January 2016 Ramble

NERDS' (joint) Ramble No. 314 - 6th Jan. 2016.



Those Present – (NERDS) – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt,

Paco, The Bish, Curly, Shaz, Dio.



Darksiders – Ed, Sheila, Jane, Roger, Marion, Dave.



The Joint Juggs Walk.



This was Lafayette's January walk and he was determined it would be shortish – as opposed to the marathon walks often organised by Darksider, Ed. The NERDS don't really care how far they ramble these days as long as there's a drink at the end of it; in fact for them - in view of advancing age, arthritis, bad chests and no prostates, often the shorter the better. (except for Dio

, of course, who is still disgustingly young).

Lafayette gave all those coming from a distance an extra hour in bed by starting from Lewes at after 11 00hrs, but when he led the NERDS into the Runaway cafe to await the London train he met two bleary eyed Darksiders, Ed

and Jane

, who had got there before everyone else. Were they a secret couple? They both vehemently denied this. No, Jane had simply just got a different train from what was expected, and Ed had probably been up since 4 o'clock doing his own 20 mile preparatory walk to keep up his own high standards of exercise.

After a bit of hanging around, the train came in from the North, and there was a lot of kissy kissy stuff among the Darksiders while the NERDS sat apart somewhat embarassed at all this emotive behaviour. However the more uninhibited NERDs managed to do a bit of kissy-kissy with Shaz

, who is after all an adopted NERD and likes a bit of kissy-kissy now and again.

Lafayette gathered them all up and proceeded down the road with a plan. He intended to stop after about 300 yards and take everybody into the Kings Head

in Southover for a quick pitstop.

Unfortunately the barmaid put up some legal impediment to this, saying it was not yet twelve o'clock (even though the pub was opened and licensed) and she was too young to serve beer before noon. I bet they don't have this trouble in the Baltic States where most of the Lewes barmaids come from. Imagine refusing to serve a dozen or so thirsty labouring Slavs

who might come piling in demanding a drink. There'd be a riot. Anyway Lafayette looked at her threateningly and said they'd all be back in due course whereupon he hoped she might have got her act together.

On, on, we went through Southover, under a waterlogged bridge, and round the path

skirting the Rugby Club. The weather for once this winter was not pissing down with rain; in fact it was bright sunny and pleasant. The NERDS began to fraternise with the Darksiders (although they drew the line at kissy-kissy stuff) and things were going reasonably well. Lafayette decided to go on the tarmac version of his walk since he knew the surrounding fields were sodden, but this didn't matter because the walk towards Kingston was pleasant and ruralish anyway.

Soon we all rocked up to The Juggs

where we were to take lunch. This pub is all low beams and open fireplaces. It comes into its own especially during the summer months when people sit outside to eat in its pleasant gardens and the sparrows zoom in to share your meal. Anyway we all piled in, thirsty by now, and managed to get a drink since this barman was old enough to service our requirements.

After he had gone off to inspect the dining arrangements Lafayette returned to the bar and was disturbed to find that somebody had agreed to put all the food and all the drinks on to one massive tab. Lafayette smelled future trouble here. We were dealing with two rambling groups with two separate systems of paying for drinks, with people having starters , not having starters, people who were mean with their money people who weren't drinking at all etc, ie. when it came to paying it was going to be total chaos. Still, he thought, after a few drinks I certainly won't care and I expect it'll all work out in the end.

To calm everyone down Lafayette ordered a few bottles of Prosecco

(paid for by himself – just in case you thought it had gone on the tab - to celebrate his birthday of two days previously) and this seemed to mellow everyone a bit. Darksiders especially like prosecco, or should I say that Ed likes buying prosecco for Darksiders – it's always somebody's birthday after all.

Then came the meal, and it must be said the food was very, very, good indeed ( except perhaps Marion's

vegetarian cauliflower sausages which she said tasted of nothing at all). The NERDS got stuck into the food and the Rioja and learned that poor Sheila had undertaken a New Year's pledge to eschew all drink in favour of water for a month to help all the poor orphans in Syria or the starving donkeys in Serbia or something. Very noble but not a good idea when faced with a large rambling occasion. Lafayette was sure that the poor little donkeys

would be grateful to know that Sheila was thinking about them!

