January 2015 Joining Instructions

Dear NERDS/Darkside,
The next joint ramble will take place on Wednesday 7th Jan 2015 and will start from Newhaven Town Station at 10 30hrs - approx.
I have booked lunch at The Flying Fish in Denton at 13 00hrs - Malcolm, all the girls are dying to see you again so please try to make it for lunch.
The pub is sending me a menu and would like us to make choices before we go, so I shall be sending this out in due course.
Happy Christmas to all.
Charlie/Lafayette.

NERDS' Ramble No. 302  Wed.  10/12/14.

Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Paco, Curly, B.T. Bronco, Mystery Guest.

Christmas Ramble 2014 – “It seems alright to me.” (said in a scottish accent.)

Aye, the NERDS sure know how to party! They all met up at Lewes station

(apart from Mystery Guest and Bronco) and were told by Sandyballs that leg one of the “ramble” would end up at The Brewers – because it's the only pub in Lewes which opens at 10 o'clock. Not a bad idea, we thought, so wound our way round the quaint narrow streets of the town

and through the very pleasant environs of Southover Grange park

where Sandyballs used to take Flintoff  Ryan for his daily walks and where they both used to ogle the Lewes brand of Milfs who used to hang out there with their milflings.

In The Brewers the NERDS

tried the porter (a good breakfast drink) and met Julian, brother of Andy,

who had been a NERD sympathiser and Harveys drinker for many years. Julian said he would like to have accompanied us on our “ramble” that day but he was getting too old to walk and he liked to sit and drink the day away instead. (Sounds like the new brand of NERD in Nerds- Lite

as intiated by Matt (currently in Burma.)

Paco sat there vapour smoking

– a new departure, and showed Lafayette how to indulge in this questionable habit. It was a bit like breathing fog in and out, and Lafayette thought he might not actually take it up permanently. He and Sandyballs agreed to smoke a cigar on the latter's 70^th birthday, and extend this to indulging in whores and cocaine – if they'd managed to save up enough by then. B. T. put himself about a bit, got the drinks in and became Froggy's assistant Quazi for the day. He and Lafayette

had been trying out some new calvados the previous evening and were feeling just a teensy weensy bit jaded that day.

Tearing ourselves away from The Brewers we descended into Lewes and found Bronco in the middle of the shopping centre sans horse and looking lost.

So we gathered him up and dragged him along with the rest of the merry band along Cliffe High Street until we reached The Gardeners Arms. Bronco looked fine, he always looks fine; he said Crunchie (horse) was costing him a fortune in vet's bills because of his age, and we wondered how Crunchie would be able to pay the vet's bills for Bronco when he got really old.

The Gardeners was selling Harvey's Christmas Ale at 7.5% so it was quite strong stuff. Better only have a half. Nice it was, but B.T. thought it too sweet and passed it over to Lafayette to finish. Lafayette hadn't had much breakfast and started seeing stars, blamed it on the Paco fog but was dragged out of the pub by Sandyballs who wanted to go to The Snowdrop to ensure the Mystery Guest was properly received for lunch.

So down to The Snowdrop. (Good job this wasn't a Temperance Ramble) where lurking in the shadows was the Mystery Guest, and surprise, surprise, it turned out to be Mrs Sandyballs (third time for her),

who had got bored with doing christmas shopping and had come along to keep S.B. in order. In due course the rest of the NERDS rolled up having finished their rations of Christmas Ale, and greeted the M.G. with little surprise.

The Snowdrop is justifiably famed for its cuisine as it has an excellent chef and interesting bar staff.

By this stage Lafayette could not remember what he had eaten or drunk and had to rely on the scrawled evidence of a couple of embark cards to refresh his memory. Most people seemed to be eating turkey;

Lafayette vaguely remembered he had had a delightful cheesy stuffed mushroom to start,

and that was preceded by mulled wine, so no wonder the world seemed to be getting even more delightful. Sandyballs had a vague recollection of himself and Lafayette visiting this pub in days of yore to drink Wray and Nephew's rum with coffee. Lafayette had got this habit from some Jamaican relative of his daughter but sadly the present bar man ( dark with a pony tail ) had never heard of it – too young, you see.

However, he said “We've got this calvados stuff intead, I don't know whether you'd like that.” Do popes shit on bears! Much calvados later everyone was swaying around and Sandyballs had fallen asleep on  M.G.'s shoulder.

Much fun was had settling the bill as usual. Mystery Guest took charge as she was probably the most sensible and least drunk by this stage. However it's always a great challenge to make the money add up correctly. Finally it was achieved with no-one decking anybody else and the M.G. Family wandered off to put S.B. to bed.

Los Otros stayed on for a bit just to finish off the calvados bottle, and then Paco had a marvellous idea.

Having spent a large amount of money on his younger daughter's expensive education and made sure she had a driving licence,

Paco rang her up and proposed she bring the family bus over to take all the remaining NERDS back home. Since Laura was a delightful, generous girl, she agreed and so arrived in due course to pour everyone into the car.

What a heroine she was; nobody could remember the journey home (except Laura, we hope), but The NERDS were all incredibly grateful they didn't have to walk anywhere at this stage.

The biggest thanks of the “ramble” undoubtedly go to her. Well done, Laura!

