February's Exciting Ramble 2016

NERDS' Ramble No.315. Wed. 17th Feb. 2016.

Those Present – Lafayette, Froggy, Sandyballs, Matt,, The Bish.

Cury Clarke.

Back To Pete's.

Sandyballs needed inspiration

for a route this month. He was already looking ahead to the St Patrick's Day Ramble

, quickly followed by the “I'm here as a special Guest,” ramble which is when B.T. comes over. So what to do? Where to go? No problem we'll just recycle an old favourite and go round the reservoir to Pete's place (The Yew Tree) in Arlington.
Paco never turned up, of course, (probably hibernating)

but Matt rolled up in his new hat looking like a polish railway worker

. Very chic.Why couldn't he be prettier and look like a polish barmaid ?shucks! Anyway off we went to see the actual real, genuine, lovely blonde polish barmaid in the Runaway cafe on Lewes

station. Svetlana, for this was her name, always sighed sensuously when Lafayette would order a mocha coffee and asked her to put a brandy in it. Clearly she's a girl more used to lying naked, sipping vodka

enveloped in a bearskin on the steppes of central Europe – but I digress..........
The NERDS got the train to Berwick, closely following some nice girlie wearing stockings and a thigh tattoo (just like your mom did after the war) and sat down to work out a plan of action. When this came to nought they piled off the train with the Bish twisting his knee in this delicate operation, and went straight into The Berwick Inn

to see which Milf had taken over the place that month. It's an amazing fact that we come in here about every six months or so and there is always someone new in charge. Could be that they don't light the fire early enough, or the beer's off or there are too many frogs

in the garden, or the aliens have just put a curse on the place, but whatever it is there's never any other customers there but happily there's always a new milfy girlie there.
This one was rather unusual. A good six footer, she thrust our pints at us in a thrusty sort of way and Froggy immediately fell in love. The fire wasn't lit, and Lafayette didn't have Paco with him to get it going (see the Christmas Ramble). The place was cold and nipples

were beginning to harden so we drank up and resolved to face the outside world of freezing winds and boggy fields.
Sandyballs had warned us that there would be mud

, and, yes, there was lots of it. Sucky, sloppy, make sure you don't fall down in it type mud. We waded on. The Bish suffered; his poorly knee was clearly playing him up. We climbed a dangerous hill up to where you could see the reservoir and found ourselves confronted by an extremely muddy field containing a vast herd of excitable, wild horses

.What were we to do ? There was no going round them since the way forward was limited. So Lafayette put his faith in his own natural animal magnetism and climbed over the fence prepared to die for the sake of his companions. At this point the Bish, said he'd forgotten that Wednesday was when he usually washed his hair and turned round to limp back home.(No comment.)
Lafayette boldly strode forward, slosh, slosh, slosh. The wild horses rode towards him - thunder, thunder, thunder. A bloody tragedy looked inevitable

; the rest of the NERDS looked on anxiously wondering how they would break the news of Lafayette's heroic death to his poor weeping wife and children. But then, with a masterful gesture, Lafayette raised his hand and the charging hordes stopped. They weakened, and approached him submissively seeking a gift of apples or the like

. Lafayette smiled, he knew he had not been in danger, for who would dare to attack a member of The Holy NERDS!
Lafayette led his troops across the muddy field pausing only to deride the faithless cowardice of the Bish who by now was undoubtedly enjoying a sick day away from his rambling duties. The reservoir was approached and we all sang “Hey Delilah”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQIK3Te9Coo

Eventually we arrived at B.T. Bridge where our French member used to teeter along the parapet in the latter stages of rambles when he had enjoyed “ a good lunch.” Fortunately nobody was daft enough to try this today

, so we all crossed a stream,

through another field of miserable looking sheep, and we were in the lane that led to Pete's Pub.
The Yew Tree is a warm, cosy pub where rich pensioners with nothing else to do arrive in their hordes at about lunch time. The car park is always packed - not surprising since you're in the middle of the country – so the NERDS sat on the step and politely removed their boots