Finally the bill arrived, and yes it caused utter mayhem. Lafayette found he was surrounded by a lot of arguing voices, a lot of banknotes and a lot of females giving him advice on how to proceed. Such fun! However he kept his cool and found there was enough to cover everything including a reasonable tip. By this time he'd drunk so much prosecco and rioja that he didn't give a damn anyway.

And so we left The Juggs and wandered through Kingston to get on the path back to Lewes. We went up a steep hill, passed a white windmill

and over a fairly muddy plain to descend into the town. Sandyballs had a sudden senior moment and declared he was lost, which was pretty funny really considering he actually lives in Lewes and was only about a mile from his house.

Lafayette managed to navigate enerringly back by striking out towards the nearest pub – The Swan at Southover

- where there seemed to be some party going on which involved a lot of small kids screaming and running around our feet.. It was at this point that a lot of people who had trains to catch bailed out and went home. Meanwhile the Last Men Standing stayed and tried to drink each other under the table. (This was, of course, Ed, Lafayette and Shaz – although Dio was there but he didn't count since he was only drinking coca cola).

Shaz then peeled off and staggered back to the station leaving only Ed, Lafayette and Dio to go to the Kings Head to berate the former barmaid and demand a drink now it was past twelve o'clock. (They got one).

And so the latest joint ramble wound up. The weather had been good and everyone seemed to have enjoyed themselves. Lafayette had got a nice card and birthday present from Sheila and nobody had fallen out with anyone else (quite an achievement for the NERDS) We missed Bronco who had been ill that day and wish him a speedy recovery from his cold.

And so to the next NERDS outing which is some time in February.

Lets hope since it's just the NERDS there won't be any kissy-kissy this time. ( especially from you, Matt) so see you all whenever.



Love to all.

Lafayette.

6th January 2016 Ramble joining instructions

Dear NERDS and Darksiders,

The next ramble/walk will be on the above date beginning at Lewes at 11 30hrs

approx.

NERDS get the Seaford train

at 10 57 hrs arriving in Lewes at 11 12 hrs.

Darksiders take the train from Victoria

which arrives in Lewes at 11 24hrs.



NOW, Food

I have informed The Juggs Kingston

that we shall be lunching there at 13 00 hrs.

They would like us to specify our choices beforehand: (starter and main course only to be chosen - if you want both, desserts can be chosen on the day.)

Can I ask you all therefore to Google The Juggs Kingston: http://www.shepherdneame.co.uk/pubs/lewes/juggs, go to their menu and send your choices to me. I shall then forward them to the pub.

Please let me have your choices as soon as you can.

Hope you all had a drunken Christmas.



Lafayette/Charlie

Christmas 2015 "Ramble"

NERDS' Ramble No. 313 – Wed. 9/12/15.


Christmas Ramble 2015.


Those Present - Lafayette, Sandyballs, Matt, Froggy, Curly, Paco, Dio, Bronco, The Bish, The Captain.


It's amazing how many NERDS crawl out of the woodwork for the Christmas ramble; what Matt calls the “Pick & Mix Crowd.”

Still, it meant we get a decent number together at least once a year and avoids Lafayette having to supplement the crowd with a lot of girlies from Gatwick. “Boo, boo,” I hear you all cry. No girlies! That's in contravention of Rule 2 of the NERDS' constitution. At least not until Lafayette's birthday ramble next month when it's a joint one with the Gatwick Girlies and Boylies (Otherwise known as The Darkside.

So, a meeting of the fold took place at The Runaway Cafe on Lewes station where Lafayette was the only one to have a drink (such a lowering of NERDS' standards, sigh) and where Froggy was seen modelling the latest in Davy Crockett coon skin hats.

(Looked like something he'd caught in the outhouse and subsequently strangled). Dio had turned up looking even more like Matrix Man in leather and long black coat,

althought the image was somewhat spoiled by the smoking gadget, (you really can't look cool while vaping, no, sorry). Anyway we were at that time short of the Captain who was doing his own ramble and starting from Seaford (!!!) and Bronco

who we discovered hiding amongst all the scaffolding of the station carrying a saddle and looking for his horse.