Well, what a christmas it had been for the NERDS. We thank Sandyballs for organising the meal and the M.G., and thanks go to our Special Guests, B.T and Bronco for turning up. It was nice to see you both again.

Lafayette will arrange something in the new year for the next one – we may even see some of the Gatwick Darkside again.

Merry Christmas to All.

Lafayette.

November 2014 Ramble

NERDS' Ramble No. 301. Tuesday 25/11/14.

Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt, Curly Clarke, El Paco.

 Froggy's Exciting Secret Path Ramble.

Froggy had discovered a secret rambling path while out with his New Best Friend walking Dog Charlie. He wanted to show this to Lafayette who was somewhat sceptical that anyone would build a special path from the top of Southease along the mere quarter of a mile to Rodmell. However Froggy was insistent that this was so, and so the NERDS handed over the grave responsibility of being Routemaster to Froggipops once again.

This month poor Sandyballs had got over his terrible inability to drink due to a bad tooth, and instead had lost his voice to the extent that while attending a dinner party (how very Lewes) he had had to pass notes to his neighbours asking them to pass the fricassied peacock over or break open another jereboah of champagne. (By contrast Lafayette was reduced to texting his headphones-wearing daughter to pass him the salt from the other side of the breakfast table).

Anyway the ramble; ah yes, the ramble. Well the NERDS first of all sat around Lafayette's man-cave once again drinking some excellent Spanish brandy which S.B. had brought with him to lubricate his throat.

Laf. then whipped everybody out on to the train to Southease and then handed over the reins to Froggy.

It was a cold but bright day, however it had rained like hell recently and the going from Southease bridge along the river was very muddy. We talked about the sad passing of Hamish MacFindlay who, although not a NERD, really should have been one because of his well developed social skills and liking for a dram (in his alcoholic days). Poor Hamish, he was really too lazy to come rambling; in truth he was the NERD who never was. Matt reminded Sandyballs that he should be preparing his own deathbed repentance and everybody else began to hum “Look on the Bright Side of Life” and look forward to lunch.

On, on we soldiered along the mighty Ouse getting muddier and muddier.

Froggy as usual led from the back and could be heard discussing The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling with Matt who had made it his personal Christmas charity this year. A helicopter from the Electricity Board swooped down to give us a closer look perhaps hoping Matt had some Gorgeous Lady Wrestlers about his person but he had obviously left them behind at his house furiously typing up his own will and deathbed repentance.

At Rodmell we turned left and went through some farmer's fields and then up a muddy track through the village towards The Abergavenny Arms. Inside we went through the usual procedure of finding a table, changing table, sitting down and changing table once again because Matt didn't like the colour of the tablecloth or something...... Still, we ended up in a very cosy situation right next to the roaring fire –

which we'd been trying to avoid all along. Paco was elected to be the burnt offering and everbody started quarrelling about who had the most scampis on their plate.

Sandyballs suddenly spotted a bunch of women who he recognised, and drew Lafayette's attention to Mel, who used to give Laf. a lift to Lewes Bonfire in the Old Days before the internet and mobile phones had been invented. “ I remember you,” said Lafayette, “Yes”, she replied, “I saw you the other week at Lewes Crown Court where I work; you were doing your bit for society by sending down some nasty piece of work for GBH.” “ Too right,” replied Lafayette. “ Now there aren't any Algerians to knock off I have to get my kicks somehow. By the way didn't you have a little daughter aged about six?” “ That'll be me.” growled a sullen young woman opposite, face glued to her mobile. “I'm twenty six now and just been done for GBH.” Lafayette gulped and hastily moved on. Don't time fly!

Post prandial dinks were mooted and Curly recommended the sambucca which he'd recently been drinking on one of his exotic holidays – and very nice it was too. Sandyballs still couldn't speak that well and Paco was getting quite crispy now so we finished our drinks and decided to explore Froggy's new, exciting path outside.

“Here's my new, secret, exciting path.” quoth Froggy, and  'twas true, some rambling organisation had gone to a great deal of trouble to cover the muddy bits with stones and put a signpost up saying “New Secret Exciting Path discovered by Froggy Reeve.”

at the beginning of the path. Lafayette forbore to mention that he'd actually come across this path the week before during a Darkside ramble up to Breaky Bottom, and the sign should have read “ Wonderful, Secret, Exciting Path actually introduced to Lafayette by Darkside Quazi, Ed.” but I expect the rambling organisation thought this might have been a tad too long to get all on one signpost. Besides which, Lafayette didn't want to ruin Froggy's surprise.

So back we went to Southease and waved off  Sandyballs who was going back in the opposite direction to another croaky dinner party in Lewes.

(How middle class). S.B. and Froggy were trying to out do each other to see who could take the best selfie across the railway track,

and Matt sighed and said that rambles these days were turning into NERDS- Lite events and that he was going home to seek solace from his Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.

So, a good ramble from Froggy, even though his secret had been blown. It had been a pleasant day and we hope that Sandyballs gets his voice back soon. Next month is the Christmas ramble (and meal ) which S.B. and Laf. have yet to organise. It might take a few drinks in a few pubs for them to get round to making a final decision. Watch this space.

Lafayette.