April's Ramble 2017

NERDS' Ramble No. 329

Ramble, No. 329, Froggy's Birthday.

Those Present – Froggy, Sandyballs, Lafayette, Bish, Matt.

Froggy was 64 on this day.

What a youth! Only 64. All the other NERDS were insanely jealous of Froggy (of his age, that is) but real youth in the abstract sense is impossible to reclaim, and so we could only dream of times past

, of challenges conquered, of hearts broken, of 30 odd years of rambles undertaken.

Froggy, of course had written a song

about his momentous anniversary, definitely not a rip-off of that Beatles' song, oh no, more a variation of his previous masterpiece, Freight-squad Blues, but with a more solipsistic theme, about what a great lover

he had been, what a musical genius waiting to be discovered he was

and how he was easily the best cordon bleu chef

in the whole world. The NERDS

immediately banned him from singing it (especially in the street in front of everybody) but acceded to his request to change that day's ramble details.

Sandyballs had been prepared to drag us all up to the top of Seaford Head and therefore put our delicate lives in danger, but Froggy took the more pragmatic view of getting a bus to Alfriston and wandering along the mighty River Cuck up to Exeat.

And so we joined the Old Gits' queue outside Morrisons (everybody looked about 80) and ended up in the centre of Alfriston where Lafayette was torn between waiting for the icecream shop to open or having a pint in the Smugglers. Eventually we got bored waiting on the Smugglers and went down the road to The George which is a far better pub

and where Froggy was persuaded to buy us all a drink, it being his birthday and all that.

The NERDS lounged in the lounge on the sofas and Lafayette had just managed to persuade the amenable barmaid to give Froggy a kiss

for his birthday. Froggy hadn't had a kiss for ages nor had he had a pint for at least two weeks when Sandyballs managed to scupper the magic moment by warning her that she might catch some horrible disease. Never say that true romance is dead.

After this non-erotic interlude Froggy was elected Routemaster

and successfully led us along the Mighty Cuck to The Plough and Harrow at Litlington. It seemed that Wednesday was a popular day and so the NERDS ended up squashed around a small table in the far corner of the pub.

The first thing we noticed was the absurdly high prices for the lunches – but at least they had ham, egg and chips on the menu so Sandyballs was happy. The barmaid here had a face on her like a grumpy bulldog

so we thought trying to persuade her to kiss Froggy probably wouldn't go down too well.

Next year we might all have to club together, take Froggy somewhere special and pay for the service.

(Perhaps not.)

Somewhat disappointed with the Plough and Harrow on a number of counts, the NERDS once again put themselves under the command of our Routemaster who led us further alongside the Mighty Cuck for what seemed miles

and miles

until finally we fetched up at Exeat too exhausted even to crawl into the Golden Galleon to see what the barmaid looked like. Luckily a bus was coming so we all got on quick and wi-fied our way back to town. While Lafayette slept his way back to Newhaven on the bus the remainder dragged Froggy off somewhere for a final Birthday Drink (and who knows what else) in the moral cesspit that is known as Seaford.

Not a bad alternative ramble by Froggy, and we think he enjoyed his birthday OK. He got given a few cards and a remaindered Abba dvd which Sandyballs thought might come in useful for him.

Make sure you all read the alternative write-up about this day's outing put forward by Paco who missed our start by about five minutes but went on to have his own adventure that day with a woman and a dog(!).
[See in Comments section below.]

Us NERDS know how to enjoy ourselves, you know.

Lafayette.

Saint Patrick's Day Ramble 2017

NERDS' Ramble No. 328 .

Ramble 328 – St Patrick's Day 17th March 2017.

Those Present - Lafayette, Sandyballs, Froggy, Curly, Dio.


There were not a large number of Irish NERDS turning out for the St. Patrick's day ramble this year. Matt was on a cruise; Paco had decided his Irish ancestors would not approve of his attending so he stayed in bed. Dio consulted his Native American genes and came out in sympathy, and Curly and Sandyballs found they were the only ones with true green blood.

Oh, and Lafayette's lot all came from the rural parts of Staffordshire and didn't even know where Ireland was.

As custom demanded, everyone met up chez Laf. where we drank Jamesons (thanks for the contribution, Curly) and where Dio showed us phone pictures of a piper in NYC with flames coming out of his arse (don't ask). Then we all got on the bus to Rottingdean. The new buses have these tables up top where you can get wi fi – which is great if you know how to use it (like SB and Froggy) but a real bummer if you don't (like Laf. who has to sit and read a book or look out of the window on every bus journey.) - Sad, sad, sad.

