November 2014 Ramble

NERDS' Ramble No. 301. Tuesday 25/11/14.

Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt, Curly Clarke, El Paco.

 Froggy's Exciting Secret Path Ramble.

Froggy had discovered a secret rambling path while out with his New Best Friend walking Dog Charlie. He wanted to show this to Lafayette who was somewhat sceptical that anyone would build a special path from the top of Southease along the mere quarter of a mile to Rodmell. However Froggy was insistent that this was so, and so the NERDS handed over the grave responsibility of being Routemaster to Froggipops once again.

This month poor Sandyballs had got over his terrible inability to drink due to a bad tooth, and instead had lost his voice to the extent that while attending a dinner party (how very Lewes) he had had to pass notes to his neighbours asking them to pass the fricassied peacock over or break open another jereboah of champagne. (By contrast Lafayette was reduced to texting his headphones-wearing daughter to pass him the salt from the other side of the breakfast table).

Anyway the ramble; ah yes, the ramble. Well the NERDS first of all sat around Lafayette's man-cave once again drinking some excellent Spanish brandy which S.B. had brought with him to lubricate his throat.

Laf. then whipped everybody out on to the train to Southease and then handed over the reins to Froggy.

It was a cold but bright day, however it had rained like hell recently and the going from Southease bridge along the river was very muddy. We talked about the sad passing of Hamish MacFindlay who, although not a NERD, really should have been one because of his well developed social skills and liking for a dram (in his alcoholic days). Poor Hamish, he was really too lazy to come rambling; in truth he was the NERD who never was. Matt reminded Sandyballs that he should be preparing his own deathbed repentance and everybody else began to hum “Look on the Bright Side of Life” and look forward to lunch.

On, on we soldiered along the mighty Ouse getting muddier and muddier.

Froggy as usual led from the back and could be heard discussing The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling with Matt who had made it his personal Christmas charity this year. A helicopter from the Electricity Board swooped down to give us a closer look perhaps hoping Matt had some Gorgeous Lady Wrestlers about his person but he had obviously left them behind at his house furiously typing up his own will and deathbed repentance.

At Rodmell we turned left and went through some farmer's fields and then up a muddy track through the village towards The Abergavenny Arms. Inside we went through the usual procedure of finding a table, changing table, sitting down and changing table once again because Matt didn't like the colour of the tablecloth or something...... Still, we ended up in a very cosy situation right next to the roaring fire –

which we'd been trying to avoid all along. Paco was elected to be the burnt offering and everbody started quarrelling about who had the most scampis on their plate.

Sandyballs suddenly spotted a bunch of women who he recognised, and drew Lafayette's attention to Mel, who used to give Laf. a lift to Lewes Bonfire in the Old Days before the internet and mobile phones had been invented. “ I remember you,” said Lafayette, “Yes”, she replied, “I saw you the other week at Lewes Crown Court where I work; you were doing your bit for society by sending down some nasty piece of work for GBH.” “ Too right,” replied Lafayette. “ Now there aren't any Algerians to knock off I have to get my kicks somehow. By the way didn't you have a little daughter aged about six?” “ That'll be me.” growled a sullen young woman opposite, face glued to her mobile. “I'm twenty six now and just been done for GBH.” Lafayette gulped and hastily moved on. Don't time fly!

Post prandial dinks were mooted and Curly recommended the sambucca which he'd recently been drinking on one of his exotic holidays – and very nice it was too. Sandyballs still couldn't speak that well and Paco was getting quite crispy now so we finished our drinks and decided to explore Froggy's new, exciting path outside.

“Here's my new, secret, exciting path.” quoth Froggy, and  'twas true, some rambling organisation had gone to a great deal of trouble to cover the muddy bits with stones and put a signpost up saying “New Secret Exciting Path discovered by Froggy Reeve.”

at the beginning of the path. Lafayette forbore to mention that he'd actually come across this path the week before during a Darkside ramble up to Breaky Bottom, and the sign should have read “ Wonderful, Secret, Exciting Path actually introduced to Lafayette by Darkside Quazi, Ed.” but I expect the rambling organisation thought this might have been a tad too long to get all on one signpost. Besides which, Lafayette didn't want to ruin Froggy's surprise.

So back we went to Southease and waved off  Sandyballs who was going back in the opposite direction to another croaky dinner party in Lewes.

(How middle class). S.B. and Froggy were trying to out do each other to see who could take the best selfie across the railway track,

and Matt sighed and said that rambles these days were turning into NERDS- Lite events and that he was going home to seek solace from his Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.

So, a good ramble from Froggy, even though his secret had been blown. It had been a pleasant day and we hope that Sandyballs gets his voice back soon. Next month is the Christmas ramble (and meal ) which S.B. and Laf. have yet to organise. It might take a few drinks in a few pubs for them to get round to making a final decision. Watch this space.

Lafayette.