During the train journey to Berwick Bronco showed Lafayette his new Rolex (flash git!) and told him he was thinking of buying a Swiss army penknife so that he could finally extract all the stones from Crunchie's hooves. “ I thought you had stable girls to do all that sort of stuff,” said Laf. but Bronco reckoned they were all incompetent , even the pretty blonde ones, and besides he was more interested in starting a new collection of gadgets. “ Ah, I can indeed help you with that,” quoth Laf. “Have you ever thought of collecting airrifles; I've got an awful lot I need to get rid of.”

The NERDS detrained at Berwick and resolved to pay a visit to Milf Central (aka the Berwick Arms) – as long as it was open - it was. Meanwhile S.B. and Laf were chatting to a middle aged cyclist who had paused to let the train go by and who was riding a smart bike (another gadget). Sandyballs asked him how many bikes he had and was told two, a summer one and a winter one.

S.B. smirked because he had at least four and one with disc brakes, so there.

So into The Berwick Arms to see this year's Milf (they apparently change every year, get worn out with work or something. It's a bit like going to visit the Oracle in Delphi, only for NERDS. (“Oh comely Milf, what is the Meaning of Life?” “ Don't know, Saddo, now what do you want to drink?” This year's version was quite pleasant and called Carly (what else?). She liked Sandyball's shirt

and scarf and Laf. quickly ordered a pint before she could get distracted and rip them off. The boss ordered her to make the fire up for his guests but Laf could see she was fairly incompetent in this respect (Don't you know you've got to get the ashes up first or it won't go?) and made her go and get more drinks while he and Paco set about the task.

Now lighting fires is one thing all boys grew up with. Either they were taught to do it by their doting mothers (Laf.) or else they had to do it to survive on the windswept plains of the Iberian Peninsular (Paco). At any rate these two soon had a good blaze going while the rest lounged in armchairs and drank pints. As usual it was only Laf and S.B. who organised a whip between them. The rest were either being stingy, being abstinent or being NERDS Separatists (boring). But soon it became time to get a move on for our tarmac ramble towards lunch.

One thing about “rambling” from the Berwick Arms to The Cricketers,

you aint gonna get covered in mud even in December. You don't even have to wear rambling boots. (good for Pacos’). And so we strolled along the road and the cycle path towards the dread A27 where more than one NERD has nearly come to grief – probably due to drink.

Fortunately no-one met their maker at the said death-trap and we entered the pub to find the Captain who had (stupidly) taken in a muddy ramble from Seaford and had had to wear boots for this purpose. The captain had his Santa hat on (see photos)

and was full of ale and good cheer. The NERDS all sat in the side room, which was fine, there was loads of space

and we were served by a couple of attentive servant girls who sounded as though they came from somewhere east of the Carpathian mountains. The food and drink was good

and The Bish

told the tale of how he was asked to produce I/d to get a drink in America recently despite looking from birth as though he was over 21. Laf and S.B. tried out the Harvey's Christmas Ale (8 and 1/2% so only half a pint) and decided to make a very careful assessment of the A27 on the way back.

No mud and no casualties on the way back, hooray!

The weather even seemed to be on our side for it was sunny and the Sussex fields looked rather pleasant (especially after a few pints and a couple of bottles of wine). We regained our seats in Milf Central although the incompetent Milf incumbent had let the fire go down. She was, however, adept at bringing us drinks and coffee.We allowed Matt

to sit in the Best Seat somewhere away from the fire so that his nylons wouldn't get scorched and we made full use of S.B's hipflask ( another old NERDS' custom – to save pub money)

The Milf pronounced that The Meaning of Life was to get arseoled and laid and looked as though she enjoyed doing both, so we paid her fees and left the place for another year. Who might be there next year? Would she be attractive, intuitive, prophetic and would she be able to make fires better than Paco and Laf? “Quién sabe”?

We managed to get the train back into Lewes without missing it about three times and then all The Pick & Mix disappeared for another year (cowards). Yet Paco

had this marvellous idea for getting the Hard- core home; he put on his quavering grandpa voice and begged his daughter, the Lovely Lara, to drive over to Lewes and take himself Laf and Dio back home. Such a charming, well brought up girl! Hope he buys her a big present for Christmas.