At Rottingdean we approached the Black Horse hoping to see the sexy barmaid from a few years back but she'd run away so we got some male moron who was functional but dull.

Froggy found there was a large mirror just where we were sitting so took a lot of selfies of himself taking selfies of himself taking selfies ad infinitum.

We relocated to The Plough further up the High Street

where the beer was over £4 a pint but where the waitress was one of those slim blonde ones that Sandyballs so admires. She was more functional and interesting than the moron in the last pub so we had a good lunch of fish and chips and some of us even harboured lustful thoughts.

Next was a tiny bit of rambling up

to the windmill on Rottingdean hill

and then over the Downs to St Dunstan's. (Wonder if there's a St Dunstan's day we can all celebrate?)

May 19th

Then down to the main road where we caught a bus

( great ramble this) and ended up, by Curly's request, at The Molly Malone

pub in Brighton. Inside here it was just a sea of green. Everyone wore those daft leprachaun hats, everyone was drinking Guinness, there was Cheltenham races on the telly at full blast and the noise level was apocolyptic.

Soon even the NERDS got frightened that they would lose what little hearing they had left and moved round the corner to the more familiar territory of The Fiddlers Elbow where, guess what, everyone was wearing daft leprachaun hats, drinking Guinness and yelling and screaming at each other. Fortunately most of this mayhem was taking place out in the street so the noise was dissipated a little better.

The barmaids in the F.E. Were all unmoronic and pretty with shamrocks tattooed on their faces.

You could just about make them understand what you wanted to drink if you bellowed at them and as long as it was Guinness that you wanted. There was even a make-up corner away from the bar where trainee barmaids

were practising tattooing shamrocks and leprachauns

on to each others' faces. The mind boggles as to what quaint customs the barmaids might inflict on each other on St Dunstan's Day.

That's about all that happened really on this “ramble.” Lafayette has a vague memory of drinking something in Wetherspoons across the road (back to male, boring and moronic baristas) and then getting the bus back home to Newhaven.

Then he spent the next month with writer's block

because this ramble was essentially exactly the same as the one last year – but with fewer people. Still we all had some fun and Brian will be able to illustrate his blog with a few more green fairies

etc.

Poor Lafayette, he really needs to get out more rather than staying hunched over a typewriter

seeking inspiration from his beer stained notes. Never mind, all geniuses have their off weeks. Next ramble is Froggy's birthday so watch out!

Lafayette.

April 2017 Ramble

As some of you know, this month we walk on Wednesday 26th. Some of you may also know that this particular day is also the birthday of a member of the NERDS of mixed racial background. You have been warned!
In deference to him and other members of the Seaford community, I think it an idea to centre the ramble on their town. So I thought that a stroll up Seaford Head might be in order. WE can visit the picturesque Coastguard Cottages and then ramble to our lunchtime destination at whatever the Golden Galleon is now called. Then perhaps a number 12 bus back into Seaford.
Suggest we meet at Seaford Central station at 10.15? As the song goes: "Will you still be sending me a Valentine, birthday greeting, bottle of wine ....." (lyrics reproduced without kind permission of Lennon and McCartney)

Sandyballs

April's suggested new rambling date

Dear NERDS,

Sorry to muck you all about but I now find that I cannot make the proposed ramble on the 12th! Can we switch to Froggy's alternative date - Wednesday 26th?

Apparently that may be better for Matt and Curly.....

Rants, regrets, complaints, etc to the usual place.


SB

2017 April's Ramble date

A note from Sandyballs regarding the above.

On the 2 March rambles we failed to confirm a date for the April ramble, Anybody have an objection to Wednesday the 12th?





SB




This is, of course, the anniversary of

February's and March Ramble 2017

NERDS' Ramble No. 327 Wed. 1st March 2017

Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt, Curly.

The Poorly Old Men Ramble.

It was still winter. Lafayette was feeling crap. Seasonal colds were taking their toll. “Do I want to go out in this weather? It's going to be muddy, cold and rainy.” thought Lafayette. “ Better had, otherwise the other NERDS will think I'm a snowflake.”

reasoned Laf. So he got on the train where he met Matt who said he looked awful, and Froggy who was complaining about his bad back. “The outlook is grim,” thought Lafayette.

“Hope the Routemaster is in good nick otherwise we'll just be sitting around drinking in pubs and that won't do.” ( As if.....)

At Lewes the Routemaster was no better than anyone else, and probably worse. “ I've been tossing and turning all night with various lurgies and incredible erotic dreams,” ( Oh, no......that was Froggy with his amazingly sleep inducing viagra pills.)

Sandyballs did not look well but managed unerringly to take us to The Brewers Arms for an aperitif.