. Lafayette had thought ahead and put on his indoor sandels. Matt said he preferred to get his socks wet with urine when he went to the bog! Takes all sorts! Inside we all decided to have a roast, and knowing Pete's habit of giving you tons and tons of veg, this turned out to be a good decision. Lafayette had his usual Belgian chocolate icecream with a (small) bottle of Baileys, and resisted Sandyball's suggestion to repeat the exercise like he did once Christmas (Laf. likes icecream).
Peter himself emerged from the hinterland

and engaged us in conversation. He makes a very good host and almost remembers which one is Sandyballs and which one is Laf. After a general moan about the cost of expensive children and the profligacy of wives, Peter bought everyone a drink

and reminisced about the mad foreign one amongst us who used to sing and play the piano (badly). So we told him that Philby was dead and that the world was now a quieter place, and he was a little bit sad. We decided to arrange the second March ramble to come back to display B.T. to Peter to see if he remembered him, but in reality it was just cos we'd had such a good meal there we all wanted to go back. So now you know where you're going in March, Brian.
Since we'd all got fed and were mellow nobody wanted to brave the crappy fields or the ravaging Horses of the Apocolypse again, so we made our way back along the road. It was a lot safer and a lot less muddy. Of course we ended up in the Berwick Inn again and at least there was a fire to sit by. Matt produced some old photos of the NERDS taken about 1988

, and we all thought how handsome we looked in those days – but how much richer we were these days. Pity you can’t buy back youth with riches otherwise we'd all be broke.
And so a pleasant ramble and a good dinner which the Bish missed because of his cowardice and his poorly knee. Let's hope he gets better soon. Next ramble is St Paddy's when we welcome Dio back. He's not very Irish but he likes to go round and drink Guinness like in New York.
Nierdos Para Siempre.
Lafayette.

February 2016 Joining Instructions

This month we walk on Wednesday 17th. We will be revisiting an old favourite - the reservoir route from Berwick to Pete place - aka The Yew Tree.

Yes - again. Why not? Your Routemaster has to devise TWO Rambles for March - the 17th for the usual St Paddy's bash and the 23 rd for the BT special. Therefore I have had to fall back on a well-worn old favourite for this month

So Seaford/ Newhaven types take the 10.25 to Lewes where we will foregather at The Runaway Cafe prior to taking the 11.09 to Berwick. Maps will not be required but, to paraphrase the title of a Daniel Day-Lewis film, "There May Be MUD".

A visit to The Berwick Arms

cannot be ruled out.......







Sandyballs

Announcements

Dear All,


Just to confirm. The date for the
next Ramble will be Wednesday 17th.
Another item of news. My Katherine today (11th January 2016) produced our new grandchild. A girl this time - as yet unnamed.



Of course by the time she can legally have a drink she will, because of her gender, be ineligible to join the NERDS.



No matter that many of the present members could well be pushing up daisies by then. Perhaps she can apply to join the remnants of The Dark Side?



SB



PS David Bowie RIP

FEBRUARY RAMBLE 2016

After discussion with both of the other founder members, it has been decided to move the date of the ramble to Wednesday 17th. Hope this finds favour with at least some of you.

Details, as ever, to follow!

Sandyballs

Lafayette's reply

Thank you for your kind words about the prosecco and my skillful accounting arrangements.

Although I can make the 24th it comes the day after the next Darkside ramble (and I know how long and painful these can be) so could we either have a date earlier in the month or else a very short Feb ramble as I shall probably be feeling hung over and poorly?



Lafayette

February 2016 Preliminary joining instructions

I hope you all enjoyed the ramble yesterday.Thanks to Lafayette for the generous purchase of Prosecco.
Apart from the somewhat chaotic catering arrangements I think it all worked well. Maybe there would always be problems with a number of participants as large as 15.
Anyway NERDS agreed (I think) to have the February ramble on a Wednesday late in the month. 24th OK for everyone?

Sandyballs

January 2016 Ramble

NERDS' (joint) Ramble No. 314 - 6th Jan. 2016.



Those Present – (NERDS) – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt,

Paco, The Bish, Curly, Shaz, Dio.



Darksiders – Ed, Sheila, Jane, Roger, Marion, Dave.



The Joint Juggs Walk.



This was Lafayette's January walk and he was determined it would be shortish – as opposed to the marathon walks often organised by Darksider, Ed. The NERDS don't really care how far they ramble these days as long as there's a drink at the end of it; in fact for them - in view of advancing age, arthritis, bad chests and no prostates, often the shorter the better. (except for Dio

, of course, who is still disgustingly young).

Lafayette gave all those coming from a distance an extra hour in bed by starting from Lewes at after 11 00hrs, but when he led the NERDS into the Runaway cafe to await the London train he met two bleary eyed Darksiders, Ed

and Jane

, who had got there before everyone else. Were they a secret couple? They both vehemently denied this. No, Jane had simply just got a different train from what was expected, and Ed had probably been up since 4 o'clock doing his own 20 mile preparatory walk to keep up his own high standards of exercise.