So thanks to Sandyballs

for arranging it all, and don't forget the Lafayette birthday Bash on Jan 6th with the Darksiders. Dio, make sure to come as well; the Darkside nymphomaniacs are looking forward to meeting you!

Joyeux Noel a tous.

Lafayette.

Last Minute Arrangements

It looks like we will have good weather for the festive romp on Wednesday. God smiles on the righteous - as ever.

Please bring plenty of money!

Those having a meagre 2 courses will have to pay either £19 or £20. Normal people having 3 courses will be shelling out £26 - apart from Bronco, who will be paying an eye-watering £31. It may help if some of you have some change as well. 10 people all proffering £20 notes may cause some difficulty. Don't forget change

for tips for our pulchritudinous waitresses

( I am hoping and assuming here).

The purchase of alcoholic beverages is somewhat more problematic. Doubtless there will be wailing and the gnashing of teeth as NERDS fall out as to who drank what. Hopefully this will not degenerate into fisticuffs.

A good time will hopefully be had by all. See y'all in The Runaway Cafe.

SandyB.

December Christmas Ramble Joining Instructions

Dear Fellow NERDS,

The time for our annual festive knees-up

is approaching. A week from today as I write. Wednesday 9th.

Seaford types should take the 10.25 train, collecting Lafayette en route, arriving at Lewes at 10.44. As is now our custom, we then repair to The Runaway Cafe (apparently soon to close, by the way) for a coffee and an optional brandy.

The Berwick train leaves at 11.09 and arrives at 11.20. As you have probably guessed, we then visit The Berwick Arms for a couple of stirrup-cups of whatever you fancy.

Then we tackle the rigours of the cycle-path and quiet lanes to The Cricketers, where we are booked for the meal at 13.00 hrs. An unashamedly tarmac ramble. Boots, muddy or not, should not be required.

One point, previous Xmas rambles have been a little chaotic on the finance side due to people ordering drinks (wine, etc)

and putting them on the bill. This makes it difficult when the bill arrives, as some NERDS drink less than others! Therefore it might be an idea if people buy their own drinks at the bar - sharing a bottle with a chum, for example. Just an idea.

Hope everyone turns up and that we all have a jolly good time.

Exotic headgear, badges and unruly behaviour - are all optional!

Sandyballs
 

November's Separatists Ramble 2015

NERDS' Ramble No. 312 - Wed 18th Nov. 2015.

Those Present – Lafayette, Matt, Froggy, Curly and Mysterious Guest Sandyballs.

The NERDS Separatists (Froggy's Idea for a title)

Lafayette had requested a short ramble this month. The following day he was due to ramble with The Darkside from Gatwick, and he knew how long Ed would make this ramble. (He was not wrong; The Darksiders walked for miles and miles in the pouring rain through shitty, muddy fields – this was supposed to be a pleasure not an SAS selection course!) Anyway, the NERDS' committee had kindly granted Lafayette leave to organise a ramble up to Stanmer House from Falmer – and we all know how far that is!



Sandyballs was temporarily absent; he had returned the evening before from Venice so was a bit jaded and had domestic chores to perform. Paco had the squits so it was down to Lafayette to lead the way. And so it was that presentably attired in rambling gear he boarded the train at Newhaven to meet a scathing Matt

who told him off for having filthy boots.

“You look as if you're going for a job on a building site.” scathed Matt replete in his Monty Don type scarf ever so casually slung round his neck. “ I can't help it if I'm such a popular socialite and member of so many rambling groups that I never have time to get my bearer to clean my boots.” retorted Laf, “ Besides which Safeer had to go back to Pakistan via Syria recently to take part in the 100th ramble of his own group, The Daaesh Drinkers. Don't expect I'll see him for a while.” he said with a catch in his voice.



And so the NERDS detrained at Falmer, and tearing their gaze away from the student totty disporting themselves round the station

they headed up the short and winding road to Stanmer House.

It was still there with its cosy bar, its comfy sofas, its paintings and books etc. We realised that Curly had never been here before judging by the amount of awe which radiated from him as soon as he stepped through the front door. “ Wow, it looks like Versailles!” said Curly who had just been to France with a load of questionable companions. The floating girlie personnel were still present all dressed tastefully in short black skirts, and as we were sat down at a table opposite the till at the front door we got good and speedy service from them.