This amazing pub was not only related to S.B. but also opened at 10 00 hrs so that it could cope with all the breakfast drunkards who were piled up on its doorstep.

After a couple of breakfast pints

the NERDS were feeling more human but were then faced with some earth shattering news from Sandyballs himself. “I should like to announce,” he began. “ Uh, oh,” we thought, “he's going to get married again, what will his first wife make of this?” “ I should like to announce that I'm going back to work at Newhaven because I'm worried about the situation after Brexit.” (and I'm a money grabbing bastard at £18 per hour.) Shocked silence greeted this until someone pointed out that the old office had ceased to function and S.B. would have to mingle with nasty Customs types. “It matters not a jot to me,” said Sandyballs portentously, “My country needs me and I want to do my bit.” Lafayette asked him sarcastically if he was going to sit around all day drinking wine as he had done before, or whether it was the pull of watching Countdown that was the main attraction. “You may mock,” responded Sandyballs nobly “ but I feel my vocation coming back and I intend to work really hard.” Nobody was convinced........after all didn't retirement mean retirement?

However Sandyballs then demonstrated his organisational skills by leading his troops out of the pub through Lewes

and in the direction of B.T.'s old Landport Estate where the ramble proper would begin. Those of you students of recent NERDS' history will have realised that this route was taken but three rambles previously when it was celebrated as a “brand new ramble.”

The route was muddy and cold

and it began to rain almost as soon as we passed the polling station of B.T. UKIP fame. Had the weather been more pleasant it would have been a joy to walk near the Mighty Ouse and to appreciate the delights of the views over the valley but quite frankly we were cold with messy boots and just wanted to get into the next pub.

After half an hour or so we arrived in Offham and thankfully dashed into The Blacksmiths

where the picture of Virginia Woolf smiled down on us. “ Aye, she used to come in here for a drop of Harveys in the old days before she began collecting stones down by the river.” said the (foreign) landlord.

The food here was excellent

and Lafayette made a pig of himself with the “Really Naughty Icecream”

which was easily up to best italian standards. There was basically a choice between chicken pie and good steak, and both were deemed very good. The waiter came and told us about all the places he'd been waiting at and the NERDS told him about all the waiters they'd knocked off (before retirement, of course.)

Then began the long drag back into Lewes along the main road. This is always longer than you think but we continue to do it anyway. Puzzlingly, as we passed the Chalkpit (pub as was, now a curry house) a minibus dropped off a load of chinese looking types. Were they a tour group or the afternoon curry workers?

Nobody knew and Froggy's cantonese allowance had run out – so it remained a mystery.

Down into Lewes we went with Lafayette having to rest his poorly lungs occasionally, and then into The Elephant and Castle where Laf was amused to find a four page list of exotic beers but no food menu. Shows you what people in Lewes do, doesn't it? So after a restorative beer the NERDS all wended their way.

Not a bad ramble; pity about the weather but the pubs were all OK and in the end that's what matters when you're all old men.

Don't forget it's The St Patrick's Day ramble on 17th March.

Bring those big hats and turn up chez Laf. on the day.

Bye for now.

Lafayette.

St. Patrick's Day Ramble 2017

Dear NERDS,

St Patrick's Day Ramble is on Friday 17th March.
Meet up chez Lafayette at 10 30 hrs approx and bring your bus passes.
I have enough Jamesons to allow us all to drink a toast to Ireland ( although my own association is only tenuous and obtained through marriage.)

SCOFFERS
Monday 20th March. Again meet chez Laf. at 10 30hrs approx and we can have breakfast at that place in Newhaven we went to before that sells black pudding.

West quay Cafe.

See you on Friday 17th.

Lafayette.

2017 January Ramble

NERDS Ramble No 326. Wed. 4th Jan. 2017.


Those Present – NERDS - Lafayette,

 Sandyballs, Froggy, Matt, Curly, Paco, The Bish, Matrix Man (Dio), Shaz.

Darksiders - Ed, Marion, Sheila, Jane, Dave, Tim.

Lafayette's 70th Birthday Ramble.

Lafayette woke up that day with a feeling of doom. He realised suddenly that it was his birthday; that he had reached his three score years and ten; in effect, that he had become an old man

overnight and that the future for him held – well who knows.

Then he thought “ Oh well, there have been lots of rambles where he didn't know how he got home; lots of outings with people he liked to have outings with, and that day he was going out with his two favourite rambling groups so what could possibly go wrong?”