After a bit of hanging around, the train came in from the North, and there was a lot of kissy kissy stuff among the Darksiders while the NERDS sat apart somewhat embarassed at all this emotive behaviour. However the more uninhibited NERDs managed to do a bit of kissy-kissy with Shaz

, who is after all an adopted NERD and likes a bit of kissy-kissy now and again.

Lafayette gathered them all up and proceeded down the road with a plan. He intended to stop after about 300 yards and take everybody into the Kings Head

in Southover for a quick pitstop.

Unfortunately the barmaid put up some legal impediment to this, saying it was not yet twelve o'clock (even though the pub was opened and licensed) and she was too young to serve beer before noon. I bet they don't have this trouble in the Baltic States where most of the Lewes barmaids come from. Imagine refusing to serve a dozen or so thirsty labouring Slavs

who might come piling in demanding a drink. There'd be a riot. Anyway Lafayette looked at her threateningly and said they'd all be back in due course whereupon he hoped she might have got her act together.

On, on, we went through Southover, under a waterlogged bridge, and round the path

skirting the Rugby Club. The weather for once this winter was not pissing down with rain; in fact it was bright sunny and pleasant. The NERDS began to fraternise with the Darksiders (although they drew the line at kissy-kissy stuff) and things were going reasonably well. Lafayette decided to go on the tarmac version of his walk since he knew the surrounding fields were sodden, but this didn't matter because the walk towards Kingston was pleasant and ruralish anyway.

Soon we all rocked up to The Juggs

where we were to take lunch. This pub is all low beams and open fireplaces. It comes into its own especially during the summer months when people sit outside to eat in its pleasant gardens and the sparrows zoom in to share your meal. Anyway we all piled in, thirsty by now, and managed to get a drink since this barman was old enough to service our requirements.

After he had gone off to inspect the dining arrangements Lafayette returned to the bar and was disturbed to find that somebody had agreed to put all the food and all the drinks on to one massive tab. Lafayette smelled future trouble here. We were dealing with two rambling groups with two separate systems of paying for drinks, with people having starters , not having starters, people who were mean with their money people who weren't drinking at all etc, ie. when it came to paying it was going to be total chaos. Still, he thought, after a few drinks I certainly won't care and I expect it'll all work out in the end.

To calm everyone down Lafayette ordered a few bottles of Prosecco

(paid for by himself – just in case you thought it had gone on the tab - to celebrate his birthday of two days previously) and this seemed to mellow everyone a bit. Darksiders especially like prosecco, or should I say that Ed likes buying prosecco for Darksiders – it's always somebody's birthday after all.

Then came the meal, and it must be said the food was very, very, good indeed ( except perhaps Marion's

vegetarian cauliflower sausages which she said tasted of nothing at all). The NERDS got stuck into the food and the Rioja and learned that poor Sheila had undertaken a New Year's pledge to eschew all drink in favour of water for a month to help all the poor orphans in Syria or the starving donkeys in Serbia or something. Very noble but not a good idea when faced with a large rambling occasion. Lafayette was sure that the poor little donkeys

would be grateful to know that Sheila was thinking about them!

Finally the bill arrived, and yes it caused utter mayhem. Lafayette found he was surrounded by a lot of arguing voices, a lot of banknotes and a lot of females giving him advice on how to proceed. Such fun! However he kept his cool and found there was enough to cover everything including a reasonable tip. By this time he'd drunk so much prosecco and rioja that he didn't give a damn anyway.

And so we left The Juggs and wandered through Kingston to get on the path back to Lewes. We went up a steep hill, passed a white windmill

and over a fairly muddy plain to descend into the town. Sandyballs had a sudden senior moment and declared he was lost, which was pretty funny really considering he actually lives in Lewes and was only about a mile from his house.

Lafayette managed to navigate enerringly back by striking out towards the nearest pub – The Swan at Southover

- where there seemed to be some party going on which involved a lot of small kids screaming and running around our feet.. It was at this point that a lot of people who had trains to catch bailed out and went home. Meanwhile the Last Men Standing stayed and tried to drink each other under the table. (This was, of course, Ed, Lafayette and Shaz – although Dio was there but he didn't count since he was only drinking coca cola).

Shaz then peeled off and staggered back to the station leaving only Ed, Lafayette and Dio to go to the Kings Head to berate the former barmaid and demand a drink now it was past twelve o'clock. (They got one).

And so the latest joint ramble wound up. The weather had been good and everyone seemed to have enjoyed themselves. Lafayette had got a nice card and birthday present from Sheila and nobody had fallen out with anyone else (quite an achievement for the NERDS) We missed Bronco who had been ill that day and wish him a speedy recovery from his cold.

