Routemaster to Froggipops once again.

This month poor Sandyballs had got over his terrible inability to drink due to a bad tooth, and instead had lost his voice to the extent that while attending a dinner party (how very Lewes) he had had to pass notes to his neighbours asking them to pass the fricassied peacock over or break open another jereboah of champagne. (By contrast Lafayette was reduced to texting his headphones-wearing daughter to pass him the salt from the other side of the breakfast table).

Anyway the ramble; ah yes, the ramble. Well the NERDS first of all sat around Lafayette's man-cave once again drinking some excellent Spanish brandy which S.B. had brought with him to lubricate his throat.

Laf. then whipped everybody out on to the train to Southease and then handed over the reins to Froggy.

It was a cold but bright day, however it had rained like hell recently and the going from Southease bridge along the river was very muddy. We talked about the sad passing of Hamish MacFindlay who, although not a NERD, really should have been one because of his well developed social skills and liking for a dram (in his alcoholic days). Poor Hamish, he was really too lazy to come rambling; in truth he was the NERD who never was. Matt reminded Sandyballs that he should be preparing his own deathbed repentance and everybody else began to hum “Look on the Bright Side of Life” and look forward to lunch.

On, on we soldiered along the mighty Ouse getting muddier and muddier.

Froggy as usual led from the back and could be heard discussing The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling with Matt who had made it his personal Christmas charity this year. A helicopter from the Electricity Board swooped down to give us a closer look perhaps hoping Matt had some Gorgeous Lady Wrestlers about his person but he had obviously left them behind at his house furiously typing up his own will and deathbed repentance.

At Rodmell we turned left and went through some farmer's fields and then up a muddy track through the village towards The Abergavenny Arms. Inside we went through the usual procedure of finding a table, changing table, sitting down and changing table once again because Matt didn't like the colour of the tablecloth or something...... Still, we ended up in a very cosy situation right next to the roaring fire –

which we'd been trying to avoid all along. Paco was elected to be the burnt offering and everbody started quarrelling about who had the most scampis on their plate.

Sandyballs suddenly spotted a bunch of women who he recognised, and drew Lafayette's attention to Mel, who used to give Laf. a lift to Lewes Bonfire in the Old Days before the internet and mobile phones had been invented. “ I remember you,” said Lafayette, “Yes”, she replied, “I saw you the other week at Lewes Crown Court where I work; you were doing your bit for society by sending down some nasty piece of work for GBH.” “ Too right,” replied Lafayette. “ Now there aren't any Algerians to knock off I have to get my kicks somehow. By the way didn't you have a little daughter aged about six?” “ That'll be me.” growled a sullen young woman opposite, face glued to her mobile. “I'm twenty six now and just been done for GBH.” Lafayette gulped and hastily moved on. Don't time fly!

Post prandial dinks were mooted and Curly recommended the sambucca which he'd recently been drinking on one of his exotic holidays – and very nice it was too. Sandyballs still couldn't speak that well and Paco was getting quite crispy now so we finished our drinks and decided to explore Froggy's new, exciting path outside.

“Here's my new, secret, exciting path.” quoth Froggy, and  'twas true, some rambling organisation had gone to a great deal of trouble to cover the muddy bits with stones and put a signpost up saying “New Secret Exciting Path discovered by Froggy Reeve.”

at the beginning of the path. Lafayette forbore to mention that he'd actually come across this path the week before during a Darkside ramble up to Breaky Bottom, and the sign should have read “ Wonderful, Secret, Exciting Path actually introduced to Lafayette by Darkside Quazi, Ed.” but I expect the rambling organisation thought this might have been a tad too long to get all on one signpost. Besides which, Lafayette didn't want to ruin Froggy's surprise.

So back we went to Southease and waved off  Sandyballs who was going back in the opposite direction to another croaky dinner party in Lewes.

(How middle class). S.B. and Froggy were trying to out do each other to see who could take the best selfie across the railway track,

and Matt sighed and said that rambles these days were turning into NERDS- Lite events and that he was going home to seek solace from his Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.

So, a good ramble from Froggy, even though his secret had been blown. It had been a pleasant day and we hope that Sandyballs gets his voice back soon. Next month is the Christmas ramble (and meal ) which S.B. and Laf. have yet to organise. It might take a few drinks in a few pubs for them to get round to making a final decision. Watch this space.

Lafayette.