NERDS' Ramble No. 296 - 24^th July 2014.

Those Present – NERDS: Froggy, Paco, Lafayette, Matt,

The Bish, Curly Clarke.

Darksiders – Sheila, Marion, Jane, Ed, Dave, Debbie.

Today was another joint bash between NERDS and Darksiders by popular request so that the NERDS could meet other people and hone their social skills by communicating with girlies. ( a long forgotten art).

Well, what a glorious day! It was sunny, it was hot, The NERDS turned up at Newhaven wearing a variety of exotic hats to wow the opposite sex, and clustered together under a tree near the port to protect their headgear.

The Darksiders turned up, were suitably impressed, and the game was afoot. (Or rather the ramble began).

Lafayette was in charge since his ally, Sandyballs, was off er..... doing something else (like being a mercenary at Gatwick or spending his blood money on foreign holidays again). So it was to be a seaside walk over the cliffs towards Peacehaven. Darksiders don't get to see the sea much since they're usually engaged in good works at airports or lying around reading the newspaper and thinking about the good old days etc. so it would be something of a treat for them.

Lafayette took everybody for a stroll through the Newhaven streets (that is, the safe ones where you wouldn't get robbed, importuned or sold out of date British Visitors passports by dodgy Nigerians). Then it was up the hill to the Coastwatch Lookout where Lafayette did most of his charity work (lounging around, drinking tea, talking to girlies and looking out for Somali pirates -

in fact more or less what he did at work, but now for free!)

The sun shone down, the seagulls cawed and it was a good job there was a sea breeze to mitigate the heat. Still, it was a good view over the Channel where the odd fishing boat was making a living bringing in cod for the cognoscenti and cannabis for the masses.

The NERDS and Darksiders plodded on fraternising and sororising too.

Everybody reached the Meridian monument where East meets West ( but only in the UK shall the twain meet).

Here poor Sheila met a pampered Indian girl who demanded she take a photo of her in front of the monument. Sheila agreed (she's nice like that, is Sheila) but the girl took so long arranging her hair, adjusting her knicks and re-applying her eye liner that, after taking the photo Sheila nearly lost sight of the main bunch and had to hurry to catch up. Good job Ed was keeping an eye out for stragglers.

Lunch was at The Smugglers Rest at Peacehaven which is a big pub and suitable for marauding bands of ramblers. We had all been here before so knew what to expect. After an initial dance around to get twelve people seated within conversation distance of each other, the Irish waitress (sic) got us settled and the aperitifs began. Fortunately the NERDS and the Darkside share a common attitude  to drink (get as much down you as you can ) so things started off OK. The NERDS were treated to having their horoscopes read out in public (A bit embarrassing for Lafayette who was told he would fall in love with the Bish (!) but it all worked out in the end).

At table No 2 Matt was heard teaching the Darksiders how to complain about everything and get free puddings; Froggy was heard dining out on his adventures up at Hadrian's Wall and Marion was trying to inject a little culture into the proceedings by explaining the plot of Mozart's Cosi fan Tutte to those who'd heard of Glyndebourne. (Casting pearls before NERDS springs to mind here.) On table No1 the Bish had been served with a substandard beef burger, so moaned to the waitress. However before she could attend to his complaint Lafayette snatched it up, doused it in sauce and swallowed it (Well, he was hungry). The waitress, despite what looked like a conspiracy to get extra food, did believe him and got him a free pint. Lafayette admitted the burger had been a bit dry – but so what?

After lunch it was back over the hot, arid cliffs to Newhaven. One or two of the NERDS bailed out at various points and got the bus back (Notably the Bish and Paco) Lafayette and Sheila were both disgusted. They would never do such a cowardly thing however incapable they might have felt after one or two drinks. But it was a pleasant walk back amongst all the flowers and butterflies on the winding paths.

Back at Newhaven more drink was demanded so Lafayette led everyone to the Ark, and we settled in the back garden in the sun and Dave gave us a lecture on the absolute brilliance of old railway timetables as opposed to the inaccuracy of the modern Google system (Yeah, yeah, yeah).........then someone requested fish and chips. So once again Lafayette got them up and marched them to his favourite fish and chippery round the corner where he did a deal for cash with his namesake there ( a female also called Lafayette). And so everyone sat scoffing fishy stuff infront of the sea looking at the boats and things.

It seemed to have all gone off OK; the weather had been great, Curly Clarke had re-met a lot of people he once knew at Gatwick; nobody had fallen out ( Laf. and the Bish had actually got even closer over that beef burger) and the Darksiders had seen the sea again. It had been nice to get everyone together so maybe we'll do it again sometime.

Nierdos Para Siempre und Darksiders Uber Alles!

Love to all.

Lafayette.

P.S. This is not a work of art; just an account of what probably happened. Lafayette has asserted his right under the Copyright Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the sole author of this work. So there.