However it soon became apparent that not much drink was going to be taken on this occasion. There was no whip, everyone bought there own drink. Matt was flying solo,

Curly doesn't drink much and Froggy had eschewed a lot of alchohol to try to turn into a “highly honed ninja.” (fat chance). Lafayette was left to keep getting up to get his own pints

since he was the only one drinking more than one pint and Sandyballs had not yet arrived.



When the latter did arrive

with a tale of woe about filthy Venetian foreigners, sickness, chores, mothers in law etc. he stayed only for one pint and then whizzed back home to see Mrs Sandyballs who was not well. Lafayette was bereft. Hardly any drinking, no whip, no rounds – what ever had happened to the NERDS' philosophy of All for One and One for All?

It was as thought the cohesive whole of days of yore had suddenly just descended into a load of pale faced, lily-livered individualists who didn't really want to be there. “I blame Club Corona for this ,” he muttered “ That's what the NERDS is rapidly becoming. We'll soon all be wearing cord trousers and drinking half pints.” Froggy

put a positive spin on it by saying we could be known as the Separatists ie. Little drinking,

pale faced, lily-livered, honed ninjas, but Laf was still inconsolable at the way the NERDS were going and was not swayed.



Anyway, the food was up to its usual high standard; the Moby Dick fish course was pretty substantial

for a child's portion but unfortunately the famous waitress, Maria, was nowhere to be seen. The beer was good too and Curly was very impressed by the mini bar at the end, and the luxury of the well lit toilets.



We all got back on the train and went to The Runaway on Lewes station for a coffee ( a coffee!) and then all slid home. At least Laf's legs had been saved for the big Darkside ramble on the morrow and Curly had been given his initiation into the delights of Stanmer House. Next month is the Christmas ramble when Lafayette hopes that at least a modicum of drinking will take place. After that it will be the Winter NERDS/ Darkside Ramble probably in Lewes but certainly taking place on Wednesday January 6th (2016).



Yours in sorrow.





Lafayette.

Special joining instructions for Sandyballs

Dear NERDS,

Sandyballs has only just got back from Venice and does not feel he can cope with the long walk up the drive to Stanmer House tomorrow. He will therefore meet us for lunch at 13 00hrs approx.

For the rest of us, please get the 10 58 train from Seaford and I will join you at Newhaven.

Hasta manana.



Lafayette.

2015 October's Ramble

NERDS' Ramble No. 311. 28th Oct. 2015.



Those Present – Sandyballs, Lafayette, Froggy, Matt, Paco, Curly.



The Soft Icecream Ramble.



Sandyballs made the NERDS meet in the middle of the country this month

– at Southease where a covert exchange of dvds was made

between S.B. and Lafayette. The original tape of Laf's retirement do had been discovered down the back of the sofa in S.B's sitting room and had been put on disk for all the world to see. However Laf's daughter had also discovered an ancient tape of a ramble and Nerdlings' picnic which she wanted to convert so that she could remember that jolly day when B. T. had got his face smashed in while carrying Baby Nerd Katherine on his shoulders.

Watch this space for further developments.....



And so we started walking over the bridge over the Mighty Ouse

at Southease. Matt noticed some butch looking labourers digging holes there and proposed he join them since he said he too looked good stripped to the waist and glistening with sweat. His offer was politely declined as they decided his bum cleavage was not up to scratch. It's a tough world in construction.



Next we noticed an awful lot of ancient couples driving along the road to Southease looking for parking spaces. Lafayette thought it must be the local dogging society who met there every Wednesday. He had always wanted to go there himself but wasn't allowed by his wife because he hadn't got a dog. Shucks. Sandyballs noticed that Paco was improperly dressed either for dogging or for anything else since he had obviously walked out of the house in his shoes and had forgotten to put his boots on. Oh no, This meant we couldn't go over the fields and far away as originally planned, but would have to take the tarmac route through Telscombe instead. Dimshit pillock!