And so to the next NERDS outing which is some time in February.

Lets hope since it's just the NERDS there won't be any kissy-kissy this time. ( especially from you, Matt) so see you all whenever.



Love to all.

Lafayette.

6th January 2016 Ramble joining instructions

Dear NERDS and Darksiders,

The next ramble/walk will be on the above date beginning at Lewes at 11 30hrs

approx.

NERDS get the Seaford train

at 10 57 hrs arriving in Lewes at 11 12 hrs.

Darksiders take the train from Victoria

which arrives in Lewes at 11 24hrs.



NOW, Food

I have informed The Juggs Kingston

that we shall be lunching there at 13 00 hrs.

They would like us to specify our choices beforehand: (starter and main course only to be chosen - if you want both, desserts can be chosen on the day.)

Can I ask you all therefore to Google The Juggs Kingston: http://www.shepherdneame.co.uk/pubs/lewes/juggs, go to their menu and send your choices to me. I shall then forward them to the pub.

Please let me have your choices as soon as you can.

Hope you all had a drunken Christmas.



Lafayette/Charlie

Christmas 2015 "Ramble"

NERDS' Ramble No. 313 – Wed. 9/12/15.


Christmas Ramble 2015.


Those Present - Lafayette, Sandyballs, Matt, Froggy, Curly, Paco, Dio, Bronco, The Bish, The Captain.


It's amazing how many NERDS crawl out of the woodwork for the Christmas ramble; what Matt calls the “Pick & Mix Crowd.”

Still, it meant we get a decent number together at least once a year and avoids Lafayette having to supplement the crowd with a lot of girlies from Gatwick. “Boo, boo,” I hear you all cry. No girlies! That's in contravention of Rule 2 of the NERDS' constitution. At least not until Lafayette's birthday ramble next month when it's a joint one with the Gatwick Girlies and Boylies (Otherwise known as The Darkside.

So, a meeting of the fold took place at The Runaway Cafe on Lewes station where Lafayette was the only one to have a drink (such a lowering of NERDS' standards, sigh) and where Froggy was seen modelling the latest in Davy Crockett coon skin hats.

(Looked like something he'd caught in the outhouse and subsequently strangled). Dio had turned up looking even more like Matrix Man in leather and long black coat,

althought the image was somewhat spoiled by the smoking gadget, (you really can't look cool while vaping, no, sorry). Anyway we were at that time short of the Captain who was doing his own ramble and starting from Seaford (!!!) and Bronco

who we discovered hiding amongst all the scaffolding of the station carrying a saddle and looking for his horse.

During the train journey to Berwick Bronco showed Lafayette his new Rolex (flash git!) and told him he was thinking of buying a Swiss army penknife so that he could finally extract all the stones from Crunchie's hooves. “ I thought you had stable girls to do all that sort of stuff,” said Laf. but Bronco reckoned they were all incompetent , even the pretty blonde ones, and besides he was more interested in starting a new collection of gadgets. “ Ah, I can indeed help you with that,” quoth Laf. “Have you ever thought of collecting airrifles; I've got an awful lot I need to get rid of.”

The NERDS detrained at Berwick and resolved to pay a visit to Milf Central (aka the Berwick Arms) – as long as it was open - it was. Meanwhile S.B. and Laf were chatting to a middle aged cyclist who had paused to let the train go by and who was riding a smart bike (another gadget). Sandyballs asked him how many bikes he had and was told two, a summer one and a winter one.

S.B. smirked because he had at least four and one with disc brakes, so there.

So into The Berwick Arms to see this year's Milf (they apparently change every year, get worn out with work or something. It's a bit like going to visit the Oracle in Delphi, only for NERDS. (“Oh comely Milf, what is the Meaning of Life?” “ Don't know, Saddo, now what do you want to drink?” This year's version was quite pleasant and called Carly (what else?). She liked Sandyball's shirt

and scarf and Laf. quickly ordered a pint before she could get distracted and rip them off. The boss ordered her to make the fire up for his guests but Laf could see she was fairly incompetent in this respect (Don't you know you've got to get the ashes up first or it won't go?) and made her go and get more drinks while he and Paco set about the task.

Now lighting fires is one thing all boys grew up with. Either they were taught to do it by their doting mothers (Laf.) or else they had to do it to survive on the windswept plains of the Iberian Peninsular (Paco). At any rate these two soon had a good blaze going while the rest lounged in armchairs and drank pints. As usual it was only Laf and S.B. who organised a whip between them. The rest were either being stingy, being abstinent or being NERDS Separatists (boring). But soon it became time to get a move on for our tarmac ramble towards lunch.