Picking up his tough bodyguard, Matrix Man, Lafayette was escorted to Lewes on the bus where the NERDS were waiting outside the RunAway Caff with arms full of birthday cards. There was too a KitKat from the Ginger M......,

the exotic waitress from the caff who had long been an ardent admirer of Lafayette and who had worshiped him from afar dazzled by his skills and renown as a famous author.

At this point however things looked as if they might fall apart.

People from all over Sussex began ringing Laf to say that their train would be late, that they had got lost, that their cat had gone missing, that their house had blown up etc etc. Lafayette was unfazed. “ No problem,” he said “ Just get down here when you can and we'll wait for you.” Then he and the NERDS (and bodyguard) retired into the RunAway to eat KitKats and drink coffee and brandy (thanks to the generosity of Froggy.)

Eventually the Darksiders turned up in dribs and drabs. Arrivals were so sporadic that the Bish christened this day as “The Shamble Ramble” but at least everyone managed to make the start. The weather was not unpleasant, quite mild in fact, and so after Froggy had taken a group photo outside the station

Lafayette led his crowd off in the direction of Kingston.

The route wound up Southover High Street, down a lane, round by the Rugby Club and past South Barn Farm where Lafayette's younger daughter, Dani Lafayette, was currently gainfully employed. Thereafter into Kingston where The Juggs was being prepared to celebrate The Birthday Bash. Now The Juggs has a nice long banqueting table in the back room which was able to seat a large number of people, and since we were fifteen that day it was ideal.

When Lafayette finally managed to extricate himself from making last minute arrangements (guess what, prosecco again) he found that his place at table had been adorned with a 70th birthday balloon

and lots of presents from his kind devotees. Strangely enough most of these presents seemed to centre around some sort of alcholic drink - not that Laf. is averse to such stuff indeed. He also got a nice cycling keyring from Sheila to use on the next occasion when his hip packed in and he was forced again to cycle everywhere!

Toasts were drunk in prosecco

and then everyone got down to the serious business of eating and drinking. Paco gave a monologue to Jane about his version of feminism which was interpreted by Shaz as “ All men must dominate women and they do all the work.” Laf said his contribution to feminism was to empty the dishwasher and make Mrs Lafayette tea all the time. Shaz said this was a good start but more effort must be made. Sheila asked Laf what she could do for him for his special present, and in true feminist spirit Laf said she could do a bit of pole-dancing for him.

Sheila seemed willing enough but almost immediately fell asleep on the table over her wine - much to Laf's chagrin.

As usual in The Juggs the food and drink were excellent, and thanks must go to Ed for all his fetching and carrying. Matt came up to the Darksiders end of the table and amused everyone with anecdotes of the years he had managed to foil illegal immigration at Newhaven – mostly conducted from the bar on the ferry. Froggy invited everyone to his next book signing ceremony when he finally got round to finishing volume six of his autobiography

“All shagged out at fourteen.” and Dio threatened to disclose some of the secrets of his mafiosi friends in New York.

At this point the NERDS all paid up and went off to be driven home by Matt. No more rambling for them. Apparently they finished the proceedings drinking in The Shore at Seaford so not a waste of an afternoon after all. The Darksiders woke up Sheila and set off back to Lewes via the windmill and several muddy fields. Dio took lots of photographs of ferocious cows and of Lafayette hanging on to his balloon and feeling like the famous picture of Winny the Pooh.

On arrival at the Lewes bypass Shaz scuttled over the high bridge saying that she had this phobia about large bridges over busy traffic. Apparently the experience, together with a certain amount of alchohol, makes her think she can fly - which is not usually a good idea, so she had to be dragged into both The Swan and The Kings Head at Southover to be calmed down.

And so the latest joint ramble came to an end. Lafayette

had had a marvellous time on his 70th and had received some very generous cards and presents. He gives thanks to all for coming and contributing, and to The Juggs for their usual high standard of food and drink. We look forward to another joint bash between the Darksiders and the NERDS sometime in the summer.

Happy New Year to everyone.

Lafayette.

January's Lafayette birthday ramble

Dear Darksiders and NERDS,

Many thanks to you all for the marvellous cards and presents you all gave me.

I hope you all had a good time and got home safely. I certainly enjoyed myself.

Thank you all once again.


Charlie.[Lafayette]

January's Joining Instructions

Dear NERDS and Darksiders,

Just to repeat the joining instructions which are: meet at Lewes station (probably in the Runaway Cafe) between 10 30 and 11 o'clock on Wednesday 4th Jan. (ie. tomorrow).

Can I ask you all to bring some change and small denomination notes with you - otherwise everyone ends up trying to pay for their meal with a fistful of £20 notes.

Thank you and see you all tomorrow.

Charlie.(Lafayette)