So we walked up the big hill

where we did manage to get a magnificent view down over the fields towards the sea

and where pheasants were frolicking in the hedgerows just waiting to be mown down by over-excited doggers in cars. We had just got outside Telscombe when Froggy suddenly claimed he needed to eat otherwise he would become hypo-allergenic or change into a werewolf or something. Luckily Lafayette had some energy bars stored in his rucksack and so prevented a situation where Froggy might have run amuck and eaten all the sheep in the next field.



Having arrived in the relative civilisation of the outskirts of Peacehaven, we passed a very generously endowed young lady who was very conscious of her assets and who was accompanied by a large brown dog to ward off any randy NERDS

. Continuing along the A 27 we finally made it to The Telscombe Tavern – the cheapest place to eat in all of East Sussex – probably. We had forgotten it was half term and so most of the tables were reserved for bloody kids and the like,

but we managed to get placed near the bar.



Anyway, the whip, that hallowed tradition of the NERDS found that only Sandyballs and Lafayette wanted to participate. The rest of the cissy NERDS just wanted to fly solo. Must be old age creeping up on them to make them mean and stop them drinking so much. The meal was amazingly inexpensive – you paid for a ticket costing £ 4. 38 at the bar and then got served a choice of roasts with unlimited vegetables and chips. Sandyballs was in chip heaven but even more was to come.



Just behind our table was a large ice cream machine so you paid for another ticket and then served yourself to unlimited, yes unlimited, helpings of ice cream which coiled down out of the machine like white dog shit but which tasted surprisingly good.

Such was the attraction of this gadget and its content that Lafayette had two helpings and Sandyballs and Froggy had three each. Nothing like a good healthy diet after a bracing ramble along a metalled road over the Downs!



Matt observed that we were bound to catch a cold after all this ice cream but said he was more trendy and caught his colds on-line these days since it saved him having to get up and go outdoors.

S.B. and Laf’. carried on drinking out of their whip although S. B. complained he hadn't got any fruit served with his Bacardi and coke like when he went on expensive holidays. What does he expect? This was Peacehaven not Cannes!



Finally we got up to leave. Paco had worn out his feet so decided to go back by bus while the rest of us, unusually, and since it was a pleasant sunny day, thought we would walk back over the cliffs and have a sea view.

It was unseasonably warm and so we passed by the meridian monument and up and down the cliff path until we got to the Coastwatch

lookout where the denizens were probably all drinking wine and talking to girlies as Lafayette had taught them to do.



Thereafter it was a quick couple of pints in the Ark where Lafayette came across Daughter No.2 and Nerdling surreptitiously spending her pocket money on illicit booze and in the company of Lafayette's cleaning girl who should have been at his house dusting off his precious air rifles at that time.



And so it was the end of another ramble. We might have seen more of the country if Paco had been properly shod but the route had been interesting and picturesque anyway

, - and we had all eaten a lot of icecream. Next month is up to Stanmer House, and Christmas is due to take place at The Cricketers so go out and make sure you've all got boots on next time or Father Christmas won't come and see you when it matters.





Lafayette.

November's and December's Joining Instructions Part 1

The next 2 rambles are, respectively and chronologically, on 18/11 and 9/12. In November, for reasons of his own, Lafayette has requested a very short ramble and has suggested the popular one from Falmer station to Stanmer house. I am delighted to oblige. I think we are all fans of the fin de siecle opulent decor of Stanmer House, not to mention the fine food, wines and saucy young waitresses. Details to follow.

For the Xmas Ramble, Froggy had the idea of the (again short) walk from Berwick Station to a sumptuous, festive repast at the Cricketers Arms. For once, a good idea Froggy!! Lafayette and myself did a field trip to this establishment and perused the Xmas menu and decided it looked good on paper. Unusually, the courses are individually priced - starters are £7, mains £13 and deserts £6. So you do not have to have 3 courses unless you want to (ha!ha!). Also unusually they do not require a deposit. I have booked a table for 8-9 persons.

This leads to my next point - who is going and who is not? I think the 6 who went on the last ramble are signed up. We will also be joined by the Man in Black - Dio. So, the Bish and the captain - will you be joining us? Please let me know. We have to give our menu choices about a week before 9/12.

In anticipation.......

Sandyballs

PS. Is it true that the Cords is soon to go into receivership?

October's Ramble

Whilst awaiting for Lafayette;s "write-up" here is one of Froggy's photographs