One thing about “rambling” from the Berwick Arms to The Cricketers,

you aint gonna get covered in mud even in December. You don't even have to wear rambling boots. (good for Pacos’). And so we strolled along the road and the cycle path towards the dread A27 where more than one NERD has nearly come to grief – probably due to drink.

Fortunately no-one met their maker at the said death-trap and we entered the pub to find the Captain who had (stupidly) taken in a muddy ramble from Seaford and had had to wear boots for this purpose. The captain had his Santa hat on (see photos)

and was full of ale and good cheer. The NERDS all sat in the side room, which was fine, there was loads of space

and we were served by a couple of attentive servant girls who sounded as though they came from somewhere east of the Carpathian mountains. The food and drink was good

and The Bish

told the tale of how he was asked to produce I/d to get a drink in America recently despite looking from birth as though he was over 21. Laf and S.B. tried out the Harvey's Christmas Ale (8 and 1/2% so only half a pint) and decided to make a very careful assessment of the A27 on the way back.

No mud and no casualties on the way back, hooray!

The weather even seemed to be on our side for it was sunny and the Sussex fields looked rather pleasant (especially after a few pints and a couple of bottles of wine). We regained our seats in Milf Central although the incompetent Milf incumbent had let the fire go down. She was, however, adept at bringing us drinks and coffee.We allowed Matt

to sit in the Best Seat somewhere away from the fire so that his nylons wouldn't get scorched and we made full use of S.B's hipflask ( another old NERDS' custom – to save pub money)

The Milf pronounced that The Meaning of Life was to get arseoled and laid and looked as though she enjoyed doing both, so we paid her fees and left the place for another year. Who might be there next year? Would she be attractive, intuitive, prophetic and would she be able to make fires better than Paco and Laf? “Quién sabe”?

We managed to get the train back into Lewes without missing it about three times and then all The Pick & Mix disappeared for another year (cowards). Yet Paco

had this marvellous idea for getting the Hard- core home; he put on his quavering grandpa voice and begged his daughter, the Lovely Lara, to drive over to Lewes and take himself Laf and Dio back home. Such a charming, well brought up girl! Hope he buys her a big present for Christmas.

So thanks to Sandyballs

for arranging it all, and don't forget the Lafayette birthday Bash on Jan 6th with the Darksiders. Dio, make sure to come as well; the Darkside nymphomaniacs are looking forward to meeting you!

Joyeux Noel a tous.

Lafayette.

Last Minute Arrangements

It looks like we will have good weather for the festive romp on Wednesday. God smiles on the righteous - as ever.

Please bring plenty of money!

Those having a meagre 2 courses will have to pay either £19 or £20. Normal people having 3 courses will be shelling out £26 - apart from Bronco, who will be paying an eye-watering £31. It may help if some of you have some change as well. 10 people all proffering £20 notes may cause some difficulty. Don't forget change

for tips for our pulchritudinous waitresses

( I am hoping and assuming here).

The purchase of alcoholic beverages is somewhat more problematic. Doubtless there will be wailing and the gnashing of teeth as NERDS fall out as to who drank what. Hopefully this will not degenerate into fisticuffs.

A good time will hopefully be had by all. See y'all in The Runaway Cafe.

SandyB.

December Christmas Ramble Joining Instructions

Dear Fellow NERDS,

The time for our annual festive knees-up

is approaching. A week from today as I write. Wednesday 9th.

Seaford types should take the 10.25 train, collecting Lafayette en route, arriving at Lewes at 10.44. As is now our custom, we then repair to The Runaway Cafe (apparently soon to close, by the way) for a coffee and an optional brandy.

The Berwick train leaves at 11.09 and arrives at 11.20. As you have probably guessed, we then visit The Berwick Arms for a couple of stirrup-cups of whatever you fancy.

Then we tackle the rigours of the cycle-path and quiet lanes to The Cricketers, where we are booked for the meal at 13.00 hrs. An unashamedly tarmac ramble. Boots, muddy or not, should not be required.

One point, previous Xmas rambles have been a little chaotic on the finance side due to people ordering drinks (wine, etc)

and putting them on the bill. This makes it difficult when the bill arrives, as some NERDS drink less than others! Therefore it might be an idea if people buy their own drinks at the bar - sharing a bottle with a chum, for example. Just an idea.

Hope everyone turns up and that we all have a jolly good time.

Exotic headgear, badges and unruly behaviour - are all optional!

Sandyballs